Tag: Anxiety

OCD – How to know if you should pay attention & why we don’t trust ourselves.

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I wrote last week about trust being maybe the most important thing in OCD and Anxiety recovery.  I’ve been using this concept over the last week in my OCD work and there really does seem to be something in it. 

Ultimately OCD thrives on doubt, and that doubt is in yourself and your ability to cope with whatever situation life/your brain throws at you.  It’s our inability to trust that when placed in a situation, we’ll take the right action/make the right decision/act in accordance with our values/be able to cope with the whatever’s thrown our way.

So why don’t we trust ourselves?  Who or what has made us doubt our own mind & judgement?

We’re generally told not to go looking for reasons we have OCD in therapy and the current belief – or so I understand – is that it is potentially a mix of genetics & life experiences but as far as I know there are no certainties here.    

Ultimately, we don’t need to know why we have it to recover from it, but it is my belief that OCD is often triggered when we’re in periods of heightened emotional stress.   Potentially trauma but also new mums, big life changes, times when our parasympathetic nervous system – fight or flight – is more active for whatever reason. 

When in this mindset (fight or flight) we think less rationally (trust ourselves less), our emotional brain is more active and so the thoughts that come up could potentially be stickier/more triggering to us. 

I know when my OCD/anxiety has been triggered, for whatever reason, I am then more vulnerable to other OCD thoughts/triggers – a reason ERP can be so hard.  When I’m back in my sympathetic nervous system – rest and digest – often I can dismiss THE SAME THOUGHTS easily (I trust myself). 

Another example of this is at night when the rational side of the brain (prefrontal cortex) winds down for a rest and the emotional side of the brain takes control.  Ever thought something in the middle of the night and freaked yourself out, not been able to get back to sleep and then in the morning thought, what the…….???? Yep, that’s what OCD feels like.  The logical part of the brain seems to switch off and you’re in fight or flight, thinking in black and white, able to convince yourself that up is down and potentially you could secretly be a psychopath/murderer/paedophile/whatever your current theme may be. 

This emotional part of the brain is powerful – imagine it like an elephant and the logical thinking part like the rider.  The rider cannot control the elephant; it must work with it otherwise it will take control.

We regain our trust and switch the logical brain back on by sitting with the thoughts and doing, well, nothing.  This, when you’re in fight or flight is terrifying, almost impossible at times.  Your brain is desperate to work it out, it feels like it needs to know NOW!  But that need and desperation is your sign that you are spiralling, and you actually need to do nothing. 

I read Martha Becks new book, Beyond Anxiety, recently – some great bits in there for anyone who like to read – and she used the phrase,

 ‘If you’re struggling, then you’re spiralling’

which I really liked, because it’s not always easy to detect whether it’s your OCD/anxiety calling the shots or whether it’s actually something you should be paying attention to. In fact your brain will be telling you it’s the only thing you should be focusing right now. But if you’re suffering/struggling/distressed you can trust that you’re not being rational, and it IS your anxious OCD brain catastrophising. 

Once the logical brain switches back on, you’ll easily be able to rationalise the thoughts – I promise. 

I also know that when OCD is bad, the amount of time you spend out of fight or flight is low.  I can remember when I had my nervous breakdown, I thought my brain was never going to go quiet – ever.  And then one day I noticed I had a few seconds when it was and I thought, YES, it is possible, but it takes time, I’m not going to lie, it’s tough.  So know that if your OCD is currently bad, you may not be thinking rationally much of the time!   

You might not think this right now, so I’m going to tell you. You are a good person, you are worth it, and there is light at the end of that tunnel, so never give up. 

Stay strong – you are not alone xxx

Two things you need to cultivate to succeed in OCD recovery.

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Having had OCD for 30 years now I have a lot of experience with dealing with intrusive thoughts.  What are the two main things I’ve learnt you need to cultivate to succeed in OCD recovery?

Firstly, Trust in yourself & secondly, confidence in the process

First let’s take TRUST.  OCD after all is the doubt disorder and generally most of our distress comes from doubting ourselves and our ability to cope.  We must learn to trust ourselves completely and in the choices we make. 

This is by no means an easy task, OCD can make you feel like you don’t know yourself anymore, it can make you think up is down, left is right, and black is white. 
Over time you can lose complete confidence in yourself, asking others for their options and trusting what they think over your own.  A sad and possibly quite scary situation if you choose to trust the wrong person. Do you ask for reassurance a lot from a loved one?

So how do we learn to trust in ourselves? 

Firstly, work out your values – Examples of values include; honesty, kindness, loyalty, compassion, courage, creativity, responsibility, respectful, authenticity, and dependability. The list is endless and very personal. If you haven’t done this yet then take a few minutes now and work out who you want to present yourself to the world as.  Ask yourself, who do you want to show up as day to day? 

(Still not sure where to start with your values?  Then google ‘core values quiz’ and you’ll get multiple options to guide you.)

Quite often when we feel uncomfortable it’s because of something called cognitive dissonance; this is when our actions/thoughts don’t align with our values.  You can however think of that uncomfortable feeling as a good thing, it’s OCD misaligning with who you believe you are as a person.  It’s a sign that it’s OCD is playing its evil game and has nothing to do with who you are as a person. 

Secondly, work out your reason – when times get tough in OCD recovery – and they will – you’ll need to dig deep and the way to do this is to find your reason for recovery.  Write it down, know it inside out and when it’s hard think of that person, reason or version of yourself, which makes the effort it worth.

Thirdly, action – the brain believes what it sees, we must step forward no matter how hard it feels.  Some days it may feel impossible – I know I’ve been there – but the only way to build trust is to be your own advocate and align with your values. 

Moving onto confidence, confidence in ourselves but also in the ERP process. 

ERP (Exposure response prevention) therapy is hard, it involves working out what you’re scared of/avoiding and slowly allowing yourself to exposure yourself to it. It goes against everything your brain is telling you to do and feels horribly uncomfortable but until the brain sees that it can cope in the situation – whatever it may be – it will be scared and doubt (mistrust) your ability to cope.

The hardest part of this process is creating the trust and confidence.  If OCD has done it’s job well, you may be starting at zero on the trust scale.  How can you trust something with no evidence?  That’s what the brains telling you right?  Sure, the nice therapist is telling you it works but the brain only believes what it sees.

Somehow you have to step off the shore into the lake and realise its not as deep as you thought.  I admit it can feel like jumping out of an aeroplane with a parachute attached to your back not knowing if it’s been packed properly.  This is, I believe, why you either have to get to absolute rock bottom before you truly start on that road to recovery or your reason has to be bigger than you, to make the risk of jumping into the unknown worth it.

Of course, once you start on the process you start to build evidence quickly that it works, every time it’s easier to jump, so to speak, but it does take time and energy.  I love the analogy of OCD recovery being like a set of fairy lights.  It’s not all or nothing like a flashlight, it’s slow and gradual, they come on one at a time as the brain learns to trust in the process. 

We must make ERP a lifestyle choice, constantly building up that catalogue of evidence as proof to the brain that we are capable and can trust ourselves when the intrusive thoughts come along.  It is only once you have tried and see the desired outcome that your brain will learn that it can sit with the doubt & uncertainty. 

So, ask yourself, do you trust myself? 

I’d love to hear about some of the times you pushed outside of your comfort zones even though it was hard. If this resonates with you please share your experience below.

As always,
Stay Strong xxx 

Does giving into just ONE OCD compulsion matter?

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Mental health is like a garden; I really love this analogy. 

Mental health is like a garden; I love this analogy. 
I have found over the years that I go through peaks and troughs with my mental health, and it is quite often the case that a trough will occur when I’ve become a bit lazy with my ‘gardening’ so to speak.

The ‘weeds’ don’t pop up all at once of course, it’s quite insidious in that respect, but over time they sneak in.  Maybe you let one compulsion go or you avoid a situation which might be a bit uncomfortable – because after all one little slip can’t hurt right?    

Well here’s the bad news, it can!

Know the brain believes what it sees, it notes down what you do and it’s watching ALL THE TIME!  One missed exposure is not just one missed exposure, it’s evidence to your brain that you can’t cope with the situation at hand and so you should do the compulsion, avoid the situation if possible and in the future too – just in case.  You can see how this can lead to a spiral effect and how those weeds can take hold. 

It can very quickly become a slippery slope and before you know it, you’re snowballing, your obsessions (intrusive thoughts) worsen, the brains monitoring systems ramps up, along with your anxiety.  You feel more on edge & you start to loose trust in your own judgement.

‘Last time we did the compulsion and it worked out OK, best do the compulsion again – just in case’.

But if you never give the brain the opportunity to see that you can cope, then how will it ever know?   

It’s tough living with OCD and anxiety.  Every day can feel overwhelming and it’s hard to be constantly putting yourself out there and sitting with uncomfortable feelings, which let’s be honest are designed by nature to try and stop you doing the uncomfortable thing!  We are literally going against our built in mechanisms to stop us doing the scary thing and so it is hard and it’s tiring but it is worth it. 

When you get to drive to the shops without worrying about having hit someone on the way, when you can leave the house without having to check the doors multiple times, when you can use public toilets without fear of contamination, when you can hug your child and not worry about doing something inappropriate, when you can cook the tea without fretting you’ll lose control and stab someone, the list is endless.
Maybe some of these resonate with you or maybe you have some other, obsessions (intrusive thoughts), anxieties or fears that hound you daily.  Whatever they are, know they are not bigger than you, you can overcome the ‘weeds’ and thrive, but you must live the ERP (Exposure, response, prevention) lifestyle. 

It sounds so easy right, ‘just sit with the feelings’, I get it, it’s hard, it’s overwhelming at times, but it is worth it.  When you get a moment and your mind is quiet – yes it can happen – when your body feels more relaxed because it’s not in fight or flight all the time, when you can connect with friends and family because you’re not distracted and irritable, it’s worth it.  It’s freedom, it’s the best feeling.

So, how do we keep the weeds at bay?
Well some of it comes down to keeping what I like to call ‘The 5 foundations’ in check

Ask yourself now, do I…

  • …Sleep enough?
  • …Eat well? 
  • …Move my body everyday? 
  • …Have good relationships?
  • …Allow myself to relax?     

All of the above will help build your resilience up so that when you come to your exposures you are in the greatest mental space to deal with them.  We need to give ourselves the best chance to sit with the feelings that come up and the 5 foundations will do this for you – know that when they slip you will be more vulnerable to OCD thoughts and ERP (exposure response prevention) will be more difficult.

Making ERP a lifestyle, is important. We should be pushing outside of our comfort zones, just a little bit, each day proving to our brains that we are strong, resilient and that the thoughts are irrelevant.

Know that you are not alone, recovery is slow but not impossible and definitely worth it.
As always,
Stay Strong xxx

stay strong xxx

Top 5 Triggers That Worsen OCD Symptoms

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Honestly this list could easily be, ‘100 things which make OCD worse’, there are so many of them but for efficiencies sake the top 5 I’ve always found are:

  1. Overthinking/ruminating on your thoughts, feeling & emotions – this never ends well! Something it’s important to learn quickly with OCD is that YOU CAN’T OUTTHINK YOUR THOUGHTS! Believe me I’ve tried. The more you tumble down the rabbit hole the more anxious and irrational you get.
  2. Night-time – yep at night our logical brain takes a rest and the emotional brain is more active as a result. This brain is much less rational and can catastrophize extremely well. The trick at night time is to realise this and dismiss any irrational thoughts that come in between 11pm and 7am. You’ll feel so much more capable of dealing with them in the morning.
  3. If basic needs aren’t being met – HALT is a great acronym for this, if your feeling; Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired know that you’ll be less able to deal with intrusive thoughts when they come in. Try to manage these 4 things well throughout your days.
  4. If you’re very stressed – If you’re stressed for whatever reason your body will already be on high alert. Be mindful that when in this state thoughts will feel more sticky, catastrophic and black and white.
  5. If you haven’t moved your body enough – Movement creates endorphins in the brain which are our bodies natural de-stressors. We were built to move and as a result we feel better when we do.
  6. A sneaky 6th one for the ladies – when we’re on our periods resilience can also be lower and so be kind to yourself during this time and know the thoughts will feel more sticky.

Let me know what you think and whether there’s any you’d add to the list. Keeping everything in balance when tackling OCD can be tricky. However, it will set you up to succeed in the long run.

Stay Strong xxx

OCD & Anxiety – The Intolerance of doubt and uncertainty

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The intolerance of doubt and uncertainty is a big one when it comes to OCD and anxiety.  Ultimately, it’s what it all comes down to – not being able to sit with that uncomfortable feeling and trying to certainty – which is impossible by the way.  

As humans we hate not knowing, we love to fix, sort and order things, it keeps us calm and gives us a sense of control.  Unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way – especially a life worth living – it is full of risk, uncertainty and not knowing what’s around the next corner. 

Why does uncertainty feel so horrible, well it’s all to do with that organ up there inside our skull, the brain.  It’s number one job is to keep us alive and if it’s knows what’s coming next it’s chances of that are much higher.  It loves predictability, set routines and absolutely no surprises, that way it can relax and keep you safe, job done.  

However, if we do the same things all day every day life can get a bit dull and limited. As humans, we like to try new things, the brains not always so keen though. Why? Well If we’re going to try new things then it’s going to have to do some work.  If we’re going to risk stepping outside of our comfort zone, then the brain needs to make sure we’re safe and making sensible decisions and so it’s going to start sending some signals our way. 

Say you want to go and try a new gym.  You used to love exercise and you’ve been really keen to get back to it since having your kids.  You haven’t been to the gym for a good few years now and there’s likely been some changes, which means there’s going to be things you’re uncertain about – cue the brain, tactic one – talk you out of it   

‘You’re not in as good a shape as you used to be, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get through the class.  ‘  

‘There are lots of different classes on the timetable which you don’t recognise, what if you book onto the wrong one?’ 

‘You don’t know anyone there, what if no one talks to you?’ 

‘You won’t know your way round, what if you get lost on the way to a class and people think you’re stupid?’  

You get the idea, lots, and LOTS of uncertainty, things you don’t know about the place, other bits you’ll have to work out when you’re there and maybe you’ll feel a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed because everyone else knows what they’re doing and where they’re going.

Cue the brain again,

‘Are you sure you want to do all that?  Seems like a lot of effort.  Wouldn’t it be easier not to?  We could just stay at home like we normally do and chill on the sofa with the family.  We enjoy that and then we don’t have to go through any of those horrible feelings ‘

How would you react to this situation, does it sound familiar?  Are you good at talking yourself out of things? 

This is intolerance of uncertainty!!  The brain hates it, it will try and talk you out of it any way it can. 

However if you don’t listen and go anyway the brain steps it up a notch by throwing some nerves/apprehension/anxiety your way.  It’s worth saying at this point that this is very NORMAL, we should feel nervous when we go into new territory this is the brain telling you to ‘be careful/vigilant, there might be danger ahead’.

Trying new things, pushing outside of your comfort zone and attempting to grow as a person is ALWAYS going to feel uncomfortable.  The only way to show the brain that the situation is safe is to go through it.    

Let’s look at a couple of ways we can reframe the thoughts above:

Brain – ‘You’re not in as good a shape as you used to be, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get through the class? ‘  

Try – ‘Everyone has to start somewhere and who cares if I make it to the end of the class, any exercise is better than no exercise – which is what I’m doing now – just getting there will be a great achievement.  It’s completely normal to feel a bit anxious in this situation. ‘  

Brain – ‘There are lots of different classes on the timetable which you don’t recognise, what if you book onto the wrong one?’ 

Try – ‘If I book the wrong class, I’ll give it a try and then I’ll know whether I’ll like it for next time, it’ll be fun to try something new and I might even find a class I love, thanks brain.  ‘ 

Brain – ‘You don’t know anyone there, what if no one talks to you?’ 

Try – ‘Why wouldn’t anyone talk to me, that’s pretty negative brain.  If I come in with a smile, I’m sure people will be pleasant but even if they aren’t I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl but thanks for checking in brain.’      

Brain – ‘You won’t know your way round, what if you get lost on the way to a class and people think you’re stupid?’  

Try – ‘If I get lost, I’ll ask someone the way and I’ll work it out, I always have in the past but thanks for taking care of me brain.’    

OCD feeds into this a lot to, whatever your theme may be, it most likely boils down to the fact that you’re not willing to sit with uncertainty in some way. 

Examples may include:

‘Maybe that red spot I touched was blood and now I have a horrible disease’.

‘Maybe I hit someone on the drive home from work’.

‘If I don’t do ______ 4 times _____ will happen’.

‘If I don’t double check the oven is off the house might burn down’.

‘If I don’t double check the front door is locked, we might get burgled’.

There are loads of these but ultimately OCD will just feed into the areas of your life where you are unable to sit with uncertainty and they will most likely be the things you love and care about the most.  It normally all comes down to a core belief that you won’t be able to cope if _________ happens. 

So we have to get better at sitting with that icky feeling and not just white knuckling our way through it either, you have to expect it to come and accept it’s presence WILLINGLY. 

Why not try out some of the following next time you’re in a situation where you’re feeling a bit anxious, and your brain starts throwing things your way.

‘I can see I feel a bit anxious, that’s completely normal in this situation, thanks for keeping me safe brain’.

‘That’s exactly the thought I want right now’.

‘I want this feeling because it means that I’m growing as a person and that’s exciting’. 

Then get straight back to whatever you’re working on. 

All this being said we do need to work with the brain and build it up slowly, if you are having panic attacks every time you get into a car following an accident, then perhaps you need to sit in the car with the door open on the drive a few times and show your brain all’s fine before going off and taking a 3 hour drive on the motorway.  Only you will know what’s tolerable to sit with and what’s not. 

Have a good think about how you can push into uncertainty and strengthen your ability to sit with those uncomfortable feelings. 

Good luck!  This is not easy work but keep those end goals in focus and they will give you the strength to get through those uncomfortable feelings and start taking back control of your life.

Stay Strong

Fiona Fox

What a year!

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Well, what a year 2021 has been, I feel like I’ve been to hell and back and I really didn’t see it coming. As a result, I have been super quiet on here and I am sorry for that but know I have been working on myself and building back my resilience which was shattered to pieces a few months ago.

This blog was never a place to fill with OCD triggers and so I’m not going to go through in detail what has happened but just that it was some health issues which resulted in panic attacks followed by a particularly awful run of jury duty which triggered my OCD, the result of which was a mental break.

There is no way I could have predicted either of these two events and it has given me a new perspective on my recovery. I really thought I had my OCD under control but what I’ve come to realise this year is that I had actually just become very good at avoiding my triggers. I wouldn’t watch the news or go to places I found uncomfortable but by avoiding these things when I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t anymore, I just shut down and was unable to cope.

My coping mechanisms had become so natural that I hadn’t even realised I was doing them, scary! So, the second half of this year has been a battle with myself to get back on track and I am still going through this and will be for some time I believe. It makes me sad that this has happened but I am learning and growing all the time and having self-compassion is incredibly important. I will not be sad to see the back of 2021 but here are some thing it has taught me which maybe useful for you as well.

  • You can’t hide/avoid your triggers, they will find you. You have to face them and ERP the shit out of them!
  • Self-care is essential!
  • Exercise is really important but don’t rely solely on it! I’ve done this in the past as I love yoga but then if you get ill what do you do, have a backup!
  • Sleep well
  • Eat really well, avoid sugar and processed foods
  • Avoid alcohol, drugs and caffeine where possible
  • Help others, this takes the focus off yourself and gets you out of your own head, I teach yoga and it is fantastic for this!
  • Be in nature as often as you can, when I was really low just watching the birds fly in the garden seemed to lift me a bit, knowing the world is bigger than you and your thoughts is important.
  • Learn to live with uncertainty, yuck, I hate this one but it is essential for getting through OCD and health anxiety, none of us know what the future holds and the sooner you get on board with that the happier you’ll be.
  • Learn some breathing techniques, you don’t have to meditate everyday (unless you can of course, in which case do) but know how to regulate your breath for those situations when it’s tough and you feel your anxiety rising, I will try and do a blog on this next year.
  • Socialise, I find it brings me back to the present very quickly and out of my own head
  • Don’t avoid anything, push into the avoidance – another yucky one I know.

Those are just a few of the things I have learnt, I could probably go on and on to be honest, I’ve done so much in therapy this year! I will do my best in 2022 to blog more with helpful information and I might add in some yoga and breathing exercises too. If you don’t already follow me on Instagram please do as I’m going to be throwing more info up there in the coming months, all things that have helped me.

I hope your 2021 has been better than mine and that your recovery is going well, no matter where you are on that road remember it is not a straight line and there will be set backs, even massive ones like I’ve had this year! Always remember that you are a good person and that these thoughts – which everyone gets – affect you more because of that. Sending lots of love to everyone suffering with OCD over the Christmas period, I know it can be really tough, wishing you a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year,

As always,
Stay Strong xxx

Relapse and Recovery

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So, I’ve been away for a while and I’m sorry about that but the title of this post might give you a little insight into why that’s been the case. 

I’ve had OCD for a long time now and I thought I was pretty resilient and to be honest I think I probably was but starting in November last year I went through a series of events which I did not see coming and in May this year that led me to a mental state which was scarily close to suicidal.  Even writing that world has given me chills and I still can’t quite believe it but there you have it.  I’m still on my road to recovery at the moment and some days are better then others but I am definitely not where I was six weeks ago and that is very good news. 

Now I’ve learnt a lot over the last few months and I am planning to share the good bits that could help you guys too but it’s going to take me some time as I have to protect my mental health and writing this blog, even though cathartic at times can be emotionally draining. 

So enough about me, how is everyone?  I think the world is such a tough place mentally at the moment and it’s very easy to feel quite down about things, especially if you have OCD, as we are generally more prone to seeing the worst-case scenario and looking for problems which confirm our negative thinking patterns.

I’ve been doing my best to notice and override these thinking patterns, so I thought I’d share some of the things which have helped me along the way:

  • Sitting at the end of each day and writing down the things which have made me smile.  Even if I’ve had a pretty miserable day there’s always been something and focusing on these is a great way to go to bed thinking more positively, it gives you a great list to look back on when you’re feeling low too. 
  • Gratitude can also help, I tend to do this first thing in the morning, I lie in bed after I wake up, take a big breath into my lungs and I am thankful that I am alive, that I can breath and feel my body move with my breath, I wiggle my toes and feel grateful that I can and then I open my eyes and feel grateful that I can, I give myself a hug and tell myself that I am proud of myself, that I love myself and that I am a good person.  All this takes about 60 seconds so don’t tell me you can’t do it to!  Connecting with your body and thanking it for working for you is so important.   
  • Being out in nature, for me this is a massive one, there’s something so nice about being away from all the hustle and bustle of daily life and just grounding yourself, it can make your worries feel very small and insignificant and can remind you that you are part of something a lot bigger then yourself. 
  • I would normally say exercise at this point and this has always worked for me BUT what happens when you can’t exercise?  This has also happened to me recently and it has taught me that you can’t be reliant on one strategy for your mental wellness, you have to have a bag full of resources to fall back on, so don’t put all your eggs in one basket!   
  • Breathwork, this has been something I’ve always rolled my eyes at in the past but I’ve started to integrate some breathwork into parts of my life, especially round situations where I get very anxious and it is amazing how you can change your whole state of being through breathing.  If you get quite anxious it is worth learning one or two breathing exercises which you can use when the situation calls for it.
  • Eating well, now this can seem a massive effort when you’re feeling at your lowest but start easy and build it up.  For instance, you can add an extra piece of fruit in instead of a sugary snack, you can still have a sugary snack but if you’ve already had two biscuits maybe substitute the third for an orange?  Yesterday I made myself a second coffee at 3pm, I knew this was a bad idea and even though my brain was saying ‘yes you want it’, I ultimately knew what would follow would be a jittery rest of the day, then not being able to get to sleep at bedtime and so yesterday I poured it down the sink and made myself a decaf instead but don’t get me wrong, there have been plenty of days when I’ve drunk it and suffered the consequences when I’ve felt less resilient or thought I would be OK, you learn as you go and you should never beat yourself up for these decisions once they’ve been made, accept them and move on, ALWAYS!!!!
  • Social interaction, this is so important and I couldn’t recommend it enough.  OCD has this nasty way of making you think you’re alone and you’re the only one suffering but it couldn’t be less true, the more I speak to people the more I realise that everyone has something going on, no one is acing life, despite what their Instagram feed may look like and you are definitely 100% not alone.
  • Get help, if you are really suffering don’t wait, I’m back in therapy now and that’s exactly where I need to be.

I have so much to share from the last few months and I promise to only share the good stuff in the hope it will help you too, no one needs more misery in their lives.  I really hope you’re all good and as always,

Stay Strong xxx

OCD – Blind Faith

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So how is everyone doing?  It’s been a tough few weeks hasn’t it.

Today I thought I’d write about Blind Faith; this is something you may never of heard of but if you have then it’s probably been in a religious sense. The definition of Blind Faith, from our friends at google is as follows: 

Blind-faith… is lacking in some component(s) of information but still continuing to believe in something. …You can have faith that something will occur knowing that the evidence suggests the outcome…but blind-faith is having faith something will occur with no evidence or conflicting evidence against that outcome

Now if you suffer from OCD Blind faith is something you definitely need more of but you probably struggle with.

WARNING: there might be some triggers here, especially if you’re pregnant!!

When I was pregnant with my first child I was in a pretty bad way mentally for most of the pregnancy, too many uncertainties for my OCD brains liking.  I read up on everything (a mistake) and catastrophised everything! 

I remember going away for my birthday in March when I was about 14 weeks pregnant and going for a walk with my husband.  We got stuck in the muddiest field full of cows, lots of their poo and sheep with their new born lambs and I honestly had the biggest breakdown/panic attack where we ended up back at the hotel, me in the bed in the foetal position crying – pregnant women are supposed to avoid mud because of bacteria in the soil and new born lambs because of an infection that can be transmitted to pregnant women – I hadn’t touched any of the lambs but of course my OCD completely catastrophised the situation and the weekend was all down hill from there. 

Later that day we went down for an evening meal and there was fish on the menu, needless to say I was already in a pretty bad way and my resilience was none existence by this point.  The fish on the menu was seabass – fine for pregnant women in moderation – but my magical thinking OCD kept telling me it was swordfish – to be avoided by pregnant women. I don’t know how many times I checked the menu and of course I had my phone out googling; ‘fish you can eat whilst pregnant’, for most of the meal. I was a stressed-out, anxious mess the whole time and I don’t remember one thing we talked about that evening because I was so distracted by my intrusive thoughts – sound familiar anyone?  

I remember looking over at my husband and asking him why he was so calm and he said the following words to me,

‘This is not in your control, you just have to have blind faith that everything is going to be OK’

and he was absolutely right (don’t tell him I said that!).

Of course I’m relating all this to my pregnancy, where you really do have very limited control over what the outcome will be and you have to just trust that your body knows what it’s doing. However this can be related back to any OCD intrusive thought/situation and I still use it most days. 

Remember we don’t really have any control over how our life is going to turn out, what events we’re going to be caught up in (Covid) or whether we’re going to be well tomorrow (my BPPV – vertigo which I just suddenly woke up with), we really only have now and that’s it.  We are all living with uncertainty and the more we can just trust and accept that we have no control but that we will get through whatever comes our way, only WHEN it comes our way then we are winning!

This is the resilience which we should all aim for and focus our energy on. Instead of worrying about the what ifs and the maybes we should be focusing on building up our resilience so we’re prepared for anything that comes our way.

So the next time an intrusive thought comes your way why not have a bit of blind faith that by not fixating on it/acting on the compulsion everything will be OK.

Sending love to you all at this crazy time, remember we’re all in this together!

Stay Strong xxx 

Post Lockdown Anxiety

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So how is everyone?

Sorry it’s been a little while since I’ve managed to find the time to write something, I’ve been meaning too but full time childcare and yoga teacher training has taken over my life for the last few weeks and I just seem to have no time at all!

So lockdown is finally easing in the UK and this is good news right?  Well yes of course it is but unfortunately for me I have really noticed my anxiety about getting out and about has gone through the roof.  I am an introvert with OCD so not a great combo to start with, add in Covid-19 and well you’ve got an anxiety inducing nightmare for me.

I have worked incredibly hard over the last 2-5 years to build up the courage to do just simple things like; drive to new places, go to the supermarket, meet friends at playgroups and now it feels a little like I’ve gone backwards.

I haven’t managed to get out with the kids without my husband or mother in tow yet which makes me extremely sad.  When my second child was born it took me 7 months before I had the courage to get out on my own with the two kids so this is a bit of a blow for me.  I have friends who have never had mental health issues before who are feeling the anxiety at the moment so I realise it’s probably to be expected that it’s going to hit me a bit harder but still it’s a tough pill to swallow.

There’s also a sort of loneliness about getting out at the moment, in the past we would always be going out to meet friends and socialise but the kids are a bit small to understand social distancing currently.

So I guess I go back to taking baby steps and being kind to myself, I need to remember all the tools that are so useful when things get overwhelming.  Simple things like mindfulness, remembering to breath and even just putting a smile on your face can help.  Eating and sleeping well, not drinking and trying to get some exercise in where you can.

I think it will be a while before I manage to get to a shopping centre but the local park should be achievable right?  I know I am lucky in so many ways and these are the things to focus on for now, the rest will come over time.

I wonder if anyone else is feeling like this?  Hopefully my post will make you feel a little less alone if you are.

Let’s all try and be kind to ourselves in what is the strangest of times,

As always, Stay Strong xxx

 

Trying to Find Some Calm

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To be honest I think I’ve stumbled at the first hurdle with this one when I’ve said ‘trying’ to relax.  Surely you’re not fully relaxed if you’re ‘trying’ to be.  Being truly relaxed is something that happens when we don’t even notice and so probably impossible to orchestrate and therefore out of reach for so many of us who want to be able to control everything, argh!!!!

So what can we do to set us towards this state without forcing it?  That is the million dollar question!

I’m going to start with making a list of things I enjoy doing and that I know make me feel calmer and do more of these things:

  • Spending time with my family
  • Being outside
  • Having the house tidy and organised
  • Eating well
  • Exercising – Doing Yoga
  • Watching comedy and laughing

On top of knowing what you enjoy doing having some good coping mechanisms in place is important.  Such as being able to deal with any situation that comes your way in a calm manner, this does take a lot of practice.  It involves being able to adapt and accept that you cannot control everything or everyone around you.  It also means you have to be able to let other peoples shit – which will be sent your way occasionally – wash over you and not effect your calm.  Some people will not be as emotionally mature as you are and that is their issue not yours.

If we don’t want to remove ourselves from society completely then we must find the best ways to deal with the situations life throws at us which we cannot predict, control or change.  Life is a roller coaster, there will be bad days as well as good, sad times as well as happy and if we can try to put a positive slant on every situation then we will be able to cope better.  Even the toughest times in life will teach us something.

Try and eliminate worry from your life, it is completely pointless.  Worrying about a situation doesn’t improve it, change it or help in any way.  If you are worrying about something and there is something you can do to change it then DO IT.  If there is nothing that can be done then you have to just let it go, know what will be will be and get back to living in the moment rather then the past or the future.  Worry really does spoil any calm you might have cultivated so don’t let it!

Write a gratitude list when you’re feeling low and appreciate all the things you have.  Always striving for the next thing and not stopping to appreciate what you already have is never going to bring you happiness and it’s very exhausting.

Life is full on nowadays and it can be difficult to switch off at times but finding the quiet in all the chatter is important for your brain, how can you relax unless you have time to stop for a moment?  Meditation is brilliant for this, unfortunately I think a lot of people hear the word ‘meditation’ and start to tune out, either because they feel they ‘don’t have the time’, or it’s a bit ‘hippie dippie’ for them.  I’ve thought both of these things in the past and I admit I still find it hard to find time to just ‘meditate’ and be with myself.  I manage to attach some mediation to my yoga practice and this feels a bit less intense to me but it can definitely be hard if you’re not a fan of your own company (and many of those suffering with mental illness aren’t) to find time to just be with yourself.

Mindfulness can be a smaller step in this direction and much easier to do immediately, just focus in on anything around you even just your breathing and off you go!

I hope you have a few more ideas on how to help find your calm and be more relaxed now.

As always, Stay Strong xxx