Tag: psychology

OCD: Stop trying to Control your Obsessions!

Posted in Mental Health, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Gremlin peeking out from a partially open wooden crate labeled 'Property of Gremlin's Cave - Do Not Open'

Are you trying to control your obsessions? Are they based around things you have no control over? Is this then a completely fruitless task?

Some interesting questions but lets take a step back for a second and clarify a couple of things. What is an OCD obsession anyway?

An OCD obsession is:
‘… a recurring, unwanted thought, image, urge, or impulse that repeatedly enters a person’s mind and causes significant anxiety, distress, or discomfort.’

Things we can’t control include: feelings, emotions, thoughts, images & urges. 

Take a moment now and recognise whether your OCD has come from something you have NO control over!

Hopefully that was a lightbulb moment.    

Woman having a bright idea with a light bulb above her head while studying at a desk

So much of OCD is focused in on the things we can’t control.  It can feel so powerful, and overwhelming at times, as if it deserves our time and attention but as a human we need to learn that we’re not fully in control of our internal environment and to allow these automatic ‘features’ of the human condition to just be.

We don’t have to believe every thought, feeling etc that comes into our head. Most of the time the brain is just throwing things out there to see if they stick and we have to be like Teflon, letting the thoughts just float through, showing the brain that they are irrelevant. Only then will it go off to find something else to throw your way instead, which you then need to allow to float through, so the brain sees that as irrelevant too. Get the idea?

It’s when we give these normal, automatic thoughts time and energy that the brain perks up and thinks they’re important.  It takes it as a sign that you want to see more of that content and so we can see how spirals start to happen. 

On days when I don’t let the thoughts stick it is unbelievable how many different thoughts come my way, the brain is throwing them out there constantly and it’s your job to just do nothing, in the same way it’s the brains job to keep throwing random thoughts and ideas your way. Occasionally it comes up with good ones too remember, they’re not all intrusive and unwanted.  

Why do we give away our power, focus and attention to things outside of our control?

Basically because the limbic system – emotional part of the brain – is more powerful than the cognitive one.  Yes, our thinking brain is not actually the one in control most of the time. As a result we have to learn to work with our emotional brain, not against it – as this is pretty much impossible. 

There’s a famous metaphor called: ‘The Rider and the Elephant’, which helps to describe this idea. 

The rider represents our thinking brain, good at analytics and planning, but small relative to the enormous elephant.  The elephant, represents our emotional brain, it’s vast, powerful, and often driven by instinct.  The rider has the reins but needs to work with the elephant in harmony, as when the elephant gets stirred it has the ability to dislodge the rider if it wishes. 

Person riding an elephant on a dirt path at sunrise with misty landscape

And so we have to work with, not against our emotional brain.  It is powerful and has the ability to hijack our rational thinking. 

We work with it by accepting the obsessions when they come in.  It’s worth noting here that accepting the obsessions doesn’t mean you like, agree with or want them in any way, it just shows the brain that they are irrelevant to you and so it doesn’t need to give them any of your time, attention or awareness.

It can feel impossible at times I know but the more we push back/away the stronger they become.  Like a tug of war, we have to let go of the rope not pull harder.  

My favourite phrase to use is:

‘Thank you brain, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now.’ 

This way you are acknowledging the obsession but not pushing it away or investing any time in it.

‘But how do I know if it’s OCD or something that does need paying attemtion to?’ I hear you ask.

Ask yourself the following questions: ‘Am I struggling?’ 

If the answer is ‘Yes!’, then its your OCD and you need to step away from the content. 

I think it’s so important to remind ourselves of these basics, as at times, especially when triggered, it can feel hard to remember that you didn’t ask for the obsession and as a result it doesn’t mean anything!

I really hope this helps, as always,
Stay Strong xxx

My issue with ERP Therapists

Posted in Mental Health, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Young woman talking to therapist in cozy, warmly lit room

I’ve been having a bit of a moan recently about ERP therapists.  It’s not that they’re not well intentioned but it’s my belief that they don’t show much empathy for just how hard ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) therapy actually is and it irritates me. 

Of course in theory ERP is straight forward:

  • Write a list of exposures
  • Push yourself into those exposures/outside of your comfort zone
  • Don’t complete any compulsions
  • Sit with the associated anxiety 

Easy right?

The reality however is that you are asking someone to push into things that their brain – for whatever reason – has told them are dangerous and should be avoided/worked out/prioritised at all costs!  

This is a system which is designed to get people to ACT urgently.  A system which is so powerful it turns off the cognitive brain and takes over!! 

Our brains are designed to prioritise this system over all others to keep us safe.  It is instinctive, irrational and isn’t able to access the logical strategies that made complete sense in your therapists office.

Not only that but this system throws cortisol and adrenalin around our bodies, which is incredibly tiring, making ERP therapy exhausting! 

So what we’re really asking of someone with OCD, is for them to push themselves daily into a system which is designed to make you do the opposite.

Everyone has fears, things they don’t like/avoid and most people don’t have to push into them, maybe ever. 

So just know, when doing your exposures, you are being asked to do something that most other people avoid like the plague and you’re being asked to do it again and again and again by someone sitting comfortably in their office, probably not living the ERP lifestyle themselves. 

A lot of OCD therapists come from backgrounds with OCD so have some understanding BUT once you’ve done ERP for a while and you’re making good progress, it can be very easy to forget how hard it is. 

This happened to me recently when I started to learn to swim.  I’ve always had fears associated swimming, following an incident when I was younger, where I found myself out of my depth in a lake and basically freaked out. Since then I haven’t liked being out of my depth or putting my head under the water.

I was feeling pretty strong mentally so why not push further out of my comfort zone? Push into some of those long held fears, which start to become your identity!

We’ve all got them, finish this sentence for me: ‘I just don’t like________’


I’m great at this ERP malarky, I was thinking, little did I know what was coming my way!

To encourage myself to push into this one I signed myself up to a Sprint triathlon, the first part of which is a 400m swim. 
I started doing some lessons with one of my colleagues who’s a swim teacher and OMG putting my head under the water was completely terrifying.  I wanted nothing more than to get out of that water, go home and never get back in that pool again, not only that but the next day I was completely exhausted. Reality check for me and big reminder of how hard it can be.  

I knew I had to go back the following week and it was still hard, but maybe not 100%, perhaps 97%, my brain was still screaming at me to get out the whole time.

Honestly, I’m still making progress with this one, fears, especially ones held for a long time, do not disappear quickly and require continued exposure – sorry! 

Being able to recognise this and keep going is a skill we have to hone and it is extremely hard.  If you can master it, you are stronger mentally than 99% of the population. 
As people with OCD we’re already dealing with a fault in this system, alerting us unnecessarily daily and then we’re being asked to add more on top. 

Honestly, we deserve medals and more recognition for how tough this work is and it is work, HARD work! 

So here’s the biggest well done from me to you, for not giving up, for fighting every day for something you didn’t ask for and definitely don’t deserve. 

You are amazing, you are not alone,
Stay Strong xxx

Are You Falling into OCD’s Sneaky Trap?

Posted in OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Two men labeled Reason and Logic pulling a large brain away from a creature labeled OCD

OCD can be so sneaky and when you’ve had it for a long time, if you’re not careful, you can start to form automatic habits around it. These can be so sneaky, you don’t even realise you’re doing them but these habits are actually sneaky compulsions keeping you stuck!!!!!

This has happened to me and probably still does when I don’t catch it in time.  One habit in particular stands out here, as I now realise it was/is a compulsion which has been keeping my OCD going, argh!!

What was I doing?

I was debating with my Pure O intrusive thoughts, here’s an example to show you what I mean:

An OCD intrusive thought/feeling/urge whatever comes in:

‘What if you picked up that knife now and hurt someone with it?’

What I should do:

‘Thanks OCD, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now’

And then carry on with my day, no more interaction, stopping it in it’s tracks. 

What I’ve been doing:

‘I wouldn’t do a thing like that, I’m a good person, look at all the kind things I’ve done which prove that – starts to list them off in my head.  I love my family/friend, why would I want to hurt them, that’s crazy.  This thought is obviously my OCD etc ect ect.’

What I’m doing here is engaging with the thought, even if its just to prove it wrong, its STILL a compulsion! 
I’m not directly worrying about the obsession or think I might action it but I’m trying to prove to myself with absolute certainty why it’s not something to worry about. This is a sneaky compulsion which I’ve been keeping going for YEARS! 

Initially I didn’t realise it was a compulsion at all and it was only when my OCD wasn’t getting better that I dug a bit deeper and realised that by trying to prove the OCD thought wrong, I was keeping it alive! 


Say it with me now:

Boy with brown hair wearing orange shirt and blue jeans shouting angrily with clenched fists outside

It wasn’t a great feeling when I worked this one out and I still find it really hard not to engage with the thoughts to this day.

For whatever reason I feel like I have to prove to my brain, beyond any shadow of doubt, that I’m a good person. I take myself off on a positivity spiral, desperately trying to affirm my character but of course this is fruitless when it comes to OCD, as I’ve proven to myself over the last few years. 

Remember OCD has imagination at its fingertips, where there will always be another ‘what if?’ or ‘maybe?’ coming your way.

This is how OCD’s sneaky trap keeps you stuck inside your head, distracted and not fully engaging in the real world. You’re trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle, debating with your own imagination – sneaky or what!

When I don’t do this compulsion, I have to leave the obsession ‘open’, which my brain hates. This is of course ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) therapy in action and exactly what we need to do.  

Do you find yourself doing this? 
I’d love to know if anyone else has fallen into this sneaky trap.

As always, Stay Strong xxx   

Overcoming OCD: A leap of Faith

Posted in Mental Health, OCD, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Make OCD words slightly darker

You could look at OCD as being a fault in the ‘good enough’ system.  For whatever reason in people with OCD the brain’s ability to dismiss thoughts which ‘normal’ people can, seems impossible. 

Thoughts are stickier, they hang around and as a result our fight or flight nervous system gets triggered, making the thoughts (obsessions) feel more visceral and real – they’re not of course but try telling yourself that when you’re triggered! 

When we’re stuck in an OCD spiral it can feel overwhelming, all consuming and urgent.  It feels like working out the thought is the only thing that matters but of course investing any time in the thought is always going to make it worse.

OCD asks us to take a leap of faith, and this is why recovery is so hard.  We’re basically saying to ourselves:

‘I know every instinct in your body is telling you to work this out right now but you need to do the exact opposite and have faith, not proof, not certainty but blind faith, that what your brain is telling you is wrong. ‘

Bring creepy character closer to foreground

I’ve had a few occasions over the years where I’ve been stuck in a spiral for days and eventually, I’ve just had to take that first step and trust that all will be OK.

It feels impossible I know, like jumping out of a plane not knowing whether your parachute is packed correctly but the alternative of being stuck is also not that appealing.

It’s only when we’re brave enough to keep going, letting the thoughts be, that the brain starts to see, ‘oh that thing I’ve been stressing about didn’t actually happen’ – this is called expectancy violation and it’s incredibly powerful. 

Each time we prove to our brain that what we thought might happen didn’t, the thoughts start to ease a bit and the next time it’s slightly easier and the time after that a bit easier again and so on. 

OCD recovery happens slowly, particularly when it’s been around for a while.  It’s needs a lot of proof that all is well before it starts to relax. 

This is why ERP – exposure response prevention – is that gold standard for OCD recovery, as it requires us to push into our OCD obsessions and carry on regardless of how we feel. It’s only through this action and continued exposures that the brain starts to chill. 

I do believe ERP needs to be supported with psychoeducation and nervous system support to give you the best opportunity for success.  Gaining knowledge and understanding of how OCD works has been so empowering for me and it’s why I write this blog.  It acts as a reminder for me to not give into compulsions but hopefully also helps others understand OCD better. 

I really hope it helps,
Stay Strong xxx   

Navigating OCD: Essential Tips During Tough Times

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Books and notes about obsessive-compulsive disorder with highlighted coping strategies and sticky notes

Having had OCD for 30 years I’ve come to realise how important it is to have a few easily accessible resources and a plan of action in place for those times that, despite our best efforts, we end up spiralling.  

It’s very easy in the good times to forget how hard and dark it can be but when we are feeling good we should take a bit of time to get organised with what helps, just in case.

Let me try to explain in a bit more detail what I mean. 

In an ideal world we would learn how OCD works – a glitch in the good enough system – get really good at sitting with that uncomfortable feeling (doubt and uncertainty), let our nervous system do its thing and reset on its own back to base line and carry on with our day. 

And while this is all good in theory and doable a fair amount of the time, it is my experience that recovery isn’t a straight line and there will still be times when we get caught by an OCD obsession. 

Here are some examples of circumstances that can make OCD stickier;  Nighttime can be tricky, as well as when I’m particularly tired, if I’m already sitting with a trigger and then another one piles on top, time of the month for ladies, a new theme appears and takes you by surprise, or a difficult life circumstance such as illness, coping with loss, or stress to name a few. 

All of these will affect our resilience and ability to manage our OCD effectively; I’ve definitely noticed that the exact same thought can effect me differently depending on my resilience level.   

At these times, when we’re spiralling despite our best efforts to let things be, I’ve found it can be helpful to have a few resources to hand, they help remind me of OCD’s wicked and insidious ways and switch on the prefrontal cortex enough to pull me back. 

I personally have a notebook filled with all my favourite advice and information from a wealth of people and books I’ve read over the years.  Some of which I’ve shared below. 

As well as this I’ve finally started to populate my resources page, if you get a chance go and check it out and let me know what you think or if you know of any other useful resources I can add.  I will continue to update this page as time goes on.

I really hope it helps! 

Highlights from my notebook

A thought on Thought-Action-Fusion

Why would you torture yourself over anything less than 100% certainty?  Fear lives in the vague after all and it’s my guess, it’s just a thought (obsession), attached to a feeling of uncertainty, that you’re basing your rumination on, not facts. 
Your brain is probably desperately trying to work out whether there is something genuine to be concerned about, you should take this as your sign that there isn’t

A couple of quotes from Dr Stephen Phillipson

‘You can’t use feelings to make determinations based on whether a threat is real. Doing so is like asking the devil for directions to heaven’.

‘Why focus on something you have NO control over?’
‘It’s never going to not feel scary. ‘

An insight from Martha Beck

Ask yourself:  ‘Am I struggling?’  If the answer is ‘yes!’ then you’re spiralling, step away. 

Useful information from Prof. Steve Peters:

‘If you wake during the night, any thoughts or feelings you might have are from you chimp (emotional) brain and they are very often disturbing, catastrophic and lacking in perspective.  In the morning you are likely to regret engaging with these thoughts and feelings because you will see things differently. ‘

Some ponderings from me:

  1. At night time the rule I try to stick to is – Don’t engage between 10.30pm-6am – acknowledge the thought and set aside some ‘worry time’ the following day if needed, when the rational brain is switched on and working.
  • Know that giving into a compulsion will trigger your fight or flight response and once this happens all reason and logic will disappear.  There is no good outcome to giving into a compulsion, it just confirms to the brain there is something to be concerned about and keeps the OCD cycle going. 
  • There’s always another ‘what if?’ or ‘maybe?’, remember logic is limited but imagination isn’t.

There’s so much more from where these came from, so don’t forget to like and subscribe to make sure you don’t miss out! 

Let me know if any of these are useful to you too in the comments below. 

As always, you’re not alone, your thoughts are not special and you’re stronger than you know!
Stay Strong xxx

OCD & Anxiety: Why it’s always worse at night

Posted in OCD, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Woman sitting up in bed looking anxious at night with open notebook on bedside table

Do you ever find that during the day you can see the OCD thoughts arise, but they are less bothersome?  Then at night, just when you start to relax and get ready for bed, boom!  That’s when they start to get louder?

I’ve found recently that during the day, I’m pretty able to rationalise and dismiss OCD thoughts, but then at night that same thought from earlier in the day can reoccur, a bit like my brain saying:

‘Remember this, was it actually important?’

For whatever reason at night time the thought can be more sticky and before I know it, I have that anxious feeling and if I’m not really careful I’m off down the rabbit hole.

I do believe this is a relatively common phenomenon, not just for people who suffer with OCD but for everyone.

So why is it always worse at night?

The main reason I understand is that: at night the prefrontal cortex – our thinking brain – becomes less active and as a consequence the emotional brain is more in control and less filtered. 

Remember the emotional brain likes to:

  • Jump to an opinion
  • Think in black and white
  • Is paranoid
  • Catastrophises things
  • Is irrational
  • Judges’ things emotionally rather than logically
  • Produces more negative or exaggerated thoughts

From an evolutionary standpoint, in the past we would of needed to be on high alert throughout the night, as we would have been more vulnerable, so it does sort of make sense, however nowadays it causes us stress.

I also believe there can be an element of habit in there, the brain works on predicting and anticipating our behaviour and unfortunately if you’re a worrier then at that time in the evening the brain will deliver you some worrying thoughts, along with the associated brain chemicals because that’s what it always does!

I like this extract from Prof. Steve Peteres book which has helped me:

‘If you wake during the night, any thoughts or feelings you might have are from you chimp (emotional) brain and they are very often disturbing, catastrophic and lacking in perspective.  In the morning you are likely to regret engaging with these thoughts and feelings because you will see things differently. ‘

The rule I try to stick to is – Don’t engage between 10.30pm-6am – acknowledge the thought and set aside some ‘worry time’ the following day if needed, when the rational brain is switched on and working.  You may find the time is not necessary once you are up and about but in the night it gives you a way to delay engaging. 

At night we can feel wrapped up in our thoughts, finding ways to not push them away but to acknowledge and defuse from them can be really useful.  We need to switch the logical brain back on, not fully but enough to help pull ourselves out. 

Ways I’ve found to do this include,

  • Writing it down/journaling
  • Acknowledging the thought and allocating worry time the following day.
  • Recognising the thought as OCD say, ‘Thank you brain, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now’
  • Use Byron Katie’s – Is it true?  Is it 100% true? – If the answer is no, let it go!
  • I also saw the opposite of this the other day, ask yourself, ‘is there even a 1% chance that this might not be true?’  Works the same way by creating enough doubt to let go.
  • Mindfulness – Body scan starting at the toes / counting breathing
  • Be creative – Creativity switches on a different part of the brain – I like to plan yoga sequences as I fall asleep, but you could come up with a book idea, plan how to decorate your bedroom/house, decide what you’re going to cook for dinner tomorrow.  Maybe think of an act of kindness you could perform for someone. 

Remember fear lives in the vague and the brain is able to make black = white when the emotional brain is in charge.  Make sure you’re dealing with facts and the pre-frontal cortex and not self-made nonsense from the emotional brain – you know what I mean!

Not sure which brains in charge?  Ask yourself: ‘Am I struggling?’, If the answers ‘yes!’, chances are the emotional brains in control.

 If this is the case, whatever you do, don’t engage or try to reason with the thought, in my experience this always makes it worse!!!

In conclusion:

  • Don’t engage with thoughts between 10.30pm and 6am
  • Acknowledge the thought and allocate worry time the following day to deal with it then
  • Switch to thinking more mindfully or creatively – this uses a different part of the brain. 

Overcoming OCD: The Role of Expectancy Violation

Posted in Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

In last weeks post I touched on the subject of expectancy violation and I thought it was such an important topic that it deserved its own post.   

What is Expectancy Violation I hear you ask?

It is a core mechanism in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, where a patient’s obsession is disproven by facing the fear (obsession) without doing the compulsion. By violating this expectation, the patient learns that their fear (obsession) is manageable, and their obsessive beliefs are false, which promotes long-term recovery. 

ERP therapy is all about proving to your brain that your OCD obsessions are unfounded and based on dodgy data.  We can only prove this to our brains by sitting with the obsession when it comes in and not partaking in the compulsion. 

Sounds easy right?  Well last weeks post was all about how the brain can make, ‘just sitting with it’, feel like a life or death situation and no I’m not exaggerating, anyone suffering from OCD knows this first hand.

The brain believes what it sees and it’s only action or sometimes inaction that can rewire the ‘faulty OCD circuitry’, currently running.    

I realise ‘taking action’ can be hard and sometimes it can feel useful to sit and consume podcasts, books, blog posts and reels on OCD instead. This can make us feel like we’re ‘doing the work’, and don’t get me wrong I do truly believe psychoeducation plays a large part in OCD recovery but the real work is done out there in the real world, when you’re not making your life smaller to avoid triggers.

It’s only when you take part in your exposures, reframe from doing the compulsion and see that the ‘expected’ outcome doesn’t actually happen, that you receive this unbelievably important input – the expectancy violation – which then starts to rewire your brain with better more accurate data.

You have to remember to keep on pushing outwards so OCD can’t push you inwards. In my experience if you don’t continue to push yourself out of your comfort zone regularly then the ‘weeds’ (OCD obessions) start to sneak back in.

My advice therefore is to try and make ERP a lifestyle choice. When we accept our anxiety, knowing it’s a normal part of being human and carry on anyway we are winning against OCD. 

Are you still pushing out of your comfort zone each week? I’d love to know what you’ve been up to, let me know in the comments below so we can help inspire each other.

If you, like me, need a reminder now and again to keep on trying new challenges and exposures, then you might find one of my wellbeing journals useful. They have a weekly ‘Comfort Zone Cracker’, where you can set yourself small manageable targets to hit. It’s a fab companion for ERP therapy and life in general, they’re available from amazon and you can find the links to them here.

I really hope this post has been helpful,
As always, Stay Strong xxx

A Missing Piece in OCD Recovery

Posted in Mental Health, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Perhaps you’ve had OCD for a while or maybe you’ve recently been diagnosed and you’re looking for helpful information, either way I feel like the following can be useful going into OCD recovery and isn’t always highlighted by therapists.

If you receive therapy through the standard route then you’ll be advised to undertake a course of CBT therapy in the form of ERP (Exposure response prevention), which is the current gold standard for OCD treatment.  

Here you’ll be introduced to the OCD cycle

And then told the way to break this cycle is to create a hierarchy of your OCD obsessions and then slowly and in a controlled way, exposure yourself to these obsessions and sit with the associated anxiety, rather than complete your compulsion.

This is indeed a very successful treatment for OCD and sounds wonderfully simple, fantastic you think, I can do this, my OCD will be gone in a matter of weeks and yes this could well be true.  

You’ll hear about how you must ‘sit with the anxiety’ and ‘ride the wave’, because any amount of paying attention to the obsession or taking part in the compulsion will just feed the cycle and make it worse, again all true. 

You sit in the safety of your therapist’s office and think, ‘yes I can do this, it all makes sense’ and it does, I’m not debating the logic and success of ERP therapy, it really is the best way to get rid of OCD.  But what, in my opinion, they don’t pay enough attention to, is how unbelievably hard it is to sit with anxiety, particularly at the start.

Now I’m not trying to scare you or make you feel any worse than you probably already do but it’s important to understand the reality of ‘sitting with anxiety’ as it is, I believe, a life changing skill you have to learn. 

When you’re in your therapist’s office, away from your triggers, having a nice chat about anxiety and the OCD cycle, this is a whole different ball game to being out there in the real world and so you need to set yourself up for success. 

Picture this, you leave your therapists office full of optimism and hope for your OCD recovery. You get home and get yourself organised, you feel positive, confident and hopeful and then have a go at your first exposure, the anxiety sets in, you feel overwhelmed, all logic goes out the window and you complete the compulsion, after all, ‘just this once wont matter, I’ll sit with it next time’.

So why does it feel so manageable and make so much sense in the therapist’s office but then when you come to do, ‘the work’ it feels impossible?   

Well, when you get triggered by your obsessions, you are thrown into your sympathetic nervous system, (fight or flight), this system is there to keep you safe and alive from potential threats and for whatever reason your brain sees your OCD obsession as a threatening situation – OCD is actually a ‘fault’ in this system.
 
When in fight or flight your brain is designed to get you out and away from these situations asap and so ‘just sitting with it’ although good in theory, can feel unbelievably impossible.
This system is powerful and it overrides your thinking brain, you lose the ability to access logic, perspective taking, rational thinking and working memory among other things – I’ve talked more about this in a pervious post if you’d like more information here. 

Suddenly what made perfect sense in your therapists office, seems impossible to even access, let alone execute successfully.  Your brain is literally telling you to get out of this situation as quick as possible, do the compulsion, whatever it takes to relieve the anxiety and distress.      

Now I’m not telling you that you don’t have to find a way to sit with this survival mechanism, which by the way has kept the human species alive for thousands of years, it just means you need to have the knowledge and tools in place beforehand, so you’re prepared.  All this will help you to sit with that feeling when it comes and not complete the compulsion.

Know that your brain will think you’re in a life or death, all or nothing situation and that that is normal! 

It will feel like you’re about to jump out of a plane not knowing if your parachute is packed correctly. This might sound extreme, but this is what your brain thinks the OCD obsession means and it will do everything it can to keep you safe.    

Knowing this has helped me on numerous occasions to keep moving forward, take that next step and sit with it, it has given me the grit to move past OCD obsessions which in the moment have felt too much to handle. 

So how do you prepare yourself?

You need to have this information accessible for when you are triggered, it will confirm that how you’re feeling is normal, as when you’re in a dysregulated state of mind you won’t be able to remember. 

I can’t count how many times this has helped me sit with the anxiety and not complete the compulsion.

Ah but does this become a compulsion in itself? I hear you ask…

…I don’t believe so, as eventually, it WILL build a new pathway in the brain and you WON’T need the notes, you’ll notice you’re in fight or flight and you’ll have the knowledge and experience that this is normal and it will pass, I’m not in a life-or-death situation, it’s just my OCD. 

But you only get to this stage by sitting through it at least a few times and proving that to yourself.   Remember the brain learns from experience and expectancy violation (a core mechanism in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, where a patient’s feared outcome is disproven by facing the fear without doing the compulsion. By violating this expectation, the patient learns that their fear is manageable, and their obsessive beliefs are false, which promotes long-term recovery. ) is unbelievably powerful in all aspects of our lives, not just OCD recovery. 

So use the notes to disprove the need for the compulsion and once your brain has enough evidence to know the compulsion is useless, you won’t need the notes anymore. 

I know it can feel impossible; it’s supposed to and that’s completely normal.  Know that when your therapist says, ‘just sit with it’, what they’re actually saying is:

‘your brain is going to tell you that the world is going to end and you have to do nothing about it’. 

The good news is that once you’ve sat through it a few times you start to see that the obsession didn’t happen and it was just OCD.  This is the moment you start to take your life back and boy what a feeling that is. 

Remember your brain is just trying to keep you safe from what it thinks is a life-or-death situation and it is going to do everything it can to stop you. You have to say:

‘thank you brain, I see that I’m having an OCD thought, I’m going to let it be and carry on with my day, aligning to my values’.    

Quite a tough one today but having confirmation of how hard it can be and what you’re up against is important for recovery.
I really hope it helps you as much as it has me,
As always, Stay Strong xxx

What’s the RAS and why it’s crucial for OCD recovery

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

One of the greatest insights into the brain and how it functions for me was when I learnt about the reticular activating system or RAS for short. 

I first read about the RAS in Jim Kwik’s book, Limitless – which I would highly recommend. 

He states that:

‘Every second, your senses gather up to 11 million bits of information from the world around you….
…The conscious mind typically processes only 50 bits per second. ‘

The RAS system plays an important role, 11 million is a lot and would be completely overwhelming if it all got through to your conscious awareness, so the RAS, filters out most of the information coming in. 

How does it know what to let through and what to ignore? This is generally based on where you focus your attention!    

Have you ever noticed when you’re shopping for something new, like a car, you suddenly start seeing the one you’re interested in all over the place?

I remember when my husband and I were looking for a new front door. I’d never looked at anyone’s front door before in my life, but all of a sudden I knew what everyone’s front door on my entire street was like.  We’ve now purchased our front door, and since then I’ve had no interest whatsoever in anyone else’s – my brain has stopped drawing my attention to them.

Another interesting example of this was when my husband and I went for an anniversary meal one year.  We were sitting in a beautiful conservatory enjoying a wonderful meal and I made a comment about one of the flower displays and how interesting the vase was.  My husband – generally much less interested in flowers and much more interested in technology – commented that he hadn’t even noticed the flowers but was looking at how they had discreetly wired in the sound system speakers – something which I had little interest in, so hadn’t noticed. 

Isn’t it fascinating how two people in the exact same space and moment in time can be experiencing something completely different, depending on what their brain thinks they’re interested in and is therefore drawing their attention to!

Bringing us round to OCD we can see how this system can work against us.  When we’re overly focused on our obsessions (unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, or feelings that repeatedly enter a person’s mind and cause significant anxiety.) our brain is going to see them as important and hijack that small stream of data coming through to our conscious awareness to bring our attention to them.  As it does this it blocks out all the other things we might very well have been interested in! 

Another great quote which I love is: ‘What am I missing by choosing to worry and be afraid?’

How much of your life are you missing out on? It can feel tough to hear all this, particularly, if like me, you’ve had OCD for a long time.  OCD thoughts consume so much of our mental space and energy that when other things come along, they could be right in front of us and we don’t see them!

So what do we need to do?

Well it doesn’t happen quickly, but we need to not engage with the OCD obsessions when they come in, any resistance to them shows the brain they are important and activates that filter.  I know it can feel impossible, but I have found, through 30 years of OCD experience, it is the only way to be rid of them. Just say: 

‘Thank you brain, that’s exactly what I want to hear right now’

and carry on with your day. This way you’re not pushing it away but you’re also not interacting with it.

Next, you need to check your inner dialogue. This will also effect what comes through your filter and quite often is running on auto pilot in an unhelpful way.

A great exercise is to sit for a moment and see how you talk to yourself.  I’m guessing if you have OCD you’re probably not being that kind.

From Jim Kiwk’s book, a quote from Dr Jennice Vilhauer

‘The inner critic isn’t harmless.  It inhibits you, limits you, and stops you from pursuing the life you truly want to live.  It robs you of peace of mind and emotional well-being and, if left unchecked long enough, it can even lead to serious mental health problems like depression and anxiety’ 

and I’d venture to add OCD to that list.    

Take a moment and write down what you hear yourself saying, then see if you can find a better more uplifting dialogue to tune into. Below are a couple of ideas for when OCD obsessions come in but you can apply this idea to all aspects of your life:

  • ‘I’m noticing my OCD is feeling overwhelming right now, but I’m working on letting it be and I know it will pass.  I am a strong and resilient person who can sit with this uncomfortable feeling’
  • ‘I know that giving into the OCD obsession will only make it worse in the future, I’m being strong now for my future freedom, I’m so proud of myself’
  • ‘When my OCD is triggered, I know I will be thrown into fight or flight, I can’t think rationally in that state so there is no point in interacting with the thought, I love that I can empower myself with this knowledge’.  

Next time you’re triggered have a go at using one of the above and see if it helps switch your mind away from negative thinking – which is going to be the focus of next week’s post.

Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already so you don’t miss any of my upcoming posts. let me know your thoughts on the RAS in the comments below, I’d love to hear your experiences of it too.

I hope this insight has been helpful, As always, Stay Strong xxx

The Power of Surrender in OCD Recovery

Posted in Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Surrender is something I’ve been trying to implement more in my life recently. 

I have written previously on how trust and confidence in the process of ERP are so important but also allowing yourself to surrender any internal resistance – which by the way can feel impossible at times – is really important, doing this allows your system time to discover it can cope and reset. 

I’ve recently noticed a sneaky OCD compulsion I have, where when an OCD thought comes in I naturally start to make a list of all the reasons that thought is rubbish.  It’s not even a fully conscious thing I do, but I have noticed me going:

‘Well, there’s no way I’d do __________ because I’m a good person and I’ve never done anything like that before and actually this feeling of doubt is a sign that I’d never do ________ and why would you hurt someone you love?’ etc, etc, etc

Does this sound familiar?  I think for a long time I’ve done this thinking it helps, but I’ve now realised it’s a damn COMPULSION!  Which has been keeping me stuck, argh!!!!

So, surrender is now my new strategy, noticing when this inner monologue kicks in and letting go of the need to defend my character. 

It reminds me of something I read called ‘Resisting the demons’ from Tara Brach’s book: ‘Trusting the Gold’, which I’d like to share.  It’s about a twelfth-century Tibetan master, called Milarepa and it goes as follows:

‘…he returned one evening to find his cave filled with demons.  Although he understood that they were just projections of his own mind, that didn’t make them any less threatening or horrible.  But how was he to get rid of them?

First, he thought teaching them spiritual truths might help.  They just ignored him. Angry and frustrated he ran at them, trying to push them out of the cave.  Far stronger than he, they laughed at him.  At last, Milarepa gave up, sat down on the floor and said, “I’m not leaving, and it looks like you are not either, so let us just live here together.”  That’s how we might finally respond to the especially stubborn demons we live with: “Well, that’s just the way I am.  I guess I have to live with it.  This is just the way life is.” 

But to Milarepa’s surprise, when he stopped resisting, instead of taking over, all the demons got up and left the cave.  All except one, and this one was particularly powerful. Milarepa realised that the only thing he could do was have the courage to deepen his surrender.  He walked over to that great demon and placed his head inside it’s gigantic mouth. “Just eat me up if you want to,” Milarepa said.  At that moment the demon vanished.’ 

Does this story resonate with you too?

I can see how the demons represent OCD obsessions, the ‘teaching them spiritual truths’ is a compulsion and feels a lot like what I’ve been doing recently with my, ‘I’m a good person reasoning’.

It does feel that surrendering – counterintuitive as it seems – is the only way to allow the thoughts to come and go without the distress. It’s only when we stop, judging, controlling, tensing against and avoiding our compulsions that we arrive in a more open, tender and healing space where the thoughts lose their power over us. 

I think it can feel ‘useful’ to be fighting against and battling our inner ‘demons’ at times but years of struggle has taught me that it’s not. 

When you finally stop it can feel a bit open and spacious, which is uncomfortable in a different way, the brain likes to be busy and it’ll want to fill that space with something. It is a creature of habit, so you will probably still get the doubt feeling coming, even if you’ve let go of the obsession, you need to get used to that feeling. If you don’t the brain will try desperately to attach it to another obsession – this is known as the ‘whack a mole’ effect – but know if you let it be the brain will eventually realise it doesn’t need to produce that feeling any more.

OCD recovery can feel like a long road but stick with it because the peace and clarity you get in the good times is worth it.

As always, you are not alone,
Stay Strong xxx