Tag: Mental Health

Brain Fog

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This is so interesting and something I’ve only become really aware of very recently.  I have suffered with ‘brain fog’ my whole life and I still get it pretty much daily now.  It’s normally worse in the mornings but I can suffer from it all day.  It makes concentrating on anything stupidly difficult and it makes me very unproductive which is incredibly frustrating and can make me very irritable.  I procrastinate for hours at work, I find it hard to get into hobbies such as piano, sewing, reading, even having a productive conversation is difficult at times because I am so restless and unable to focus.

I found this brilliant article this week which really explains a lot about brain fog and the links to diet and mental health disorders.  It also highlights a link between inflammation (which I personally have because of my ulcerative colitis) and food intolerance (which I also have as I’m lactose intolerant).  It really has revolutionised how I’m thinking about what I put into my body and how that is affecting my mental and physical health.  This line in particular

“Nearly every cell, tissue and system in the body, especially the gut-brain connection, suffers from an unresolved sensitivity”

in regard to food intolerance’s is just staggering for me.  The body is such a well balanced machine and I’m basically messing up that balance constantly and then wondering why I don’t feel great.

Something else mentioned in the article is the link back to hormone balance and  serotonin which I’ve mentioned in my previous posts.

I would be interested to know if anyone else suffers from ‘brain fog’ and what they do to help alleviate the symptoms.  I don’t suppose it will be a quick process to completely change my diet but I am definitely going to start trying.

The more I put names to my symptoms and research these things I’ve been experiencing for years and years the more I am starting to understand my mental health and how it all fits together.  It’s just a shame it has taken me so long to get to this stage.

Has this shed any light for anyone else?  It would be so interesting to hear.  I will report back on any progress I make and if I find any effective ways of combating ‘brain fog’ I will of course share.

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

OCD – Coping when you’re not 100%

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So when you’re feeling on top of the world it can be relatively easy to stay on top of your mental health as well but what happens when something out of your control comes along and knocks you sideways, how are you supposed to cope?

I wouldn’t be surprised if a considerable number of people suffering from mental health issues have some sort of other health issue as well.  I personally have ulcerative colitis and I know when it flares up it definitely becomes tougher to hang onto that positive attitude which is so important in mental health recovery.

If you’re feeling generally tired/low it can be hard to find the energy to eat well, exercise or go out and see people.  If you’re unwell you might not even be able to do these things for yourself at all and through no fault of your own you can start to spiral downwards.  This has happened to me on a number of occasions and it really can turn into a vicious cycle if you’re not careful.

I feel low –  I eat badly – my stomach problems flare up –  I feel lower –  I don’t want to go anywhere – etc etc

and so I spiral down and down and the weight of it all just starts to devour me.

I’ve also learnt recently with my research into serotonin that digestive issues can effect the absorption of serotonin into the body.  So during a bad ulcerative colitis flare up this could be another factor affecting my mood and therefore recovery which I hadn’t considered before.  Looking after yourself is so important, particularly what you eat – but I realise not always easy.

So if you’re unwell and unable to get out and do all the usual fixes – exercise, socialising, etc what do you do to keep/get yourself back on track?

Well I definitely think it’s worthwhile having a think about this sort of situation before it actually occurs – if you can of course – and getting a plan of action in place.  Have a think about what you enjoy doing that is possible in the house, here are a few ideas:

  • Invite someone round
  • Phone someone who you enjoy talking to
  • Watch your favourite series
  • Read a favourite/new book
  • Listen to music/podcasts/audio books
  • Use a mindfulness app
  • If you’re creative you could draw/write/blog
  • Do your very best to avoid high sugar, quick fix foods such as takeaways, alcohol and caffeine.

If you have less time to plan and something has literally come from nowhere – maybe you’ve broken your leg – then try not to panic.  You may be fine, try to be calm and think about how you can set things up to work for you.  Long periods alone can be pretty tough to deal with for anyone but incredibly difficult for people with mental health problems, especially when you’re trying to process pain/discomfort as well.

Try to fill the time productively if you can, this always makes me feel more positive and like I’ve achieved something.  Accept that you will probably have low points but that they will pass.

Remember recovery is an ongoing process, some days will be better than others.  Maybe you could blog about your experience, get it all out.  This can be incredibly cathartic and no one else has to read it, it can just be for you.  If you do want to share your story perhaps it will help someone else in the same situation. Now that will definitely make you feel good.

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

Pure O

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So here we are with another OCD classification, there really are a whole world of subcategories aren’t there but you know when you’re suffering from OCD you probably have no idea about which subcategory you fall under and actually it’s not hugely important.  OCD can actually morph as well, when I was younger I had a lot of physical compulsions but nowadays 99% of my OCD would be classed as ‘Pure O’ I guess.

Pure O is when your OCD is internalised and you don’t really have any compulsions.  I would guess it’s more common in adults (though I have no evidence to support this) than children as I would say adults are generally more socially aware and better at hiding things, especially over time.

It’s also potentially a more dangerous form of the disorder as well, as if someone is particularly practised at hiding it, you can have no idea they have it and that person can suffer in silence for years and probably will, as if they’ve gone to such extreme levels to hide the thoughts then they’re probably ashamed of them.

So how can you tell if someone is suffering from ‘Pure O’?  I think my biggest tell was always mood swings, if a thought hit me that I couldn’t shake I would become quite withdrawn but if this wasn’t possible for a some reason then I would get very touchy as trying to rationalise a thought while trying to behave ‘normally’ is well, impossible to be honest.

People will not want to just open up and tell you what they’re thinking if it’s already causing a massive level of distress.  To get someone out of one of these episodes is tough.  Thoughts can take hold for days, weeks, months sometimes.  I’ve had to  come home from holidays in the past because I just can’t break out of the spiral and have been unable to go out or do anything,

OCD can be so terrifying and at times like these suicidal thoughts are not far from your mind, anything to stop the thoughts and associated anxiety!

So that was all a bit dark, sorry about that but I wanted to try and get across to anyone reading this who’s not suffering from OCD how scary it can be.  I’ve purposefully not put any of my personal thoughts in there so as not to trigger anything for anyone.

Different people find different ways of breaking out of ‘Pure O’, for me it has been a mixture of things.  Something that really helped me initially was talking to my CBT councillor.  Just by voicing the thoughts out loud and to see her completely non judgemental face sitting opposite me was amazing.  Thoughts I couldn’t even bear to think of, she just confirmed were completely normal – what a revelation!

I had a course of CBT therapy, I haven’t spoken much about CBT on this blog so far, personally for me it didn’t work.  Now I don’t want to bad mouth it in any way as I know it’s helped a huge amount of people but for me it just wasn’t the right method.

Some things that have helped me are:

  • Mindfulness, amazing!  Not the deep meditation sort but the bringing your mind back to the present moment sort.
  • Distraction – best thing ever
  • Structure, work and routine – has saved me on numerous occasions.
  • Socialising – interacting with others and not being stuck in your own thoughts, never underestimate how important this is.
  • The knowledge that the thought will eventually pass – even though sometimes it feels like it will never, ever go and actually the thought itself may not but your anxiety levels will.  I still get intrusive thoughts daily but everyone does – it is ‘normal’, never forget that, they’re not going to disappear you will just be able to dismiss them more easily.
  • Take good care of yourself and like yourself – I seem to say this one a lot but it’s so true and I seem to constantly need reminding of it myself!
  • Don’t drink the thoughts anyway, this is a short term fix which DOES NOT WORK!!!!!!
  • Talk to someone!  Remember you are not alone, someone else is probably having the same thought as you right this second and suffering in silence as well – how annoying is that – if only you knew and you could reach out to them, you could both laugh about it together, please talk to someone if you can.

 

Opening a conversion with someone who has OCD

If you think you know someone who may be suffering and you’re not sure how to start a conversion with them then offer them an indirect opportunity to talk, sometimes this can be easier for people, something like:

  • ‘I’ve been reading this amazing blog/book/article recently about OCD……….’
  • ‘Have you seen that celebrity_________ she/he has been talking about their OCD………’
  • ‘My ______ has recently told me they’ve been suffering from OCD, I’m so glad they opened up to me, now they’re getting help’

All these approaches are not direct and allow the person to open up a conversion more easily if they feel they want to talk.  Speaking from experience if someone says to me, ‘how are you?’ the automatic response is normally ‘I’m fine’, when sometimes that’s not the case.

Sending love to all today, I know it can be so tough

Stay Strong xxx

 

Taking on too much

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Now this is something that most of us probably do a lot of the time but it is very important, especially when you’re recovering from a mental health problem to try to put yourself first.  This isn’t always easy when you have a family but you have to remember that if you’re not 100% then your family will suffer too.

Taking on too much can cover a wide variety of things from work related stresses to other people’s problems.  Whatever you’re doing always try to get your recovery and wellbeing at the forefront of your mind and if that means you have to be a little selfish from time to time then you what, that’s fine.

If you have a friend who just sucks all the energy from you because all they do is moan then don’t see them so often.  If you know people are taking advantage of your good nature by asking too much of you then talk to them, say you haven’t got the time/energy, they probably don’t even realise they’re doing it.

It is OK to be a bit selfish at times and do a few things for just you.  I know as a mum you are always putting everyone else first and your needs seems to come right at the bottom of the list, if at all but it is important to try as mental health problems can spiral out of control very quickly.

Something I’ve been doing a lot recently is not eating well enough.  I make sure my little boy has the best food, homemade and full of goodness and then I find myself eating his scraps or having made nothing for myself at all.  I am so concerned he should eat well – as I know how important that is – but then I don’t do the same for myself!

Then what I find is mid-afternoon I have no energy and I get tired and grumpy and ill more often – I seem to have endless colds at the moment – and this is because I am not caring for myself the way I know I should.  I did comment on this a couple of blogs back – OCD Letting things slip – but if I’m honest I don’t know if I’m doing any better recently.

So once again, a note to myself – and anyone else in a similar position – to take better care of myself and that it’s not selfish to do that.

Stay Strong xxx

 

 

OCD – Letting Things Slip

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Recently I seem to have let things get on top of me a bit, life has been so busy and I caught a few bugs over the winter period which have set me back a bit.

OCD recovery is a very delicate balance, it is really important not to take your eye off the ball but if you do it can start to slip before you really notice.

So the results of not feeling great and having less time have been that I’ve:

  • Eaten more junk food
  • Exercised less
  • Not worked on my mindfulness
  • Not given myself any time

All of this has resulted in my anxiety levels rising and my motivation to get out and do things falling.

So now I’ve noticed that this is happening (yes, I didn’t notice straight away) what can I do to get myself back on track?

  • Well the first thing I’am doing is writing this blog post, hopefully this will really help me pay attention and take action.
  • I am going to make a conscious effort not to reach for the snack food first and up my fruit, veg and general healthy food intake.
  • Get out at least once a day in the fresh air and try and do it mindfully.
  • I am going to try and carve out some time for myself, this one is hard when you have a family but I really do think it is important, after all if you’re not on top form how can you give the rest of your family 100%.

One really important thing to remember not to do (and which I am currently telling myself) is beat yourself up for slipping.  It happens to us all, recovery is not a straight line, the important thing is to notice and get yourself back on track asap.

So a bit of a post for me this week, hopefully it might help someone else too, perhaps I can add writing more inspirational blog posts to my targets too!

For now please bear with me you wonderful people and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

 

OCD – Coming out of the Lows

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Nowadays this is something I’m finding a little easier.  As you get stronger and better at dealing with your OCD you also start to know that the low days will pass and that you will feel happier again.  It’s not always easy to believe it when you’re in the depths of a low, I know that for sure but I also know it to be true.

Over the years I’ve had long periods where I’ve felt I’ll never feel happy again, I couldn’t see ways out of the thoughts and when I’d get over one another would come swooping in and take me down again.  How I got through this part I’m really not sure, I think I spent a lot of my late teens and early twenties in quite a depressed state which I self medicated myself through with alcohol.  I had rubbish job after rubbish job which I didn’t seem to be able to lift myself out of and I just didn’t look after myself in anyway.  In fact I am sitting here now thinking; how did I pull myself up and out?

It definitely wasn’t an overnight fix and I definitely think it coincided with meeting my now husband.  He gave me something worth fighting for (might sound a bit lame but in all honesty it’s true).  He valued me and so I started to value myself more, no one else had ever done that in the same way.  I have to say this was only the starting point though, I still got a lot of dark periods.  When you’re feeling low the world can feel pointless, everything can feel dark and you just want to curl up and block out everything.

So how do I pull myself out now?  I have to say I don’t have the massive lows as often anymore but when they do come it’s always good to have a go to plan, so here’s my attempt at one, which can hopefully help you guy’s too.

So depending on how low you feel the options may vary a bit but here goes:

  • If you can get out of the house – fresh air and socialising are really important
  • If that’s too much write a list of all the things you have to be grateful for; health, family, friends, the roof over your head, food in your stomach, re-read it whenever you feel low.
  • Watch a feel good movie
  • Talk to a close friend/family member, if they’re free see if they can come over
  • Find someone who will give you a hug – this always feels good
  • If you have an animal pet it, this I am told helps to release feel good hormones and reduce stress
  • If this isn’t the first time you’ve experienced a low then remember that you do come out of these periods.  If it is your first one, trust that it does pass.
  • If you’re feeling like you can’t cope, talk to a medical professional.
  • Treat yourself to something you enjoy, always treat yourself with compassion.

If you are a friend or family member looking for advice on how to support someone going through a low this can be tough but always persevere they need you so much, even if they’re not showing it (which they probably won’t be).

I hope some of these things can help, they’re just my personal list and like I have said before I am not a medical professional, just someone recovering and trying to share something that may help someone else.

Stay Strong, you are not alone xxx

 

OCD – Procrastination

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Now I’ve been dealing with my OCD demons for a fair few years now (over 20!) and although I feel I’ve gotten to grips with them to a certain extent, I know if I really look at my life that they still hold me back in many areas.

I have, I believe, reached a sort of plateau or ‘comfy place’ in my life and though this isn’t necessarily a bad thing – to have a steady job, relationship and social life – it does make it quite easy to just coast along.  Never having to step outside of my comfort zone means some of my OCD ‘fears’ can just be left and never confronted so to speak.  It also means that when something does come along where I do need to step out of my comfort zone – say I have to drive somewhere new/faraway –  normally my first reaction is to feel anxious and think of all the things that could go wrong, catastrophize.

Another side effect of my ‘comfy zone’ is that I never seem to get anything unessential done, things are only sorted when they have to be, rather then when they should be and therefore normally done in a rush and without much thought.  I believe this stems partly from my fear of making decisions.  Final decisions can have OCD thoughts associated with them and so cause me anxiety, therefore I avoid them where I can, naughty, naughty I know.

I feel I do get overwhelmed quickly and it doesn’t take much for me to start spiralling out of control, it definitely makes achieving things tricky.  It can also make me lazy, if I can pass a decision/activity on to someone else then normally I will, not good for OCD recovery I know and ultimately very frustrating for me.

So less of my moaning anyway, lets see if I can try and implement some solutions rather then posing endless problems.

My overall aims are to become more confident, to not let anxiety be the first thing to hit me when trying something new, to find solutions rather than problems and tackle my OCD head on and not avoid it.

  • I think I might start with a list, by writing down all the things I have been putting off/avoiding and then finding a way to tackle them one at a time it will feel less overwhelming and more manageable.
  • It would also help to see new experiences as exciting rather than scary, after all if we never do anything new how do we learn/progress?
  • I should have more confidence and believe myself worthy of new experiences.
  • I should try and get to the route cause of what is causing the anxiety and tackle it head on.
  • Remember that uncertainty is a good thing, would we want to be certain about everything?  There is a good exercise for dealing with uncertainty here.
  • Looking towards end goals and achievements will help to spur me on.
  • Accepting the worse case scenarios so I have nothing to fear.

Wow, so that’s quite a list.  Even the list itself feels a bit overwhelming to be honest but by just trying to take one step at a time hopefully I will start to achieve more of my goals.

Hopefully it can help you too.

Stay Strong xxx

 

OCD – The Grey Area

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I have recently been exploring the OCD community a bit more.  Looking out for new resources and ideas for continued recovery is always a good idea.  In the past I’ve been quite scared of other OCD blogs and forums as I have had times where I’ve just been reading about other peoples OCD thoughts and experiences and this has sometimes made my OCD worse – not what I went looking for.  However as I’ve gotten stronger my curiosity about who else is out there, fighting the OCD battle has been piqued so to say.

Today I was listening to a podcast from the OCD stories website, a fantastic resource which I would definitely recommend.  It was episode 104 of their podcast and something that Dr Elizabeth McIngvale said that really struck me.  She said ‘OCD isn’t black and white’.  Wow I thought, now this can be applied to OCD on so many levels.

I think when you have OCD you do think about a lot of things as being black and white, especially if you catastrophise things.  Always jumping to the worst outcome and blocking out any other possibilities, OCD feeds off your darkest fears – definitely black.  So if we can remember to pull back when a thought hits and remember that life is actually made up of lots of shades of grey rather then extremes then this could help to lessen the strength of the thought.

Another time when it’s easy to think of things in black and white – when you really shouldn’t (which was also touched on in the podcast) is through your recovery.  One bad day or compulsion which you give into, does not mean you’re back to square one.  Be calm about it, take note of why it happened, do something about it if you can and then move on. Don’t feel guilty or upset, just let it go.  Easier said then done I realise but the less time you give the thought to begin with, the easier it will just slip away, never to return.

It can be easy to want OCD to vanish completely and for some people I believe it does but an acceptance of the fact that you may sit in the grey area for ever is important and that that’s actually ok.  Afterall it’s ‘normal’ to have intrusive thoughts, it’s just your ability to process them that is the issue.

I believe it’s really important to keep in mind that one in four people at any one time is suffering from some sort of mental health issue and so you are more normal then you think.  We, most of us are floating along in the grey area which always makes me feel less alone.

Stay Strong xxx

OCD – Unexpected Events

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So these are always fun.  You’ve been coping nicely with your OCD and you think you have everything under control and then bam, out of nowhere, something unexpected happens.

This happened to me this week, it snowed and we got loads of the stuff.  Normally this would be an event for celebration as it would mean, time off work, lots of fun to be had, perfect bliss but when you have a 1 year old who has only just learnt to walk and isn’t terribly keen on walking in 6 plus inches of snow and you can’t get your car off the drive then you are faced with a potentially stressful situation.

Most people who have suffered from some sort of mental health issue will know that getting out, even if it’s just for a walk is very important.  Being stuck in with only 4 walls as your friends can be unwise and so I’ve got to say the last 5 days have really tested me.

My normal routine (something that helps keep me grounded) was thrown out of the window.  My food shopping delivery was cancelled twice and so I’ve had to improvise there as well, working on limited supplies and having to adapt to new food brands and shops (as anyone with OCD will know familiar things bring calmness).

You know what though, I have survived and I have been able to adapt and so what I should draw from the last 5 days is that I am more adaptable now then I have ever been.  Even by writing that statement I am now looking back more positively on the last 5 days.  My perspective has been changed and so maybe this is the lesson I should pull from this experience.

Everything we go through teaches us something.   If we can look back on past events and try and find a positive lesson from the experience rather then a negative one, then maybe our memories will be more positive and we will look back happily instead of negatively.  I personally don’t have many good memories, most of them are tainted by OCD but perhaps I can now reflect back and see if I can put a positive slant on them?

Hopefully this can help you too, try and see the positive lesson from a bad OCD experience/memory.

Stay Strong xxx

OCD – Setting yourself up to fail

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So once you’ve had OCD for a while you start to know what your ‘triggers’ are.  These ‘triggers’ can then start to control your behaviour.  For me, public toilets, driving at night and drinking are just three of the things I can think of that can cause me anxiety, even before an event occurs.  Most of this anxiety is triggered I guess, from past experiences.

If I go into a public toilet and there’s something on the seat, this will cause anxiety, intrusive thoughts etc but I’m going to take a punt and say not many people would like to sit on something unknown on a toilet seat?

Unfortunately for me that’s just where it begins, if there is a mark on the toilet paper dispenser or on the toilet roll itself – here’s betting most people don’t even look at the toilet roll – these can immediately trigger intrusive thoughts which can stay with me for at least the rest of the day.  I’ve already mentioned in a previous post that I always rip off the first piece of toilet roll wherever I am through fear of contamination.  If someone has placed the toilet roll on top of the sanitary bin or on the floor then that can be game over, I just turn around and walk back out.

I’ve already blogged about driving and some of the anxiety it causes me but at night I would say everything is multiplied and it’s much harder to dismiss, potholes, bumps in the road, noises from the car etc.  I would say every time I drive somewhere at night I get back home and there’s some sort of intrusive thought on my mind which I just can’t budge, so frustrating.

So if you start to get anxious before you even get to your ‘trigger’ situation you are completely setting yourself up to fail.  Your mind is already putting the thoughts into your head before you’ve even tried and so it creates a viscous cycle, which causes reluctance to do things and go places and so starts to create behavioural changes.

I’m not sure I will ever completely free myself of some of my OCD intrusive thoughts and thinking patterns, some of them are so ingrained in me after so many years.  I do still make myself face them day in and day out but who knows if I will ever completely win.  I guess the fact that I’m not letting them stop me doing things nowadays is a win in itself.  To live life without the thoughts at all is the battle.

So the point of this post was to try and find a way of avoiding the preemptive anxiety, somehow trying not to fail before you’ve even tried.  It’s such a tricky one because as soon as you start thinking about the situation you’ll probably start feeling anxious about it, another one of those ‘don’t think about the pink elephant in the room’ situations.

I would say the best way to try to combat the preemptive anxiety would be mindfulness.  If you are living in the moment then you shouldn’t be worrying about whats happening later.  If you know you have one of your triggers coming up, then do everything you can not to think ahead to it until you have to, this should help to stop the anxiety kicking in too early.

Every time you face one of your fears and succeed make a mental note of how amazing you are for beating the OCD and anxiety.  We never give ourselves enough credit when we do well and we always beat ourselves up when we are weak – human nature I guess. Make a list of every win and refer back to it every time you are struggling.

Stay Strong xxx