Category: Mental Wellbeing

Just smile

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OCD and anxiety can be so isolating at times and the more time you spend alone the stronger their hold on you becomes.  One of the things we need to fight constantly is to keep going out to places, being social and interacting with people.  This of course is more easily said then done.

One of my biggest hang ups has always been supermarkets, I hate them.  I hate the carparks full of people walking in any direction they fancy, the busyness inside, people walking into you with their trolleys, having to make decisions on food choices and
ignore all the associated OCD thoughts.  I will admit for a long time I avoided them completely, I’ve only recently started to go back into them now and I still wouldn’t dream of doing a whole weeks shop.  This is something I’m working on and in the mean time I am so grateful for online shopping!
Anyway I’m digressing, if you are an OCD or anxiety sufferer I am sure you have places that trigger similar thoughts for you, whether it be the car, driving, shopping centres, wherever.

Unfortunately there’s never an easy fix for these things (sorry!) and what we have to do is reprogram our minds and get to the root of what is so anxiety inducing about these situations.  I know for me there are a lot of OCD triggers in supermarkets but I am slowly working my way through them, taking time to breath when someone knocks into me and knowing I will be OK. Picking up the first carrot I see rather then wondering what each little mark on it may be and giving myself time to let the anxiety fade as I know we cannot stay in an elevated state permanently.

A new strategy I’ve recently learned which I am starting to try in the hope it will help is to smile, sounds simple I know.

The brain is suspended in darkness and can only react to the feedback it receives from the senses.  If you are heading towards a situation that would normally make you anxious or you are experiencing some anxiety/OCD thoughts for whatever reason then try  and smile your way through it.  It is reassuring for the brain, it thinks you are happy and it helps to reprogram your automatic responses to situations.
There’s also the added benefit that a lot of the time if someone sees you smiling then they will smile back and then you get more positive reinforcement for your brain that you are safe and happy and that there is no need to trigger any fight or flight anxiety inducing responses.

It’s so simple and so easy to do and can be so powerful.  I know sometimes smiling probably feels like the last thing you want to do but just give it a try, I know I’m going to.
I hope it helps and as always,

Stay strong xxx

Dealing with anxiety

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Over the last year anxiety has become my constant friend, everything seems to trigger it and though I continue to try and push myself to do things – knowing that I have to go through it to get better – it really doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and so I find myself thinking, ‘will it just always be there?‘.

This is a very scary thought but is it a realistic one?  So many things seem to trigger it and so how am I ever going to get to a stage where I can just, not be anxious?  Sometimes I’m not even sure why it’s there at all?  If I’m in a new situation, meeting someone new or in an unfamiliar place I get it but why would I feel anxious when trying to decide what to cook for tea?  Or getting ready to go out for the day or even just walking along the pavement?

Are we all just a bit more anxious nowadays? 

Life is incredibly busy and we do put so much pressure on ourselves to be – or at least appear to be – perfect.  Is social media to blame?  Do we honestly think that everyone else has it ‘sorted’?  Are we afraid of looking weak or less than?  Do we think others will judge us?  Why does it matter if they do?  Or is there just some deep bedded shit from our past that we have to work through?

I’m personally not sure how we are supposed to process this stuff but being aware of it I would guess is the first step.  Ultimately you’re trying to reprogram things that have been ingrained in you for years and this takes a lot of work and being present, you can’t just expect the body to change without being conscious of what it is doing.  So how do we tune into our bodies more?

Yoga

I have recently upped my yoga attendance as I find this practice really helps me tune into my body, I have done yoga for years but more recently it has taken on a new meaning to me.  I used to go for exercise, to increase my flexibility and to help with my sciatic pain but I almost feel like I used to do it mindlessly, just following the instructors commands and not really understanding the affect the postures have on the body.  The meditation at the end I just used to find boring and I didn’t really get the point of it but now I tune into my body and feel it buzzing with energy after a practice, something which has made me cry on more then one occasion!  I am so obsessed with Yoga now that I am doing my teacher training next year and can’t wait to understand more about the practice.  I would highly recommend it to anyone feeling anxious.

Mindfulness

We need to live outside of our heads more and not be consumed by our thoughts. It is far too easy to live mindlessly day to day, our mind actually helps us to live mindlessly by putting our daily activities into routines so we can do things without really thinking about them.  Does this sound familiar:

Get up, eat breakfast, shower, brush teeth, get in car, drive to work, switch PC on, etc, etc

How many new thoughts did you have along the way?  The mind thinks it’s helping you out by taking the thinking out of your repetitive daily activities but actually it’s doing you a disservice as you are mindlessly moving through life.  Try and mix up your morning routine, or any routine if you can.  Drive/walk a different route to work or change what you have for breakfast so you are consciously making decisions and being more mindful.

Meditation

Here’s one that’s supposed to be transformative but to be honest I struggle with this one too!  I will do anything to try and avoid it or ‘not have the time’ for it.  It’s so important to try and tune into your body and notice how you are feeling, this is how we pick up on the little things the body is trying to tell us.  I am going to try harder at this one.

Less sugar and caffeine

Trying to keep your body in equilibrium so it’s not spiking and dipping all day is also really important but again another really tricky one which I’m not great at either, I really do love my coffee.  Maybe moderation and baby steps is the way to look at this one to make it achievable?

Spend less time on your phone and more time in the real world

I probably don’t need to explain this one, we all know we do it and just reducing it maybe before bedtime, during meal times for first thing in the morning will have a positive effect.  Technology is part of life, like food this one is all about moderation and knowing when you’ve been on your phone too long.

Get outside more

Again this one is probably pretty obvious but try your best to spend at least part of your day outside, even if it’s just a walk at lunch time and take some deep breaths while your out there!

Be kind to yourself

Look after yourself and don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing your best and you won’t always get it right but as long as you’re trying that’s all you can ask of yourself.

I’m still working on some of these myself but I’m really hoping my anxiety levels are going to start to improve over the next few months. I think a lot of the time we know what we should be doing but actually making the changes seems hard work,  Just take one step at a time and don’t expect radical changes these things happen slowly, we are trying to change habits which have been formed over a lifetime and that’s going to take some work.

As always,

Stay Strong xxx

Alcohol – the social pressure

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A complicated topic this one, I think.  I very rarely drink nowadays and to be honest I don’t really miss it but with the Christmas season coming up and the inevitable works Christmas party on the horizon I am feeling the pressure a bit more.

I’ve mentioned to my work colleagues that ‘I won’t be drinking at the Christmas party‘ during a conversion about ‘what we should drink on the train on the way there!‘ and I was met with, ‘once you have one you’ll want to drink‘ and ‘but your so much fun when you’re drunk‘ etc etc.  Now don’t get me wrong I work with a good bunch of people and I know they respect my decision but it has highlighted to me that you are definitely going against the grain if you don’t drink.

So why is it such a taboo and why is our culture so focused on drinking as a social MUST to have fun? 

Are we just all too nervous to relax in social situations otherwise or is it just the love of drinking away the realities of the world for a few hours (was that a bit deep?).

I’ve definitely used alcohol as a way to escape the realities of my life in the past.  I drank massively to excess during my 20’s, partly due to my OCD but also partly because in our culture today it really is just the done thing.

Nowadays I don’t mind not fitting in, I know who I am and I am happy with that, I don’t need to conform but through my 20’s I was not confident.  In fact I kind of hated myself a lot of the time (thank you OCD) and so I drank like everybody else.

There’s definitely a bit of dedication involved in not conforming but still partaking in life.  It’s not healthy to cut yourself off from social situations completely to avoid drinking, especially if you suffer from mental health issues, being on your own is going to do you no favours (Obviously if you have a serious problem this could be different for you and you should get some help).

It is difficult as you can come across as being awkward or difficult a lot of the time.  I hardly drink and I don’t eat dairy so I’m never having a bit of the birthday cake or sip of the celebratory champagne and occasionally I do feel like I’m being anti social but you just have to own it and enjoy the fact that you’ll be the one with the clear head in the morning.

I’m not sure whether I’ll ever completely give up alcohol but I think I’d like to.  In the past I would have terrible memory loss after a night out drinking and that mixed in with false memory and magical thinking OCD was a very, very scary mix, especially if you don’t have a good mate to fill in the blanks for you.  These are definitely days I’d happily leave in the past.

I know this sort of memory loss can be terrifying for people with OCD but there’s no way around it other then just not drinking.  If you’re using alcohol to block out bad thoughts then I can tell you now that it’s only a short term fix and it will not work, but you probably already knew that didn’t you?

Recovery is a slow process but it’s worth it and things will start to get better I promise.

Stay Strong xxx

 

You’re not going to win everyday!

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Life is full of up and downs and I think we probably all know this, so why then do we give ourselves such a hard time on the days we aren’t quite ‘feeling it’?

As a mother of two, who works part time and is studying as well I often feel like I’m not quite doing everything up to my self imposed ‘standards’.  I beat myself up if I’m not cooking from scratch or I’ve forgotten to buy the present for Jamie’s birthday party on the weekend but ultimately I just need to give myself a break.

You’re not going to ‘nail it’ every day no matter who you are I promise!  We all need to remember this, there will be days where everything goes to plan and you feel like you’re winning at life but there will also be days when nothing seems to go your way and for some reason you’re feeling a bit crappy about yourself or life.  You know what that’s OK, that’s what makes you human and the world is not going to fall apart if you have an off day.

I think it’s very easy to catastrophise the bad days and forget about the good ones.  We are very often our own worst enemies and we have to stop doing it and be kinder to ourselves, I know I definitely do!

How to help with the bad days

  • I know on the bad days it’s incredibly hard to think positively so maybe do some prep in advance for when they hit.
  • Write a list of the good things in your life so you can read it through when you’re feeling low
  • Make a list of the things you have achieved and if you do something that makes you feel good write it down so you can re visit it when you feel down.
  • If you’re fatigued/burnt out then allow yourself to rest and don’t feel guilty about it – I’m terrible at this – you are allowed some down time.
  • Talk to people, I’m sure they will have a much better opinion of you then you do of yourself on a bad day, they’ll help you remember how amazing you are.
  • If you’re feeling mentally low then get out of the house and get moving, exercise can normally help shift a bad mood.
  • Don’t look on social media and compare yourself to others – this is a highlights reel which is not achievable.
  • Socialise – loneliness is your worst enemy and will only make you feel worse
  • Know what makes you happy and do it even if you don’t feel like it, this is exactly what I do when I feel low now.  Even if I don’t feel with it mentally I make myself physically go through the motions, so I’ll go for a walk, eat something I enjoy, talk to someone, socialise with friends, exercise, eat healthily, write blog post.  Basically all the things I know help me and eventually one of them will start to work.
  • Be kind to yourself – give yourself a hug, you’re doing great.  

I have had low periods for as long as I can remember and some times they last for several days but you know what I’ve learnt from experience, they always, ALWAYS pass and if you do the right things they’ll pass quicker.

I hope today at least you’re all having a good day,

Stay Strong xxx

 

 

Maintaining your mental health

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This one I hate to say does not have an easy fix, it takes some commitment and a promise to yourself to be kind.  It needs to be worked at daily if you want to stay level and in control.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this, in the past it felt easier to self medicate with alcohol and drugs and just ignore issues but I tell you now from experience these quick fixes do not work.  If you don’t process your pain/anxiety/stress etc then it will most likely come out anyway, potentially when you’re not expecting it and you’re completely unable to control it.  By holding it in you can become tightly wound, touchy, stressed and probably not a very nice person to be around.

Now we all have an idea of what is good for us, even if we pretend not to, we know cigarettes are bad and too much alcohol will make us feel rough.  We know if we sleep in, only eat beige coloured food and do not exercise then we’re not going to feel great or have much energy, so then why is it so hard not to do these things?

Is society stacked against us?
This is such an interesting question and to a certain extent I think yes.  I think socially nowadays it’s really tough to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  So much of our culture revolves around drinking and eating and so opting out of these things can feel antisocial (which can have it’s own mental health impact).
When you walk into a supermarket a lot of the advertising is targeted towards the quick, easy fixes and highly processed foods which aren’t great for us.  Our lifestyles nowadays are hectic, trying to fit in as much as we can, work pressures, family pressures and the general pressure of society (and social media) to live a ‘perfect’ life.  As a result we run on auto pilot a lot of the time as doing things out of routine takes a bit more thought and brain power.  With our hectic lives there isn’t always enough time or energy left at the end of the day, generally if someone offers us a quick fix its just easier to take it.
In the short term it’s probably easier not to ‘be good’. We’ve all heard the phrases ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’, ‘It’s Christmas’, ‘go on treat yourself’, ‘Don’t be boring’.  We all have good intentions but you have to be pretty strong to stick to them when society seems like it’s pretty much stacked against you.
Think though, if we’re constantly doing what we know subconsciously we shouldn’t be then our we always feeling subconsciously guilty?  I’ll leave that one for you to ponder. 
I was listening to an interview with Matt Haig the other day who was saying as a society we’re almost programmed to be slightly anxious so that businesses are able to sell us more products.  Think about it: makeup, face creams, hair products, cars, holidays the list goes on and on.  Your life will be complete when you have these things, you must need them, right?  Putting you into a constant state of unease and discontent.  
So what do you need to successfully change?
  1. Community/support
    I think it’s incredibly hard to succeed on your own, you really have to make a conscious decision to change and that can mean removing yourself from social groups which aren’t supportive and finding other like minded individuals.  I’m not sure of the stats but I would say you’re much more likely to succeed at something if you have the support of a friend or group of friends around you.
  2. Motivation
    You really have to want/need to do it.  A lot of my changes have come through health issues (so a need), my mental health is fragile and needs constant maintaining along with my gut health and so diet.  Even though my journey started as a need it has now become a want, I see the positive affects of the changes I’m making and I want to continue to benefit from them. My other huge motivation is my children.  I want to set a good example for them and make sure they have all the tools they need to be happy and healthy.
  3. Baby steps                                                                                                                            Don’t change everything at once, you will fail. There are probably a few things which will need to be all or nothing such as smoking – at some point you just have to say enough is enough – but don’t quit smoking the same day you go on a diet and join the gym!  Take it one step at a time and be kind to yourself, these are forever changes so there is plenty of time.
  4. Results                                                                                                                                           I have worked at my health (mental and physical) for a good 5 years now and it is a working progress, I don’t always get it right I go backwards as well as forwards but more recently I can see myself changing.  I feel calmer, happier, socially less anxious, freer almost.  I still have dark days and I know I have a long way to go, I’m not sure 100% is actually achievable for anyone but it’s nice to be heading in the right direction at least.
  5. Take time for yourself                                                                                                      Make sure you make time for yourself and treat yourself well, be as present as you can day to day and try to be mindful as much as possible.
I really think small incremental steps is the way forward, it’s not about, ‘in two months I’ll have lost a stone and be vegan’, it’s about adding in a short walk every other day to get some fresh air and exercise or making one vegetarian meal a week.  All of these small changes will add up over time,  Try not to get focused on big target dates, it’s all about the journey.
Stay Strong xxx

Anxiety

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I think anxiety has been part of my life for as long as OCD if not longer. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt completely relaxed, always questioning myself and my abilities, always thinking I’m not good enough and trying to please others. I naturally put myself down and the other day I even talked my boss out of promoting me at work because I didn’t think the people I would be managing would respect me enough to see me as senior! I’ve also noticed recently that I hold my breath, all the time which I’m currently leaning is terrible for anxiety.

I have created so many negative patterns over the years – similar to my last blog with the self defeating thoughts – that I’m surprised I’m still surviving to be honest.  I’ve even been tempted to give up this blog a few times as, “I know I’ve never been good at writing and who would want to read what I have to say anyway”.

I’m pretty sure a lot of my issues – particularly the breathing ones – stem from when I was young. I had terrible teachers at primary school, a terrifying father who
I just wanted to please all the time so that he wouldn’t loose his temper and just no good role models to show me good habits.  So here I am at 34 trying to wade through all the sh*t. Letting go of things which are very deeply rooted, some maybe even completely hidden from me still seems like an impossible task but I’m slowly trying to chip away at it day after day.

I’m guessing we’ve probably all got a bit of baggage stored up somewhere, if you’ve managed to get to where you are in life without any then you’ve done extremely well and please let me know the answer! Some people I think are calmer and find things easier to let go of or flow over them (this is what I’m working on). Other people probably don’t even realise that the reason they loose their temper so quickly or grind their teeth at night is probably rooted in something subconscious. Some people simply don’t want to face their issues and other perhaps can’t or don’t feel strong enough to.  It’s definitely not an easy road that’s for sure.

My ‘baggage’ for want of a better word started to make me ill; OCD, anxiety, UC, so I didn’t really have a choice but to look at things.  I am trying with this blog, therapy, diet, exercise, breath work and meditation to work through my issues but even I’m scared to open some of the doors to what I know is going to be horribly hard. There’s also a fear there particularity with the OCD that I will get pulled back in and that is absolutely terrifying.  Some days I feel like I’m clinging on and I might slip back, other days I feel strong and can face exposing myself to my past. The journey is long and bumpy but somehow I have to stay on it.

So I started this post about anxiety and how I feel like it’s connected to my breath, I’m currently going through a book, ‘And Breathe’, by Rebecca Dennis, which I would highly recommend as I believe it has helped me already. Just understanding how breathing properly can help you control your emotions and anxieties when they hit is the most fantastic tool.  I have been feeling more energised and positive just by doing 20 minutes breathing practice a night, it is nice to feel a little bit more in control and to have the energy and motivation to want to cook more healthily and exercise more.

I hope you’re all doing well this week,

Stay Strong xxx

Subconsciously self-defeating

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Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘You’re your own worst enemy’?  Well I’ve definitely got that one down.  I’ve become so good at it in fact that I now do it subconsciously!  It wasn’t until very recently – whilst going round a supermarket – that I could hear myself saying:

‘You’re really stressed out’

‘I feel so anxious’

‘Why is this so hard?’ 

‘Don’t look at anyone, head down and just get what you need’

Of course if you then add in all the OCD thoughts on top:

‘That looks a bit like blood’

‘That person just knocked me, what if I’ve caught something from them?’

‘I had a bad thought when I picked that carrot up, maybe I should put that one back and pick another one?’

‘Are the ingredients in this going to give me cancer?

you get the gist, completely exhausting.

So basically I go round day after day giving myself a hard time and pretty much setting myself up to fail from the outset.  My mind is constantly telling me that I’m not good enough, I can’t cope and that I’m feeling anxious.  I really don’t stand a chance and to top it off most of the time I’m doing it without even realising!

When I realised I was doing this I did try to turn the phrases around and speak more positively and kindly to myself but of course I have to notice that I’m doing it before I can be proactive about it.

I think we probably all need to be a bit kinder to ourselves, I mean if we can’t be kind to ourselves then what chance do we stand and yet I bet most of us are our own worst critic.

I am going to try and think of 5 things each night that I like about myself and when I look in the mirror I’m going to try and look at the things I do like about myself rather then the things I don’t.  Trying to change the habit of a life time is not going to be easy though, so many things happen without me even realising.

Why are we so hard on ourselves anyway?

Over the years I have found that in general people don’t want to hear good things, it almost feels like you’re boasting if you say ‘well my relationship is great and I love my husband very much’, people just don’t want to hear it.
People seem to like to moan and then moan to each other about each other, what
is with that?
Society seems pretty broken when I think of situations like this.  It takes a very secure and happy person to be truly happy for someone else and I don’t think many people are there themselves so how can they feel it for other people?

We all need to work on our happiness and be a bit kinder to ourselves.  Maybe try saying some of the following to yourself.

  1. I deserve to be happy
  2. I am in control of my own happiness
  3. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends
  4. I possess the qualities needed to be successful
  5. I am beautiful
  6. I love myself and who I am (generally a really hard one for people with OCD  but so important for recovery.)

I hope they help, as always

Stay Strong xxx

 

Breathing

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So I’ve done Yoga for many years and for anyone who’s done Yoga at all you’ll be aware that there’s normally a bit of meditation involved and some deep breathing and to be honest I normally find this part a bit dull.  I’ve also been on courses where I’ve learnt about the importance of breathing to get through fight or flight and all about the parasympathetic nervous system and the sympathetic nervous system and how to balance them, I’ve learnt about heart math and it’s benefits and I’ve even blogged on here for over two years about how important breathing and mindfulness is but it wasn’t until today whilst listening to a Happy Place podcast with Rebecca Dennis that the impact of my breath on my entire life really hit me.

A good few years ago when I first met my husband he used to say to me quite often:

‘You’re holding your breath again’

Now, I just used to find this ‘pointless’ information annoying but today it REALLY hit me that this is actually the root of all my issues.  This is why yoga and meditation when I do them actually help me A LOT.  I hold my breath literally all the time, I’m doing it NOW, whilst writing this post, I can feel myself doing it!

I honestly think this is going to change my life.  I have been doing my meditations more (admittedly not everyday) but even that is starting to help and I am definitely going to continue with it.

Just stopping now and listening to my breath, its not smooth its not even, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long to be honest!

I am sure I will need to do some work on what has caused me to hold my breath in this way but at least now I am aware of it and I can move forward.

Hopefully this will help someone else too,

Stay Strong xxx

 

Mindfulness

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So what feels like years ago I said something along the lines of,

‘I’m going to give mindfulness a go because I’ve dabbled in it and it seems to work’. 

So it was actually Oct 2017 and to be honest I haven’t really got any further along my mindfulness journey which is incredibly disappointing.

Recently I’ve been feeling incredibly stressed and anxious, my stomach problems have been getting worse and I’ve felt quite out of control – which I HATE – I don’t seem to be able to find a diet which suits me and I am struggling to think clearly as my mind fog comes and goes.  Even sitting myself down to write this blog post has been a challenge but I know it is important that I do.

So also about a year ago I downloaded a mindfulness app, it has a feature that lets you put in an alert so that every day you get a reminder to do just 5 minutes (initially) of mindfulness meditation, should be easy right?  Every evening I see it pop up on my phone and every evening I just ignore it and carry on with whatever I am doing – I obviously have no time for that.  Writing this now I know my husband is going to give me a hard time about this, I know alright, insert rolling eyes emoji here.  I also know he only does it because he loves me.

We are very self destructive as humans, we almost rebel against the things we know do us good.  We know we should eat well, exercise, drink in moderation, not smoke or do drugs, we should meditate and sleep for 8 hours each night etc etc.  So why don’t we do these things?  Is it because we think it makes us boring?  I know personally when I start  trying to do all these things I feel very overwhelmed and you have to be very determined as no one else seems to be doing them so there’s very little support.

I went round a friends house yesterday and out on the floor were two cakes and a bag of cookies and then the conversation was all about trying to loose weight.  What is wrong with us?  Does it just take a bit more effort and therefore we can’t be bothered?

Anyway I digress, this post was supposed to be about mindfulness meditation.  So this week when that notification on my phone pops up, an much as I know I’m not going to want to I’m going to try and take that five minutes and tune in with my body because I owe it to myself.

I will let you know how it goes, stay tuned and of course as always,

Stay Strong xxx

 

Hangry

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So the definition of Hangry for those who aren’t sure is:

‘bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger’.

Now this is definitely something I’ve been ‘suffering’ from over the last fortnight.  As a result of some intolerance testing I had done (because of my Ulcerative colitis) I was advised to eliminate dairy, wheat, gluten and reduce my intake of some other foods like oats and soya, honestly the list was pretty substantial and very overwhelming.

I hadn’t really expected there to be a mental backlash from these tests, in fact I was expecting to feel quite positive about the outcome, maybe there would be something I could work on to improve my health?

However what I actually experienced was:

  1. The initial depression which hit straight away from having to eliminate so many foods.
  2. Having not seen a dramatic improvement, there’s an element of feeling like I’m making huge sacrifices for very small benefits, very discouraging.
  3. It’s super disheartening when you go out as you can’t find anything to eat and the thing you normally end up having is something you don’t even want just so you can eat something!
  4. but the one that has hit me this last week is the anxiety.  I believe this has come as a result of constantly feeling hungry and unsatisfied and therefore too much adrenaline being released into my body.

When your body feels hungry your adrenal glands release adrenaline to keep you going until you can eat again.  It boosts heart rate, blood pressure and energy levels which is great in an emergency situation but if this is happening constantly throughout the day you’re body doesn’t know what to do and you are just in a constant state of anxiety.  

My anxiety hadn’t been up at that level for a long time, I had no patience, I was teary, snappy, feeling overwhelmed constantly and like I couldn’t cope, getting out was really stressful and to be honest I was feeling like I needed to go to the doctors and get myself on some medication as I couldn’t seem to get my head sorted.

I hadn’t felt like that for years and so I went and ordered myself a big meal full of all the things I shouldn’t eat as a last attempt to feel better and you know what almost instantly my head felt clearer, my stomach not so much unfortunately but yesterday I had to prioritise my mental health and as a result today I actually feel human again today.

It has been incredibly scary for me to feel so out of control after having a good handle on my mental health for a good few years now, I really need to be more careful before making big changes and just removing things from my diet, I have definitely learnt my lesson.

Mental and physical health is such a balancing act, food and eating well is a huge part of this, the last fortnight has been a scary reminder of this.

Stay Strong xxx