Tag: mental wellness

Never forget how far you’ve come!

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It’s so easy to give yourself a hard time!  I do it constantly, I’m definitely my own worst critic.  This week I was in the supermarket, it was really busy and I could feel the anxiety sitting there in my chest.  The car park was packed with people everywhere and inside wasn’t any better.

On top of the anxiety I then started getting frustrated with myself that small, normal day to day activities like shopping are still difficult and stressful for me.  Everyone else can do it, why can’t I, gurrrrr!

When I got home I had to sit down and remind myself that actually a couple of years ago I wouldn’t even of made it into the car park let alone the supermarket and actually I have come such a long way.  Even being able to recognise the anxiety and OCD thoughts when they are happening is progress.

Recovery is a marathon not a sprint (unfortunately), there will be set backs and days when we find it harder than others.  Always try and keep this in mind, never forget how far you’ve come, OCD is a bully and it won’t give up so you mustn’t either.

So how do you deal with these low points when they occur? 

I guess you have to be realistic, it is naive to think you’re not going to have bad days along the way and having a plan of action in place is key.

Always be kind to yourself and don’t catastrophise events/situations.

For me this week the shopping was something I had to get done, as we all know we have to face our anxieties head on and not run away from them.  I used breathing mostly to get through my anxiety on this occasion.  Deep breaths in and out to keep myself calm and relaxed.  I also took my time, I wasn’t in a rush so I took the opportunity to take a step back and think about what it was that was causing me to be so anxious.

The process for me on this occasion was more about getting through the shopping trip rather then relieving the anxiety, as this didn’t pass until I was home later and all the thoughts had gone but even being able to function with the anxiety is essential for recovery.  Not being completely paralysed by the fear, thoughts and the physical reaction is also an achievement in itself and by writing this now I am only just realising that myself.

It’s so frustrating to have to be on a journey – man I hate that word – but like it or not I am on an OCD recovery journey and I hope some of the things I am learning along the way are helping you guy’s out too.

Stay Strong xxx

OCD – Transference

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So I’m not completely sure whether transference is the best term to describe this type of OCD but it feels like the best word to use for now.  When I think about OCD transference I think about a belief that someone else’s issues/problems can be ‘transferred’ onto you by just hearing about them/coming in to contact with them.  I would say it’s very closely linked to magical thinking OCD where there doesn’t have to be any actual factual link, your mind has just associated the two things together and triggered the anxiety and from then on you’re just back peddling.

I get this a lot, I mean A LOT.  It’s almost like when I hear something new, say on the news or in the paper I have to self assess myself to see if I am capable of what I’ve read or if there’s any event in my past that I can link to what I’ve seen.  Sometimes there’s even a fear that I could do what I’ve heard in the future.  So yes, it pretty much covers all bases.

Something I have found really helpful with getting through this type of OCD (which pretty much still hits me daily) is liking and believing  in yourself you have to know yourself incapable of unthinkable acts.  It does get a bit trickier when it’s something out of your control like a fear of contamination or a health issue.  We can spend so much time worrying about things happening to us that we forget to live.  This is probably one of the saddest things about OCD, I know I have missed out on a lot over the years through fear.  It’s so frustrating for me to look back now and I really try hard not to let it get to me anymore.

Having an awareness of what is happening can help, I’ve had OCD for a long time but I probably had it for nearly 10 years before I really understood what it was that was happening to me.  Without the understanding the anxiety and fears are more real because you just ‘go with them’, your body is telling you to be scared so you are.  I am now so aware of my irrational reactions to things that sometimes I am combating them before they even hit me.  Obviously it would be amazing to get to a stage where I have no reaction to the news etc but I’m not sure if this will ever be possible for me.  There’s only so much you can change the way your mind works.

So one of the things about transference is that a lot of them time you know the associated thought is irrational, I’m going to use an example sorry.

Say you have found out a friend has cancer, when you are hearing about it you think of yourself and then you have a fear that you will also get cancer unless you neutralise the thought with a ritual of some sort. 

You have transferred someone else’s issue onto yourself.  It’s quite a basic example but you get the general gist.  What can also happen for people with Pure O is that you realise the thought is irrational and you have to try and work out why your brain has linked it and why it’s completely irrational, therefore giving the thought time and making it stronger and more distracting.

I’m sitting here writing this now and I don’t like the fact that I’ve used myself in the example.  As by writing it my OCD is telling me that it could make it more likely to happen, which I know is completely irrational but still, the thought is there and I’m so tempted to change my example but I’m not going to!

It’s tough, this sort of OCD because you can’t avoid it, you have to face it.  Try to live in the now as much as you can, don’t think about the past, at all.  Try not to think too much about the future because you can’t truly know what is going to happen and you have limited control over it.  If you can take a  positive action then do it but otherwise let it be.

  • Make the most of what you have, write a thankful list each day to help you realise all of the good things that you have and how lucky you are.
  • Seek out the positives in life and don’t let other people drag you down.
  • Always do your best to fight the thoughts, it will get easier over time.
  • Use every tool you have to stay on course through your recovery.
  • Eat well and exercise if you can
  • Don’t use alcohol to drown out the thoughts, this never works!

Stay Strong xxx

Dealing with Stress

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I think stress is something we all deal with, there’s just no escaping it nowadays.  We’re all programmed to take on too much and expect too much from ourselves.  How we deal with stress however varies massively, some people seem to be able to dismiss it relatively easily where as some of us let it consume us.

My current method for dealing with most stress is avoidance, over the years I’ve become very aware of what causes me to spiral downwards and so nowadays if I don’t need it in my life then it’s not there.  I realise this probably isn’t the healthiest approach and I wouldn’t really advocate it but there’s an element of self preservation in there for me while I’m on my long road to recovery and I slowly let bits back in on days I feel stronger and remove them again on days when I don’t feel so great.

So this is all well and good until I come across some unavoidable stress, urgh, the worst kind.  How then do we process the wash of tension, self doubt, etc when there’s just no getting away from it?  It’s a good question and one I’m definitely still trying to answer.

Firstly I always try and start with a bit of perspective, when struggling with OCD it’s very easy to catastrophise situations and make them appear much worse than they are, try to rationalise your thoughts where you can.

If the stress has been caused by say an argument at work, or a bad drive home then just let it go, the other person probably did hours ago, is it really worth your time and energy?

If it’s something more significant like an exam or money worries say then stressing isn’t going to help.  Sit down and write out a plan of action, things you can positively do to impact on your stress and deal with the situation in a positive light.

Organisation is key, I personally have a lot going on at the moment but by organising my time and being pro active I am just about winning.

If you can take some time out just for yourself to regroup then do.  Close your eyes, take a deep breath and feel the stress leave you as you breathe out.

Mindfulness and meditation are also great ways to reconnect with your body and try to work out what has caused the shift.  The small amount of time it takes will definitely be worth the pay off you get afterwards.  I’ve got to admit though whilst writing that last sentence I felt a bit hypocritical as this is something I never/rarely do, like I said I’m still working on it too!

Stress is something that quite often comes upon us without us even realising.  Sometimes the first sign for me is that I can feel my shoulders getting tight or I start to be really snappy and short with people.  Being able to sense and notice your signs early is another important factor in getting your stress under control quickly.

When you’re already processing a mental health issue stress is the last thing you want being piled on top of you, my advice would definitely be to remove all unnecessary stress where possible.  I expect we’ve all taken on something we don’t need which can be eliminated.

If you can’t remove all stress, take a day off.  Put the kids in nursery/school, book a days annual leave and do what makes you feel good just for one day, it’s a bit self indulgent but feels amazing and is totally worth it.  You can’t function properly if your cup is half full after all.

Learn to say no when you can, people won’t think any less of you and you will gain some time and energy back.

Look after yourself, if you are the one holding it all together and people are depending on you it’s more important then ever that you take good care of yourself.  Don’t resort to caffeine and sugar try and be conscious about what you are putting into your body.

I hope my ramblings have been of some use, just by writing a few things down I feel a bit more together myself.  Most things aren’t as bad a you think, look after yourselves and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

 

A year on and so a bit of reflection

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So somehow a year passed and I didn’t even notice!  For me this is quite the achievement as I have always tended to give up on things and I don’t think I ever thought I would have enough useful information to share to fill a years worth of posts!  Turns out OCD is just the gift that keeps giving (sorry for the dark humour).

Thank you to those who have followed this blog and made positive, encouraging comments, it has helped with my motivation and ultimately my own OCD recovery.

Am I in a better place than I was this time last year? 

I believe I probably am but I have also realised that I have a longer way to go then I initially thought.  I have become more aware of the limitations I have put on my life to enable me to live it with reduced anxiety, things that I hadn’t even really noticed I was doing.  I have learnt that recovery is an ongoing process and it is probably something I will be doing for the rest of my life, though hopefully it will get easier and easier as I get better and better at it.  This has been hard to accept, I think we would all like a quick fix when it comes to mental health issues but unfortunately that doesn’t exist.

This has been a big year for me, this blog has enabled me to tell everyone I know about my OCD and give them a bit of an insight into what it’s actually like.  It has been incredibly freeing and bought me closer to a lot of people.  It has also allowed other people to open up to me and feel like they can talk about their issues, exactly what I wanted to come from this blog when I started it.  It has made me aware that most people are actually struggling with something and has made me feel less alienated from society.

So here’s to another year and a bit more progress along that long road of recovery.  I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

Thanks again guy’s and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

Self-defeating thoughts

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Now I’m pretty sure this one isn’t an OCD specific one but I would guess that someone with OCD is almost guaranteed to suffer from self-defeating thoughts, I know I do.  They come as a pretty package along with low confidence and self loathing which tend to be traits of OCD.

They occur pretty naturally as well so you don’t even realise you’re having one, so when you think about it you’re setting yourself up to fail before you’ve even attempted something, without even consciously realising you’re doing it, wow!

I have these thoughts all the time, even right now I’m procrastinating over a piece of programming work I’m supposed to be working on.  I’ve convinced myself I can’t do it,  even though I’ve done my job for over 6 years now and I’ve always managed to work through any issue which has been thrown my way.  Why therefore do I still undermine and doubt myself almost instantly every time?

Another example: just this week I found myself writing a work email to a colleague and towards the end I wrote something to the tune of “I realise it’s probably a stupid question but……”  I didn’t know if it was a stupid question, I didn’t know what he would think by reading the email, so why did I put myself down?  Did I do it before he had the chance to?  Was I protecting myself in some way?

I think my OCD has definitely contributed to this personality trait, it’s hard to be strong, confident and resilient towards life’s challenges when you don’t feel it inside.  In fact you probably feel low, worthless and useless a lot of the time when suffering through panic attacks, bouts of anxiety and trying to dismiss intrusive thoughts.  Man you have enough on your plate don’t you?

I obviously have a lot of work to do in this area of my life and I feel like it’s so extra  important for me at the moment because I don’t want my little boy to adopt such a negative trait from me.  I must:

  • Eliminate any negative/self deprecating thoughts and phrases
  • Have a positive attitude towards any challenge that comes my way
  • Know that I am good enough
  • Don’t expect to be perfect/set myself up to fail (wait is that a self deprecating thought?)

It always makes me  sad when I realise how much my OCD has shaped me over the years, how I’ve let people put me down, tell me I’m not good enough and generally just had a lot of my fight kicked out of me.  Well now is the time to start fighting again.

I hope some of my ramblings have rung true with some of you too and that you can notice these things and start to act on them as well.  Let me know if you make any progress.

As always (and more than ever this week), Stay Strong xxx

 

Brain Fog

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This is so interesting and something I’ve only become really aware of very recently.  I have suffered with ‘brain fog’ my whole life and I still get it pretty much daily now.  It’s normally worse in the mornings but I can suffer from it all day.  It makes concentrating on anything stupidly difficult and it makes me very unproductive which is incredibly frustrating and can make me very irritable.  I procrastinate for hours at work, I find it hard to get into hobbies such as piano, sewing, reading, even having a productive conversation is difficult at times because I am so restless and unable to focus.

I found this brilliant article this week which really explains a lot about brain fog and the links to diet and mental health disorders.  It also highlights a link between inflammation (which I personally have because of my ulcerative colitis) and food intolerance (which I also have as I’m lactose intolerant).  It really has revolutionised how I’m thinking about what I put into my body and how that is affecting my mental and physical health.  This line in particular

“Nearly every cell, tissue and system in the body, especially the gut-brain connection, suffers from an unresolved sensitivity”

in regard to food intolerance’s is just staggering for me.  The body is such a well balanced machine and I’m basically messing up that balance constantly and then wondering why I don’t feel great.

Something else mentioned in the article is the link back to hormone balance and  serotonin which I’ve mentioned in my previous posts.

I would be interested to know if anyone else suffers from ‘brain fog’ and what they do to help alleviate the symptoms.  I don’t suppose it will be a quick process to completely change my diet but I am definitely going to start trying.

The more I put names to my symptoms and research these things I’ve been experiencing for years and years the more I am starting to understand my mental health and how it all fits together.  It’s just a shame it has taken me so long to get to this stage.

Has this shed any light for anyone else?  It would be so interesting to hear.  I will report back on any progress I make and if I find any effective ways of combating ‘brain fog’ I will of course share.

As always, Stay Strong xxx