Tag: Pure O

Understanding OCD Through Relational Framework Theory

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Does this sound familiar?

You’re out enjoying your day, you feel happy, in fact you feel really good and then all of a sudden out of no where you get hit with an OCD obsession.  ‘Ugh you think, why now when I was having so much fun and feeling so happy?’    

Why indeed?

Well there’s a theory to why this happens and it’s called, ‘relational framework theory’ in fact it’s what ACT – acceptance commitment therapy – is built upon.

I’m sure I’m not going to be as good as the creators at explaining how it works so please go look up Steven C. Hayes if you have a chance but the theory is based upon the concept that humans think relationally. 

This basically means that humans can and do relate objects in their environment to other objects. Virtually in any possible way e.g. same as, better than, opposite of, greater than, faster than, part of, similar to or like, before and after, if/then, family relationships, near and far etc,
There are all sorts of ways in which we sort and link information in our minds and it has been amazing for our evolutionary progress however it also opens us up to the possibility of immense suffering.   

Lets dig a little deeper

As we grow as humans, we create vast networks of relationships in our brains.  We link objects together so we are better able to make sense of them and recall them when needed. 

Ever found that when learning something new if you can relate it to or build upon something you already know it’s far easier to remember?  Or when you try and recall someone’s name it can help to remember where you know them from? 

This is because your brain has linked ‘Julie from the gym’, with the gym in your head, therefore remembering the gym will help you recall Julie’s name. 

Julie from the gym might also have other connections such as she has a daughter who goes to the same school you used to attend or maybe she likes to play netball and so does your friend Jane – Jane and Julie will now be linked in your mental framework too.

Here’s a little game you can play to help demonstrate this further:

Write down one noun – any type of object or animal will do

Noun 1 _________________________

Now write down a second noun

Noun 2________________

Now answer the following 3 questions:

  1. How is the first noun related to the second one?
  2. How is the first noun better than the second one?
  3. How is the first one the parent of the second one? 

The third one can take a bit longer but given a bit of time an answer will come.

This exercise highlights how the brain can relate anything to anything else!!!!!!!  It is an interesting insight as ultimately not everything can be the parent of everything; however, the brain justifies these relations by features it abstracts from the related facts. Your mind can always find a justification for that relation!  Sound similar to OCD?

Bringing us back then to OCD and the start of this post.

We can see how obsessions (unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, or feelings that repeatedly enter a person’s mind and cause significant anxiety.) can become linked to events, people, places, circumstances, actions, words, smells, music/sounds etc.

The obsession, whatever it is, can become attached to an existing relational framework in our brain, triggering our OCD every time we then come into contact with that object or framework in the future!

‘ARGH!!!!!!!!!’

Does this sound familiar? 

Can you think of any frameworks that OCD has latched onto?  Maybe something in your bedtime routine, perhaps when you cook a meal and get the knives out, maybe when left on your own with your kids, perhaps when the news comes on, or it could be when you get into your car, the things OCD can attach itself onto are literally endless.

And unfortunately, once it has attached itself, as far as I’m aware, there’s no easy way to unattach it again.

Having an awareness of this is so important for OCD recovery because we have to accept that we are going to get triggered, and if we fight it, push it away or try and block it out, it just makes it stronger and even more sticky.  You can’t unravel these networks they are too vast and convoluted.    

So what can we do?

We have to let go of the struggle.

There’s a lovely ACT metaphor which illustrates this nicely

Someone is standing in a battlefield fighting a war. The war is not going well.  The person fights harder and harder.  Losing is a devasting option, but unless the war is won the person fighting it thinks that living a worthwhile life will be impossible. So the war goes on. 
Unknown to this person however is that at any time they can quit the battlefield and begin to live life now.  The war may still go on and the battlefield may still be visible. The terrain may look very much as it did while the fighting was happening but the outcome of the war is no longer very important and the seemingly logical sequence, of having to win the war before beginning to really live has been abandoned. – Extract Taken from: Get out of your mind and into your life by Steven C. Hayes. 

Here we see that the way to move forward is to stop fighting, accept the obsession and carry on with our lives aligning to our values.  Eventually the brain sees the link to the framework as unimportant and stops bringing your attention to it so readily, however every now and then it will throw it back up to check if its important and it’s your job at this point to say:

‘thank you brain that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now’

and then carry on with your day aligning to your values – for more information on values work check out my post here.


If you’re enjoying learning more about ACT therapy then I would highly recommend looking up Steven C. Hayes, which is who a lot of these ideas have come from. 

A small thank you at the end of this one for your ongoing support, this is my 100th blog post and definitely something which should be celebrated.

As always, Stay Strong xxx

Breaking the Cycle: Overcoming OCD Compulsions

Posted in Mental Health, OCD, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I wrote last week about how when we get triggered by OCD obsessions (unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, or feelings), it’s a faulty signal from our amygdala (part of the brain responsible for detecting potential threats), if we then give into the compulsion (a repetitive behaviour or mental act) it confirms the threat and fully triggers the fight or flight response in our body. 

Why is this an issue? 

Well, when in fight or flight we don’t tend to think rationally, we’re in survival mode and though this system can be useful at times, when it comes to OCD it’s not the place we want to be. 

It allows the irrational use of compulsions to ‘neutralise’ thoughts seem rational.  We see ourselves doing things we know are senseless, like retracing our steps, washing our hands multiple times, repeating safety phrases in our heads or ruminating endlessly on thoughts, but for whatever reason the brain has convinced us it will help. 

This is wrong, in fact compulsions do nothing but cause us more distress, more uncertainty and less trust in our own ability to cope!

So why does our body do this? 

According to ChapGPT it serves the following purposes:

The brain prioritizes speed over nuance.
In a threat situation, the amygdala, pushes the body to act quickly. Nuanced thinking takes time; survival favours rapid, simple judgments like safe vs. unsafe, friend vs. foe, stay vs. run.

It reduces cognitive load during stress.
Under high stress, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and complex thinking) becomes less active. The brain simplifies decisions to conserve resources.

It minimizes hesitation.
Ambivalence can be dangerous during real threats. If you’re being chased, you don’t want to think:
“Well, maybe it’s dangerous, but maybe it’s not, and perhaps I should consider my options…”
You want an immediate, decisive action.

It helps coordinate the body’s physiological response.
Fight-or-flight relies on a clear appraisal: threat = act. Black-and-white thinking helps the brain send a strong, unified signal.

Why is this an issue in OCD?

When we believe our obsessions, which are being prompted by a fault in this system and give into our compulsions, we are triggering our fight or flight response repeatedly, the cascade of issues this causes is as follows:

The brain learns:

  • Ambiguity = risk
  • Nuance = unsafe
  • Only extremes are predictable

So the nervous system keeps simplifying the world into binaries—even when there is no threat!

Our amygdala becomes hyper-reactive

A sensitized amygdala reacts to mild cues, (OCD obsessions) as if they’re major threats. This leads to rapid, black-and-white judgments like:

  • “That bump in the road might have been a person”
  • “I had a negative thought when I turned on the light, maybe I should turn it off again and make sure I think positive thoughts when I turn it on this time, just in case.”
  • “There’s a tiny mark on that apple, I should probably throw it away and get another one, it’s probably poisonous.”

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and nuance, gets less access as chronic stress reduces blood flow and connectivity in regions that support:

  • Perspective-taking
  • Emotional regulation
  • Tolerance for uncertainty
  • Gray-area thinking
  • Long-term planning

In this state, the brain defaults to simple categories because complexity feels overwhelming.

When we have OCD, Fight-or-flight can turn into a trait instead of a temporary state!

When the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) stays activated long-term, the cognitive style that evolved for emergencies becomes our everyday thinking. 

This is why giving into OCD compulsions, even one, is only ever going to lead to more distress, more compulsions to try and relive that stress, sending you freefalling down that rabbit hole. 

We need to realise that the compulsion is not keeping us safe and remove it’s usefulness. 

I know from years of experience with OCD that there’s always another ‘what if?’ or ‘maybe?’ and whenever I’ve given into a compulsion all I’ve done is made things worse. I become withdrawn, irritable and irrational, simple tasks get overwhelming and life becomes very challenging. 

I understand it can feel impossible at times not to just do the compulsion, ‘just once more won’t hurt, I’ll sit with it the next time’ – sound familiar?  But I know from experience that it’s never going to feel easy, it’s always going to be challenging.

However knowing that the compulsion is useless, serves no purpose and will only make things worse, helps give me the strength to not give in.

I really hope this information helps you too. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
As always,
Stay Strong xxx

Pure O, False Memory & POCD

Posted in Mental Health, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , 5 Comments

I haven’t blogged solely about OCD for a while so I though it might be time.  I have been avoiding writing this post ever since I started this blog, it’s a really tough topic for me to write about as I still struggle with it myself at times and there’s always a fear that it may trigger something.

My first post on false memory OCD which I wrote over two years ago has been my most viewed post by a country mile and that just tells me how many other people are struggling with this one.

It is I believe one of the most isolating parts of OCD, as unfortunately it can come with a lot of shame as it often covers uncomfortable and distressing topics which are ‘taboo’ in society, as a result most people are terrified to talk about them.

I wrote about it once with regards to my fears around driving and the false memories/OCD thoughts that I might have hit/killed someone and not realised.  Today I take it a step further and talk about another completely terrifying topic the fear/false memory that you may have interfered with a child.

I would say thinking you are a murderer or a paedophile are probably two of the scariest and most terrifying thoughts you could have.

OCD is very clever, because ultimately you know you haven’t done these things but because you can’t remember every exact detail – and nobody would btw – and prove it 100% you spend hours obsessing over the fact you might have.  As a result you waste hours googling things and pretty much driving yourself insane going over the same situation again and again and again, slowly withdrawing from reality as OCD takes up all your mental energy.

Here it’s important to note with memory that the more we go over a situation the sketcher it actually gets.  This is because we reconstruct memories from the last time we had the memory.  Therefore you are NEVER going to get any additional information from that memory.  What then starts to happen, if we continue to think over a memory, is that our brain – trying to be helpful – ‘fills in the gaps’, which is where false memory OCD can start to weave it’s evil way in too.

Now you have a triple whammy of OCD themes hitting you (Pure O, POCD, False memory OCD) which will mostly likely cause you to become, irritable, distracted and unable to function properly as you become so absorbed in your thoughts and to top it all off you are scared to tell anyone, as who would have these horrible thoughts and be ‘normal’ (whatever that is), and so you become more and more isolated, alone, depressed and miserable.

This part of Pure O and false memory OCD has made me think I’m the worst human alive and so scared to speak to others through fear of being judged that at times I have thought the only way out or release would be ending my life.

Pure O intrusive thoughts have made me too scared to give my niece a hug when I read her a story, scared to take my nephew to the bathroom and at times scared to bath or hug my own children through fear that I might do something inappropriate.

All this I am sad to say in the past has led me to withdraw from seeing my family and friends and made me feel like the only way out is ending my own life. The thought that I could harm some of the people in this world who I love the most has been completely horrifying and probably the worst part of my OCD over the years, hence why it’s taken me so long to write about it.

However I am happy to say I did speak to someone, I did get help and I am sitting here now writing this so that others don’t have to suffer too, awareness is everything with OCD, it can only live if you don’t talk about it.

Having a thought does not make it real or you a bad person, we all have them. It does not mean that you will harm a child or do something inappropriate.  

This also leads onto another OCD pattern called ‘Thought-Action-Fusion’ defined by the national library of medicine as:

‘the tendency for individuals to assume that certain thoughts either imply the immorality of their character or increase the likelihood of catastrophic events.’

So a belief that just having a though makes it somehow more likely, real or mean something about you as a person.

It can be extremely difficult to talk about these intrusive thoughts, particularly if they include people close to you or their children or even your own children but it is unbelievably important that you do if you are having them and they are causing you mental anguish.

Doctors are trained to hear about these thoughts and will not think you are crazy or a horrible person, they will be sympathetic and understanding, they will have heard it all before.  If you are still unsure it can help to go to a psychologist who is specially trained in OCD therapy to guarantee you will be understood.

You have to believe in yourself and your values, know that you are a good person who finds these thoughts repulsive and disturbing because you have strong morals and high expectations of yourself.

I have come such a long way with these intrusive thoughts, I have gone from feeling like I can’t bath my son, to pushing myself to and letting the thoughts be, to now not even having the thoughts at all.  Bath time has actually become a fun time, splashing about and laughing.

I hope by putting this out there that it will help people in a similar position to feel less alone and seek help. This has been unbelievably hard for me to write about and has actually bought tears to my eyes but if it can help one person then it has been worth it.

A couple of other places which I found really useful, if you’re not quite ready to talk yet, were the Instagram accounts of:

@jenna.overbaugh and @alegrakastens both are trained psychologists who specialise in OCD and have fantastic posts about the more taboo sides of OCD.

Sending you strength, peace, happiness and as always,
STAY STRONG xxx

OCD – Transference

Posted in Mental Health, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

So I’m not completely sure whether transference is the best term to describe this type of OCD but it feels like the best word to use for now.  When I think about OCD transference I think about a belief that someone else’s issues/problems can be ‘transferred’ onto you by just hearing about them/coming in to contact with them.  I would say it’s very closely linked to magical thinking OCD where there doesn’t have to be any actual factual link, your mind has just associated the two things together and triggered the anxiety and from then on you’re just back peddling.

I get this a lot, I mean A LOT.  It’s almost like when I hear something new, say on the news or in the paper I have to self assess myself to see if I am capable of what I’ve read or if there’s any event in my past that I can link to what I’ve seen.  Sometimes there’s even a fear that I could do what I’ve heard in the future.  So yes, it pretty much covers all bases.

Something I have found really helpful with getting through this type of OCD (which pretty much still hits me daily) is liking and believing  in yourself you have to know yourself incapable of unthinkable acts.  It does get a bit trickier when it’s something out of your control like a fear of contamination or a health issue.  We can spend so much time worrying about things happening to us that we forget to live.  This is probably one of the saddest things about OCD, I know I have missed out on a lot over the years through fear.  It’s so frustrating for me to look back now and I really try hard not to let it get to me anymore.

Having an awareness of what is happening can help, I’ve had OCD for a long time but I probably had it for nearly 10 years before I really understood what it was that was happening to me.  Without the understanding the anxiety and fears are more real because you just ‘go with them’, your body is telling you to be scared so you are.  I am now so aware of my irrational reactions to things that sometimes I am combating them before they even hit me.  Obviously it would be amazing to get to a stage where I have no reaction to the news etc but I’m not sure if this will ever be possible for me.  There’s only so much you can change the way your mind works.

So one of the things about transference is that a lot of them time you know the associated thought is irrational, I’m going to use an example sorry.

Say you have found out a friend has cancer, when you are hearing about it you think of yourself and then you have a fear that you will also get cancer unless you neutralise the thought with a ritual of some sort. 

You have transferred someone else’s issue onto yourself.  It’s quite a basic example but you get the general gist.  What can also happen for people with Pure O is that you realise the thought is irrational and you have to try and work out why your brain has linked it and why it’s completely irrational, therefore giving the thought time and making it stronger and more distracting.

I’m sitting here writing this now and I don’t like the fact that I’ve used myself in the example.  As by writing it my OCD is telling me that it could make it more likely to happen, which I know is completely irrational but still, the thought is there and I’m so tempted to change my example but I’m not going to!

It’s tough, this sort of OCD because you can’t avoid it, you have to face it.  Try to live in the now as much as you can, don’t think about the past, at all.  Try not to think too much about the future because you can’t truly know what is going to happen and you have limited control over it.  If you can take a  positive action then do it but otherwise let it be.

  • Make the most of what you have, write a thankful list each day to help you realise all of the good things that you have and how lucky you are.
  • Seek out the positives in life and don’t let other people drag you down.
  • Always do your best to fight the thoughts, it will get easier over time.
  • Use every tool you have to stay on course through your recovery.
  • Eat well and exercise if you can
  • Don’t use alcohol to drown out the thoughts, this never works!

Stay Strong xxx

Pure O

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So here we are with another OCD classification, there really are a whole world of subcategories aren’t there but you know when you’re suffering from OCD you probably have no idea about which subcategory you fall under and actually it’s not hugely important.  OCD can actually morph as well, when I was younger I had a lot of physical compulsions but nowadays 99% of my OCD would be classed as ‘Pure O’ I guess.

Pure O is when your OCD is internalised and you don’t really have any compulsions.  I would guess it’s more common in adults (though I have no evidence to support this) than children as I would say adults are generally more socially aware and better at hiding things, especially over time.

It’s also potentially a more dangerous form of the disorder as well, as if someone is particularly practised at hiding it, you can have no idea they have it and that person can suffer in silence for years and probably will, as if they’ve gone to such extreme levels to hide the thoughts then they’re probably ashamed of them.

So how can you tell if someone is suffering from ‘Pure O’?  I think my biggest tell was always mood swings, if a thought hit me that I couldn’t shake I would become quite withdrawn but if this wasn’t possible for a some reason then I would get very touchy as trying to rationalise a thought while trying to behave ‘normally’ is well, impossible to be honest.

People will not want to just open up and tell you what they’re thinking if it’s already causing a massive level of distress.  To get someone out of one of these episodes is tough.  Thoughts can take hold for days, weeks, months sometimes.  I’ve had to  come home from holidays in the past because I just can’t break out of the spiral and have been unable to go out or do anything,

OCD can be so terrifying and at times like these suicidal thoughts are not far from your mind, anything to stop the thoughts and associated anxiety!

So that was all a bit dark, sorry about that but I wanted to try and get across to anyone reading this who’s not suffering from OCD how scary it can be.  I’ve purposefully not put any of my personal thoughts in there so as not to trigger anything for anyone.

Different people find different ways of breaking out of ‘Pure O’, for me it has been a mixture of things.  Something that really helped me initially was talking to my CBT councillor.  Just by voicing the thoughts out loud and to see her completely non judgemental face sitting opposite me was amazing.  Thoughts I couldn’t even bear to think of, she just confirmed were completely normal – what a revelation!

I had a course of CBT therapy, I haven’t spoken much about CBT on this blog so far, personally for me it didn’t work.  Now I don’t want to bad mouth it in any way as I know it’s helped a huge amount of people but for me it just wasn’t the right method.

Some things that have helped me are:

  • Mindfulness, amazing!  Not the deep meditation sort but the bringing your mind back to the present moment sort.
  • Distraction – best thing ever
  • Structure, work and routine – has saved me on numerous occasions.
  • Socialising – interacting with others and not being stuck in your own thoughts, never underestimate how important this is.
  • The knowledge that the thought will eventually pass – even though sometimes it feels like it will never, ever go and actually the thought itself may not but your anxiety levels will.  I still get intrusive thoughts daily but everyone does – it is ‘normal’, never forget that, they’re not going to disappear you will just be able to dismiss them more easily.
  • Take good care of yourself and like yourself – I seem to say this one a lot but it’s so true and I seem to constantly need reminding of it myself!
  • Don’t drink the thoughts anyway, this is a short term fix which DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!
  • Talk to someone!  Remember you are not alone, someone else is probably having the same thought as you right this second and suffering in silence as well – how annoying is that – if only you knew and you could reach out to them, you could both laugh about it together, please talk to someone if you can.

 

Opening a conversion with someone who has OCD

If you think you know someone who may be suffering and you’re not sure how to start a conversion with them then offer them an indirect opportunity to talk, sometimes this can be easier for people, something like:

  • ‘I’ve been reading this amazing blog/book/article recently about OCD……….’
  • ‘Have you seen that celebrity_________ she/he has been talking about their OCD………’
  • ‘My ______ has recently told me they’ve been suffering from OCD, I’m so glad they opened up to me, now they’re getting help’

All these approaches are not direct and allow the person to open up a conversion more easily if they feel they want to talk.  Speaking from experience if someone says to me, ‘how are you?’ the automatic response is normally ‘I’m fine’, when sometimes that’s not the case.

Sending love to all today, I know it can be so tough

Stay Strong xxx