Tag: OCD Recovery

A year on and so a bit of reflection

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So somehow a year passed and I didn’t even notice!  For me this is quite the achievement as I have always tended to give up on things and I don’t think I ever thought I would have enough useful information to share to fill a years worth of posts!  Turns out OCD is just the gift that keeps giving (sorry for the dark humour).

Thank you to those who have followed this blog and made positive, encouraging comments, it has helped with my motivation and ultimately my own OCD recovery.

Am I in a better place than I was this time last year? 

I believe I probably am but I have also realised that I have a longer way to go then I initially thought.  I have become more aware of the limitations I have put on my life to enable me to live it with reduced anxiety, things that I hadn’t even really noticed I was doing.  I have learnt that recovery is an ongoing process and it is probably something I will be doing for the rest of my life, though hopefully it will get easier and easier as I get better and better at it.  This has been hard to accept, I think we would all like a quick fix when it comes to mental health issues but unfortunately that doesn’t exist.

This has been a big year for me, this blog has enabled me to tell everyone I know about my OCD and give them a bit of an insight into what it’s actually like.  It has been incredibly freeing and bought me closer to a lot of people.  It has also allowed other people to open up to me and feel like they can talk about their issues, exactly what I wanted to come from this blog when I started it.  It has made me aware that most people are actually struggling with something and has made me feel less alienated from society.

So here’s to another year and a bit more progress along that long road of recovery.  I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

Thanks again guy’s and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

OCD – Coping when you’re not 100%

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So when you’re feeling on top of the world it can be relatively easy to stay on top of your mental health as well but what happens when something out of your control comes along and knocks you sideways, how are you supposed to cope?

I wouldn’t be surprised if a considerable number of people suffering from mental health issues have some sort of other health issue as well.  I personally have ulcerative colitis and I know when it flares up it definitely becomes tougher to hang onto that positive attitude which is so important in mental health recovery.

If you’re feeling generally tired/low it can be hard to find the energy to eat well, exercise or go out and see people.  If you’re unwell you might not even be able to do these things for yourself at all and through no fault of your own you can start to spiral downwards.  This has happened to me on a number of occasions and it really can turn into a vicious cycle if you’re not careful.

I feel low –  I eat badly – my stomach problems flare up –  I feel lower –  I don’t want to go anywhere – etc etc

and so I spiral down and down and the weight of it all just starts to devour me.

I’ve also learnt recently with my research into serotonin that digestive issues can effect the absorption of serotonin into the body.  So during a bad ulcerative colitis flare up this could be another factor affecting my mood and therefore recovery which I hadn’t considered before.  Looking after yourself is so important, particularly what you eat – but I realise not always easy.

So if you’re unwell and unable to get out and do all the usual fixes – exercise, socialising, etc what do you do to keep/get yourself back on track?

Well I definitely think it’s worthwhile having a think about this sort of situation before it actually occurs – if you can of course – and getting a plan of action in place.  Have a think about what you enjoy doing that is possible in the house, here are a few ideas:

  • Invite someone round
  • Phone someone who you enjoy talking to
  • Watch your favourite series
  • Read a favourite/new book
  • Listen to music/podcasts/audio books
  • Use a mindfulness app
  • If you’re creative you could draw/write/blog
  • Do your very best to avoid high sugar, quick fix foods such as takeaways, alcohol and caffeine.

If you have less time to plan and something has literally come from nowhere – maybe you’ve broken your leg – then try not to panic.  You may be fine, try to be calm and think about how you can set things up to work for you.  Long periods alone can be pretty tough to deal with for anyone but incredibly difficult for people with mental health problems, especially when you’re trying to process pain/discomfort as well.

Try to fill the time productively if you can, this always makes me feel more positive and like I’ve achieved something.  Accept that you will probably have low points but that they will pass.

Remember recovery is an ongoing process, some days will be better than others.  Maybe you could blog about your experience, get it all out.  This can be incredibly cathartic and no one else has to read it, it can just be for you.  If you do want to share your story perhaps it will help someone else in the same situation. Now that will definitely make you feel good.

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

Pure O

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So here we are with another OCD classification, there really are a whole world of subcategories aren’t there but you know when you’re suffering from OCD you probably have no idea about which subcategory you fall under and actually it’s not hugely important.  OCD can actually morph as well, when I was younger I had a lot of physical compulsions but nowadays 99% of my OCD would be classed as ‘Pure O’ I guess.

Pure O is when your OCD is internalised and you don’t really have any compulsions.  I would guess it’s more common in adults (though I have no evidence to support this) than children as I would say adults are generally more socially aware and better at hiding things, especially over time.

It’s also potentially a more dangerous form of the disorder as well, as if someone is particularly practised at hiding it, you can have no idea they have it and that person can suffer in silence for years and probably will, as if they’ve gone to such extreme levels to hide the thoughts then they’re probably ashamed of them.

So how can you tell if someone is suffering from ‘Pure O’?  I think my biggest tell was always mood swings, if a thought hit me that I couldn’t shake I would become quite withdrawn but if this wasn’t possible for a some reason then I would get very touchy as trying to rationalise a thought while trying to behave ‘normally’ is well, impossible to be honest.

People will not want to just open up and tell you what they’re thinking if it’s already causing a massive level of distress.  To get someone out of one of these episodes is tough.  Thoughts can take hold for days, weeks, months sometimes.  I’ve had to  come home from holidays in the past because I just can’t break out of the spiral and have been unable to go out or do anything,

OCD can be so terrifying and at times like these suicidal thoughts are not far from your mind, anything to stop the thoughts and associated anxiety!

So that was all a bit dark, sorry about that but I wanted to try and get across to anyone reading this who’s not suffering from OCD how scary it can be.  I’ve purposefully not put any of my personal thoughts in there so as not to trigger anything for anyone.

Different people find different ways of breaking out of ‘Pure O’, for me it has been a mixture of things.  Something that really helped me initially was talking to my CBT councillor.  Just by voicing the thoughts out loud and to see her completely non judgemental face sitting opposite me was amazing.  Thoughts I couldn’t even bear to think of, she just confirmed were completely normal – what a revelation!

I had a course of CBT therapy, I haven’t spoken much about CBT on this blog so far, personally for me it didn’t work.  Now I don’t want to bad mouth it in any way as I know it’s helped a huge amount of people but for me it just wasn’t the right method.

Some things that have helped me are:

  • Mindfulness, amazing!  Not the deep meditation sort but the bringing your mind back to the present moment sort.
  • Distraction – best thing ever
  • Structure, work and routine – has saved me on numerous occasions.
  • Socialising – interacting with others and not being stuck in your own thoughts, never underestimate how important this is.
  • The knowledge that the thought will eventually pass – even though sometimes it feels like it will never, ever go and actually the thought itself may not but your anxiety levels will.  I still get intrusive thoughts daily but everyone does – it is ‘normal’, never forget that, they’re not going to disappear you will just be able to dismiss them more easily.
  • Take good care of yourself and like yourself – I seem to say this one a lot but it’s so true and I seem to constantly need reminding of it myself!
  • Don’t drink the thoughts anyway, this is a short term fix which DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!
  • Talk to someone!  Remember you are not alone, someone else is probably having the same thought as you right this second and suffering in silence as well – how annoying is that – if only you knew and you could reach out to them, you could both laugh about it together, please talk to someone if you can.

 

Opening a conversion with someone who has OCD

If you think you know someone who may be suffering and you’re not sure how to start a conversion with them then offer them an indirect opportunity to talk, sometimes this can be easier for people, something like:

  • ‘I’ve been reading this amazing blog/book/article recently about OCD……….’
  • ‘Have you seen that celebrity_________ she/he has been talking about their OCD………’
  • ‘My ______ has recently told me they’ve been suffering from OCD, I’m so glad they opened up to me, now they’re getting help’

All these approaches are not direct and allow the person to open up a conversion more easily if they feel they want to talk.  Speaking from experience if someone says to me, ‘how are you?’ the automatic response is normally ‘I’m fine’, when sometimes that’s not the case.

Sending love to all today, I know it can be so tough

Stay Strong xxx

 

Taking on too much

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Now this is something that most of us probably do a lot of the time but it is very important, especially when you’re recovering from a mental health problem to try to put yourself first.  This isn’t always easy when you have a family but you have to remember that if you’re not 100% then your family will suffer too.

Taking on too much can cover a wide variety of things from work related stresses to other people’s problems.  Whatever you’re doing always try to get your recovery and wellbeing at the forefront of your mind and if that means you have to be a little selfish from time to time then you what, that’s fine.

If you have a friend who just sucks all the energy from you because all they do is moan then don’t see them so often.  If you know people are taking advantage of your good nature by asking too much of you then talk to them, say you haven’t got the time/energy, they probably don’t even realise they’re doing it.

It is OK to be a bit selfish at times and do a few things for just you.  I know as a mum you are always putting everyone else first and your needs seems to come right at the bottom of the list, if at all but it is important to try as mental health problems can spiral out of control very quickly.

Something I’ve been doing a lot recently is not eating well enough.  I make sure my little boy has the best food, homemade and full of goodness and then I find myself eating his scraps or having made nothing for myself at all.  I am so concerned he should eat well – as I know how important that is – but then I don’t do the same for myself!

Then what I find is mid-afternoon I have no energy and I get tired and grumpy and ill more often – I seem to have endless colds at the moment – and this is because I am not caring for myself the way I know I should.  I did comment on this a couple of blogs back – OCD Letting things slip – but if I’m honest I don’t know if I’m doing any better recently.

So once again, a note to myself – and anyone else in a similar position – to take better care of myself and that it’s not selfish to do that.

Stay Strong xxx

 

 

Magical Thinking – OCD

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It feels weird to actually put proper names to things which have been part of me for so long.  ‘Magical thinking OCD’ is, I think one of the hardest parts of OCD for someone without it to understand.  For someone with ‘Magical thinking OCD’ it is one of the most terrifying parts, there is no rhyme or reason to it.  You are aware as someone with OCD experiencing the thoughts that they are completely irrational but the feelings inside our so strong you can’t take the chance.

With a very quick google this definition came up, which for those who don’t have ‘Magical thinking OCD’ I thought summed it up quite well:

” Magical thinking is an illogical thought pattern characterized by the linking of unrelated actions or events. Individuals may become preoccupied with lucky or unlucky numbers, colours, words, actions, sayings or superstitions and link them to catastrophe or ‘bad things’ that might happen”

I have had lots of these ‘magical thoughts’ over the years.  I hated the colour red (blood, contamination etc) and certain words like AIDS (still hard to even write it here).  I have also had massive issues with the ‘finalisation’ of things.  Such as thoughts associated with leaving somewhere for the last time (maybe a holiday cottage) or clicking the ‘buy’ button online, as if a horrible thought comes into my head whilst I was doing it, such as: ‘You’re going to die from cancer’ then because I can’t repeat the action (compulsion) it creates anxiety and all the associated OCD baggage.

Over the years it has made doing almost anything particularly stressful and taken the pleasure out of pretty much everything.  Wedding dress shopping, venue picking, holidays, travel, work, driving, well everything.

It is one of the hardest aspects of OCD to kick and it’s one of the most embarrassing to talk about because you know in your heart of hearts that the thoughts are irrational but you just can’t get your mind to believe that.

Ultimately magical thinking is just another way of us not being able to accept and sit with uncertainty.  There will be certain themes which you find distressing and OCD will spot a weakness and pounce.  It is just another way to occupy your thoughts and cause you distress.  A lot of the time I think magical thinking catches us because it can seem easier in the moment to just do the compulsion – whatever it may be – but ultimately the brain just thinks the compulsion solved the issue and so the next time we find ourselves in the same situation again, up pops the magical thought and the urge to do the compulsion, because hey, last time we did the compulsion and it worked.

The only way through this one is to not do the compulsion and sit with the uncertainty, in fact you need to willingly accept the uncertainty to really let the brain know it’s, ‘all good’, and that there’s nothing to be concerned about.

Why not try out: ‘Thanks brain that’s exactly the thought I wanted right now’, the next time it throws the magical thought your way.

The more you let the thoughts be, the easier it becomes every time.  Even though the thoughts still come, you will be able to dismiss them quicker and quicker and an hour later you won’t even remember the thought you had, hard to believe I know but this is true.

Ironically just not doing anything can feel like the biggest mountain to climb, as humans we like to do and fix and sort problems but really with OCD and anxiety too we just have to sit with and accept that uncomfortable feeling.

Know that completing the compulsion will have ZERO effect on whether a thought happens or not.  We cannot make things happen with our thoughts, we are not magical.

You could sit there and think about winning the lottery but my guess is it won’t happen unless you actively go out and buy a ticket and even then.  You cannot manifest things you don’t want either, with manifesting you have to want the thing, badly and actively pursue it. The distress the thought causes you is all the proof you should need that this is not the case.

Sit with it, accept it, be OK with uncertainty.  

and Relax, nothing is under control.

You can do this!

Stay strong xxx