Category: worry

2 Simple Questions to Easily Dismiss OCD Thoughts

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD General, worryTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

No matter how many years I’ve had OCD and how many tools I have in my toolbox, there does still seem to be times when a thought will, pop up and for whatever reason it gets a bit stuck. 

I find it particularly frustrating after all the work I’ve put into my recovery but somehow my brains default mode does seem to be to doubt & worry and so I must be proactive about using the tools I’ve learnt along the way to keep my mental health in check. 

One tool which I find endlessly helpful to dismiss OCD thoughts is one I learnt from Byron Katie. 

It’s worth noting here that in an ideal world we wouldn’t invest any time in the thoughts, we’d let them be but if they do stick – for whatever reason – then take 5 minutes and give this tool a whirl.

Byron Katie calls it ‘The Work’ and it takes the form of a set of questions:

As yourself

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
  4. Who or what would you be without the thought?

The tool seems too simple right, but it is unbelievably good.

I love Byron Katies version, but I have found that I don’t need the whole version to be able to dismiss my OCD thoughts. All I generally need to do is ask myself,

Is it true? 

Quite often when I ask myself this question it isn’t obvious what my brain is obsessing over at all!  OCD can be so vague – after all fear lives in the vague – and when I dig down a little deeper the true fear is often nonsense.  Sometimes this is enough on its own for me to dismiss the thought! 

If not, I ask myself

Is it 100% true?

With OCD the answer is always NO, because OCD is about doubt and uncertainty and so I can guarantee you won’t know 100%. 

Next, I tell myself

If it’s not 100% true, then,

‘YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO!’

Why would you torture yourself over something which isn’t 100% fact?  The brain is looking for certainty which you cannot give it, so let it go.

And this is enough for me to sit with the thought and let it be. 

Just two simple questions:

  1. Is it true
  2. Is it 100% true?

I cannot tell you how many times this method has helped me.  I really hope it’s useful for you too. Let me know in the comments below

As always
Stay Strong xxx

5 Simple Words to Help Manage Intrusive Thoughts Effectively

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD General, worryTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

‘I’m not answering that question’, 5 simple words and yet it can feel so hard in the moment. 

When you’re spiralling – for whatever reason – you can feel quite desperate and like you must focus all your attention on answering OCD/anxieties questions, because ‘this time it might matter’, ‘I can’t take that risk’ or ‘I need to check, just in case’!

Does all this sound familiar? 

I get this a lot, in fact most days.  Sometimes something will happen or sometimes it can literally be an uncomfortable thought, feeling or emotion and that’s it my brain will hyper-focus on trying to work out the answer/solution as if it’s life or death! 

Sitting with the doubt can feel like too much, when it’s the people you love, your own mortality or something that strongly conflicts with your values.  You feel like the risk is too high and you must know the answer right now! 

Well let me tell you something, this is OCD and anxieties favourite game.  It wants to steal your focus, it wants your time and energy and nothing but your full attention is acceptable.  It likes to throw things at you until something sticks and then, aha, it’s got you, say goodbye to the rest of your day! 

So, how can we know if it’s OCD and anxiety or whether we genuinely need to pay attention to a thought, I hear you ask?

Ultimately the game is to learn to sit with the uncertainty but I’ve found a good guidepost is to ask yourself the following two questions:

  1. Am I suffering? 
  2. Do I feel desperate and like I need the answer right now?

If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then in my experience you can pretty much guarantee that you are in an anxiety/OCD spiral and that you wont be thinking logically/rationally. 

Your job is therefore to do NOTHING!

Step away from the thought and carry on with your day as if it’s completely irrelevant.  You can expect to feel anxious but that’s OK. 

Every time that thought comes back into your head just say the 5 words:

‘I’m not answering that question.’

and carry on with whatever you’re doing.

I do understand that in the moment when your brain is telling you that thought needs all your attention it can feel impossible, but you need to be brave and let it be. 

Another time this is particularly helpful is at night, when our rational brain is having a rest and we’re never thinking at our best. Things ALWAYS seem worse in the middle of the night so just tell your brain, I’m not answering that question’.

I really hope it helps you as much as it has me,
Let me know how you get on and as always,
Stay Strong xxx

Post Lockdown Anxiety

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So how is everyone?

Sorry it’s been a little while since I’ve managed to find the time to write something, I’ve been meaning too but full time childcare and yoga teacher training has taken over my life for the last few weeks and I just seem to have no time at all!

So lockdown is finally easing in the UK and this is good news right?  Well yes of course it is but unfortunately for me I have really noticed my anxiety about getting out and about has gone through the roof.  I am an introvert with OCD so not a great combo to start with, add in Covid-19 and well you’ve got an anxiety inducing nightmare for me.

I have worked incredibly hard over the last 2-5 years to build up the courage to do just simple things like; drive to new places, go to the supermarket, meet friends at playgroups and now it feels a little like I’ve gone backwards.

I haven’t managed to get out with the kids without my husband or mother in tow yet which makes me extremely sad.  When my second child was born it took me 7 months before I had the courage to get out on my own with the two kids so this is a bit of a blow for me.  I have friends who have never had mental health issues before who are feeling the anxiety at the moment so I realise it’s probably to be expected that it’s going to hit me a bit harder but still it’s a tough pill to swallow.

There’s also a sort of loneliness about getting out at the moment, in the past we would always be going out to meet friends and socialise but the kids are a bit small to understand social distancing currently.

So I guess I go back to taking baby steps and being kind to myself, I need to remember all the tools that are so useful when things get overwhelming.  Simple things like mindfulness, remembering to breath and even just putting a smile on your face can help.  Eating and sleeping well, not drinking and trying to get some exercise in where you can.

I think it will be a while before I manage to get to a shopping centre but the local park should be achievable right?  I know I am lucky in so many ways and these are the things to focus on for now, the rest will come over time.

I wonder if anyone else is feeling like this?  Hopefully my post will make you feel a little less alone if you are.

Let’s all try and be kind to ourselves in what is the strangest of times,

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

Looking after your mental health

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD General, worryTagged , , , , , 1 Comment

So a lot has been happening in the world since I last posted on here.  This is a terribly anxious time for us all regardless of whether you have a mental illness or not but if you are already trying to deal with something then this could be a particularly tough time.

I know a lot of my coping strategies have had to go out of the window recently because of social distancing and isolating and this is difficult.  I know if I look at the news too much or overthink what is going on I start to spiral and so I am doing what I can to stay informed without loosing myself in it all.

Things that have helped me so far:

Limiting News – Just reading headlines once a day – stay informed but don’t consume too much media

Distraction – whatever you enjoy doing (in the house of course), use it to distract yourself from your thoughts.  A few ideas are as follows:  Reading, writing, playing an instrument, watching Netflix, baking, playing with your kids, playing a game, creating, crafting, colouring, yoga, online exercise classes, FaceTime, WhatsApp, zoom, cleaning, gardening.

Mindfulness – This can be really simple things such as: feeling the sun on your skin in the garden, hearing your kids laughing, feeling the ground beneath your feet, bake something and smell the aroma.  Whatever you choose to tune into, do it multiple times a day and really feel and be in that moment.

Meditation – If you can meditate.  I know people find this one hard, I also find it difficult to calve out time for it specifically but I know if you can find the time (and you should) then it will help calm your mind.  Try and find an app or podcast to support you and talk you though the process, this can help to give it some structure and make it feel more achievable.

Move around – I have definitely found I’m not hitting my step count most days but it’s important to try and keep yourself moving so we don’t cause ourselves other issues.  I have some niggling sciatic pain at the moment and I know it’s from the dramatic change in lifestyle.

Yoga –  I would highly recommend Yoga as I personally love it and I’m currently doing my teacher training but if you can carve out some time to do some exercise this is going to boost your mood for sure.

Eating well – It can be very easy to comfort eat at times like this, but try to be mindful of the knock on effect it is going to have on your mental health.  Last week I had to work long hours to fit my work in around looking after my children.  As a result I drank too much coffee and I felt the effects of this for a couple of days.  It’s not always worth the short term fix and this week I will be sticking to my usual one coffee a day.

Look for the positives – Yes it’s a difficult time and at the moment the end is pretty hard to see but try and focus on the positives which are coming out of this situation, sometimes life can be about how you choose to look at it.  For instance, I am getting to spend a lot more time with my family which although at times is hard it’s also completely amazing and an opportunity I will probably never experience again in my lifetime.  There are also environmental benefits coming from the reduction in industry which shouldn’t be overlooked and a feeling of community coming out of people, knowing we are all in this together.

I really hope wherever you are and whatever you are currently facing that you’re all OK.  Now more then ever it is so important to,

Stay Strong xxx

Trying to Find Some Calm

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To be honest I think I’ve stumbled at the first hurdle with this one when I’ve said ‘trying’ to relax.  Surely you’re not fully relaxed if you’re ‘trying’ to be.  Being truly relaxed is something that happens when we don’t even notice and so probably impossible to orchestrate and therefore out of reach for so many of us who want to be able to control everything, argh!!!!

So what can we do to set us towards this state without forcing it?  That is the million dollar question!

I’m going to start with making a list of things I enjoy doing and that I know make me feel calmer and do more of these things:

  • Spending time with my family
  • Being outside
  • Having the house tidy and organised
  • Eating well
  • Exercising – Doing Yoga
  • Watching comedy and laughing

On top of knowing what you enjoy doing having some good coping mechanisms in place is important.  Such as being able to deal with any situation that comes your way in a calm manner, this does take a lot of practice.  It involves being able to adapt and accept that you cannot control everything or everyone around you.  It also means you have to be able to let other peoples shit – which will be sent your way occasionally – wash over you and not effect your calm.  Some people will not be as emotionally mature as you are and that is their issue not yours.

If we don’t want to remove ourselves from society completely then we must find the best ways to deal with the situations life throws at us which we cannot predict, control or change.  Life is a roller coaster, there will be bad days as well as good, sad times as well as happy and if we can try to put a positive slant on every situation then we will be able to cope better.  Even the toughest times in life will teach us something.

Try and eliminate worry from your life, it is completely pointless.  Worrying about a situation doesn’t improve it, change it or help in any way.  If you are worrying about something and there is something you can do to change it then DO IT.  If there is nothing that can be done then you have to just let it go, know what will be will be and get back to living in the moment rather then the past or the future.  Worry really does spoil any calm you might have cultivated so don’t let it!

Write a gratitude list when you’re feeling low and appreciate all the things you have.  Always striving for the next thing and not stopping to appreciate what you already have is never going to bring you happiness and it’s very exhausting.

Life is full on nowadays and it can be difficult to switch off at times but finding the quiet in all the chatter is important for your brain, how can you relax unless you have time to stop for a moment?  Meditation is brilliant for this, unfortunately I think a lot of people hear the word ‘meditation’ and start to tune out, either because they feel they ‘don’t have the time’, or it’s a bit ‘hippie dippie’ for them.  I’ve thought both of these things in the past and I admit I still find it hard to find time to just ‘meditate’ and be with myself.  I manage to attach some mediation to my yoga practice and this feels a bit less intense to me but it can definitely be hard if you’re not a fan of your own company (and many of those suffering with mental illness aren’t) to find time to just be with yourself.

Mindfulness can be a smaller step in this direction and much easier to do immediately, just focus in on anything around you even just your breathing and off you go!

I hope you have a few more ideas on how to help find your calm and be more relaxed now.

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

Dealing with Stress

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I think stress is something we all deal with, there’s just no escaping it nowadays.  We’re all programmed to take on too much and expect too much from ourselves.  How we deal with stress however varies massively, some people seem to be able to dismiss it relatively easily where as some of us let it consume us.

My current method for dealing with most stress is avoidance, over the years I’ve become very aware of what causes me to spiral downwards and so nowadays if I don’t need it in my life then it’s not there.  I realise this probably isn’t the healthiest approach and I wouldn’t really advocate it but there’s an element of self preservation in there for me while I’m on my long road to recovery and I slowly let bits back in on days I feel stronger and remove them again on days when I don’t feel so great.

So this is all well and good until I come across some unavoidable stress, urgh, the worst kind.  How then do we process the wash of tension, self doubt, etc when there’s just no getting away from it?  It’s a good question and one I’m definitely still trying to answer.

Firstly I always try and start with a bit of perspective, when struggling with OCD it’s very easy to catastrophise situations and make them appear much worse than they are, try to rationalise your thoughts where you can.

If the stress has been caused by say an argument at work, or a bad drive home then just let it go, the other person probably did hours ago, is it really worth your time and energy?

If it’s something more significant like an exam or money worries say then stressing isn’t going to help.  Sit down and write out a plan of action, things you can positively do to impact on your stress and deal with the situation in a positive light.

Organisation is key, I personally have a lot going on at the moment but by organising my time and being pro active I am just about winning.

If you can take some time out just for yourself to regroup then do.  Close your eyes, take a deep breath and feel the stress leave you as you breathe out.

Mindfulness and meditation are also great ways to reconnect with your body and try to work out what has caused the shift.  The small amount of time it takes will definitely be worth the pay off you get afterwards.  I’ve got to admit though whilst writing that last sentence I felt a bit hypocritical as this is something I never/rarely do, like I said I’m still working on it too!

Stress is something that quite often comes upon us without us even realising.  Sometimes the first sign for me is that I can feel my shoulders getting tight or I start to be really snappy and short with people.  Being able to sense and notice your signs early is another important factor in getting your stress under control quickly.

When you’re already processing a mental health issue stress is the last thing you want being piled on top of you, my advice would definitely be to remove all unnecessary stress where possible.  I expect we’ve all taken on something we don’t need which can be eliminated.

If you can’t remove all stress, take a day off.  Put the kids in nursery/school, book a days annual leave and do what makes you feel good just for one day, it’s a bit self indulgent but feels amazing and is totally worth it.  You can’t function properly if your cup is half full after all.

Learn to say no when you can, people won’t think any less of you and you will gain some time and energy back.

Look after yourself, if you are the one holding it all together and people are depending on you it’s more important then ever that you take good care of yourself.  Don’t resort to caffeine and sugar try and be conscious about what you are putting into your body.

I hope my ramblings have been of some use, just by writing a few things down I feel a bit more together myself.  Most things aren’t as bad a you think, look after yourselves and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

 

Mental Health Crossovers

Posted in Getting Help, Mental Health, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD General, worryTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

One of the most interesting things for me when I finally got myself into some counselling was the realisation that what I was suffering from wasn’t just OCD but actually also anxiety and worry.  I had always just blanketed all of my thoughts and feelings under the OCD umbrella and it was enlightening to break it down and understand it all on another level.

I sometimes find it really difficult to differentiate between worry and OCD.  I will try now with a couple of examples:

A worry:  

‘I have to drive to the supermarket to do my shopping, what if I crash the car on the way or hit someone in the car park?  ‘  

An OCD thought after visiting the supermarket:

‘There was a pothole in the car park that I went over when leaving the supermarket, what if that was actually a child and I didn’t see them?  ‘  

Once you start to break the thoughts down, you can start to look at how to overcome them.  To be honest a lot of the methods work for both worry and OCD but there are some separate tools which could be useful.

For worry there is a tool called ‘The Worry Tree’, best shown by an illustration here.  I have personally found the worry tree very useful in helping to dismiss worrying thoughts when they come along.

Worry and OCD are also incredibly closely linked to GAD (General anxiety disorder) and the intolerance of uncertainty.

I’ve recently found the APPLE acronym  (Acknowledge, Pause, Pull Back, Let Go and Explore) which can be used to help combat GAD.  I’m going to be giving it a go (More information in link above page 2).

As always I hope this helps, Stay strong xx