Tag: psychology

What’s the RAS and why it’s crucial for OCD recovery

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

One of the greatest insights into the brain and how it functions for me was when I learnt about the reticular activating system or RAS for short. 

I first read about the RAS in Jim Kwik’s book, Limitless – which I would highly recommend. 

He states that:

‘Every second, your senses gather up to 11 million bits of information from the world around you….
…The conscious mind typically processes only 50 bits per second. ‘

The RAS system plays an important role, 11 million is a lot and would be completely overwhelming if it all got through to your conscious awareness, so the RAS, filters out most of the information coming in. 

How does it know what to let through and what to ignore? This is generally based on where you focus your attention!    

Have you ever noticed when you’re shopping for something new, like a car, you suddenly start seeing the one you’re interested in all over the place?

I remember when my husband and I were looking for a new front door. I’d never looked at anyone’s front door before in my life, but all of a sudden I knew what everyone’s front door on my entire street was like.  We’ve now purchased our front door, and since then I’ve had no interest whatsoever in anyone else’s – my brain has stopped drawing my attention to them.

Another interesting example of this was when my husband and I went for an anniversary meal one year.  We were sitting in a beautiful conservatory enjoying a wonderful meal and I made a comment about one of the flower displays and how interesting the vase was.  My husband – generally much less interested in flowers and much more interested in technology – commented that he hadn’t even noticed the flowers but was looking at how they had discreetly wired in the sound system speakers – something which I had little interest in, so hadn’t noticed. 

Isn’t it fascinating how two people in the exact same space and moment in time can be experiencing something completely different, depending on what their brain thinks they’re interested in and is therefore drawing their attention to!

Bringing us round to OCD we can see how this system can work against us.  When we’re overly focused on our obsessions (unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, or feelings that repeatedly enter a person’s mind and cause significant anxiety.) our brain is going to see them as important and hijack that small stream of data coming through to our conscious awareness to bring our attention to them.  As it does this it blocks out all the other things we might very well have been interested in! 

Another great quote which I love is: ‘What am I missing by choosing to worry and be afraid?’

How much of your life are you missing out on? It can feel tough to hear all this, particularly, if like me, you’ve had OCD for a long time.  OCD thoughts consume so much of our mental space and energy that when other things come along, they could be right in front of us and we don’t see them!

So what do we need to do?

Well it doesn’t happen quickly, but we need to not engage with the OCD obsessions when they come in, any resistance to them shows the brain they are important and activates that filter.  I know it can feel impossible, but I have found, through 30 years of OCD experience, it is the only way to be rid of them. Just say: 

‘Thank you brain, that’s exactly what I want to hear right now’

and carry on with your day. This way you’re not pushing it away but you’re also not interacting with it.

Next, you need to check your inner dialogue. This will also effect what comes through your filter and quite often is running on auto pilot in an unhelpful way.

A great exercise is to sit for a moment and see how you talk to yourself.  I’m guessing if you have OCD you’re probably not being that kind.

From Jim Kiwk’s book, a quote from Dr Jennice Vilhauer

‘The inner critic isn’t harmless.  It inhibits you, limits you, and stops you from pursuing the life you truly want to live.  It robs you of peace of mind and emotional well-being and, if left unchecked long enough, it can even lead to serious mental health problems like depression and anxiety’ 

and I’d venture to add OCD to that list.    

Take a moment and write down what you hear yourself saying, then see if you can find a better more uplifting dialogue to tune into. Below are a couple of ideas for when OCD obsessions come in but you can apply this idea to all aspects of your life:

  • ‘I’m noticing my OCD is feeling overwhelming right now, but I’m working on letting it be and I know it will pass.  I am a strong and resilient person who can sit with this uncomfortable feeling’
  • ‘I know that giving into the OCD obsession will only make it worse in the future, I’m being strong now for my future freedom, I’m so proud of myself’
  • ‘When my OCD is triggered, I know I will be thrown into fight or flight, I can’t think rationally in that state so there is no point in interacting with the thought, I love that I can empower myself with this knowledge’.  

Next time you’re triggered have a go at using one of the above and see if it helps switch your mind away from negative thinking – which is going to be the focus of next week’s post.

Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already so you don’t miss any of my upcoming posts. let me know your thoughts on the RAS in the comments below, I’d love to hear your experiences of it too.

I hope this insight has been helpful, As always, Stay Strong xxx

The Power of Surrender in OCD Recovery

Posted in Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Surrender is something I’ve been trying to implement more in my life recently. 

I have written previously on how trust and confidence in the process of ERP are so important but also allowing yourself to surrender any internal resistance – which by the way can feel impossible at times – is really important, doing this allows your system time to discover it can cope and reset. 

I’ve recently noticed a sneaky OCD compulsion I have, where when an OCD thought comes in I naturally start to make a list of all the reasons that thought is rubbish.  It’s not even a fully conscious thing I do, but I have noticed me going:

‘Well, there’s no way I’d do __________ because I’m a good person and I’ve never done anything like that before and actually this feeling of doubt is a sign that I’d never do ________ and why would you hurt someone you love?’ etc, etc, etc

Does this sound familiar?  I think for a long time I’ve done this thinking it helps, but I’ve now realised it’s a damn COMPULSION!  Which has been keeping me stuck, argh!!!!

So, surrender is now my new strategy, noticing when this inner monologue kicks in and letting go of the need to defend my character. 

It reminds me of something I read called ‘Resisting the demons’ from Tara Brach’s book: ‘Trusting the Gold’, which I’d like to share.  It’s about a twelfth-century Tibetan master, called Milarepa and it goes as follows:

‘…he returned one evening to find his cave filled with demons.  Although he understood that they were just projections of his own mind, that didn’t make them any less threatening or horrible.  But how was he to get rid of them?

First, he thought teaching them spiritual truths might help.  They just ignored him. Angry and frustrated he ran at them, trying to push them out of the cave.  Far stronger than he, they laughed at him.  At last, Milarepa gave up, sat down on the floor and said, “I’m not leaving, and it looks like you are not either, so let us just live here together.”  That’s how we might finally respond to the especially stubborn demons we live with: “Well, that’s just the way I am.  I guess I have to live with it.  This is just the way life is.” 

But to Milarepa’s surprise, when he stopped resisting, instead of taking over, all the demons got up and left the cave.  All except one, and this one was particularly powerful. Milarepa realised that the only thing he could do was have the courage to deepen his surrender.  He walked over to that great demon and placed his head inside it’s gigantic mouth. “Just eat me up if you want to,” Milarepa said.  At that moment the demon vanished.’ 

Does this story resonate with you too?

I can see how the demons represent OCD obsessions, the ‘teaching them spiritual truths’ is a compulsion and feels a lot like what I’ve been doing recently with my, ‘I’m a good person reasoning’.

It does feel that surrendering – counterintuitive as it seems – is the only way to allow the thoughts to come and go without the distress. It’s only when we stop, judging, controlling, tensing against and avoiding our compulsions that we arrive in a more open, tender and healing space where the thoughts lose their power over us. 

I think it can feel ‘useful’ to be fighting against and battling our inner ‘demons’ at times but years of struggle has taught me that it’s not. 

When you finally stop it can feel a bit open and spacious, which is uncomfortable in a different way, the brain likes to be busy and it’ll want to fill that space with something. It is a creature of habit, so you will probably still get the doubt feeling coming, even if you’ve let go of the obsession, you need to get used to that feeling. If you don’t the brain will try desperately to attach it to another obsession – this is known as the ‘whack a mole’ effect – but know if you let it be the brain will eventually realise it doesn’t need to produce that feeling any more.

OCD recovery can feel like a long road but stick with it because the peace and clarity you get in the good times is worth it.

As always, you are not alone,
Stay Strong xxx

Why OCD Compulsions Make it Worse!

Posted in Mental Health, OCD, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

If you’ve landed here, you probably already know a bit about OCD but in case you don’t here are the Cliff notes.

OCD stands for: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

Obsessions are: unwanted, intrusive, and distressing thoughts, images, urges, or feelings that repeatedly enter a person’s mind and cause significant anxiety. 

The resulting compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that a person feels driven to perform in response to the obsession. 

Todays blog is all about why the compulsion part of OCD is not helpful for us. 

When you have OCD completing a compulsion, whatever it may be, is done out of a need to neutralise the obsession in some way. 

Examples of compulsions include; driving back round to check that a bump in the road wasn’t a person.  Washing your hands more than once to make sure they’re clean.  Going back to check if the oven is off, or that the doors are all locked and secure. 

There are in fact endless examples, and we’re all slightly different which can make OCD a very tricky beast to catch. 

It can be hard at times not to complete a compulsion, especially if we feel responsible for others safety but I’ve found that by invalidating the supposed ‘safety guarantee’ of the compulsion, the need to do it disappears as well. We start to see it as pointless – because it is, read on to see why.

How do I know if it’s an OCD compulsion?

The real clue to whether it’s an OCD compulsion or not, is that when it’s OCD it’s normally accompanied by distress.  Afterall if we don’t mind the compulsive action, then is it an issue?

People with OCD are normally fighting an inner battle where they are trying to work out the doubt and uncertainty they are feeling – impossible by the way – and compulsions such as checking or ruminating can feel like a productive way to do this.  Well, I’m here today to confirm to you that IT IS NOT. 

We feel like the compulsions are’ ‘helping us’ and ‘keeping us safe’ but they’re doing the complete opposite, yep you heard it right, they are making everything worse!

Now I’m not a qualified therapist but I know from years of experience that as soon as you give into one of those compulsions, you are validating the faulty signal coming from the amygdala and telling the brain that there is something to worry about.  You’re basically saying,

‘hey brain, this is important, you need to be on high alert and focus all your attention on this obsession’.    

By doing this you are putting yourself into your Sympathetic Nervous System, more commonly known as fight or flight.  Once in this state you will not be thinking rationally. The logical brain switches off and passes everything over to the more primal survival part of the brain. This part of the brain is all about keeping you safe and you’ve just told it, by giving into the compulsion, that there’s something it needs to worry about. 

Basically you’ve just started to fall down the rabbit hole.  I told you last time, he might look fluffy but he’s a whole lot of trouble!

When in fight or flight you cannot think rationally and so you are in a state where the brain can convince you black is white, up is down and left is right – things you know to be impossible!  You are not able to reason or be sensible in any way in this state and giving into an OCD compulsion puts you in this state.

How do you know when you’ve reached this state?  It can be hard when you’re in it to know but I like Martha Becks phrase:

‘If you’re struggling, you’re spiralling’

basically if it’s causing you distress then you can be pretty sure you’re in fight or flight. 

At this point you need to step away and reset.  Say ‘thank you brain, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now’ and carry on with your day aligning with your values.

More tips on how to do this coming next week, so don’t forget to subscribe below!  

In summary, compulsions are pointless because:   

  • As soon as we complete a compulsion, we validate the faulty signal aka the obsession. 
  • This then takes us into fight or flight – as we we’ve just told the brain there’s something to be worried about
  • Once this happens, we can’t think rationally
  • This cycle is self perpetuating.

I have illustrated it below to make it clear.

Hopefully you can now see why completing compulsions is COMPLETELY POINTLESS!!!!

I really hope this helps, let me know in the comments below.
As always, Stay Strong xxx

5 Simple Words to Help Manage Intrusive Thoughts Effectively

Posted in Anxiety, Mental Health, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD General, worryTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

‘I’m not answering that question’, 5 simple words and yet it can feel so hard in the moment. 

When you’re spiralling – for whatever reason – you can feel quite desperate and like you must focus all your attention on answering OCD/anxieties questions, because ‘this time it might matter’, ‘I can’t take that risk’ or ‘I need to check, just in case’!

Does all this sound familiar? 

I get this a lot, in fact most days.  Sometimes something will happen or sometimes it can literally be an uncomfortable thought, feeling or emotion and that’s it my brain will hyper-focus on trying to work out the answer/solution as if it’s life or death! 

Sitting with the doubt can feel like too much, when it’s the people you love, your own mortality or something that strongly conflicts with your values.  You feel like the risk is too high and you must know the answer right now! 

Well let me tell you something, this is OCD and anxieties favourite game.  It wants to steal your focus, it wants your time and energy and nothing but your full attention is acceptable.  It likes to throw things at you until something sticks and then, aha, it’s got you, say goodbye to the rest of your day! 

So, how can we know if it’s OCD and anxiety or whether we genuinely need to pay attention to a thought, I hear you ask?

Ultimately the game is to learn to sit with the uncertainty but I’ve found a good guidepost is to ask yourself the following two questions:

  1. Am I suffering? 
  2. Do I feel desperate and like I need the answer right now?

If you’ve answered yes to either of these questions, then in my experience you can pretty much guarantee that you are in an anxiety/OCD spiral and that you wont be thinking logically/rationally. 

Your job is therefore to do NOTHING!

Step away from the thought and carry on with your day as if it’s completely irrelevant.  You can expect to feel anxious but that’s OK. 

Every time that thought comes back into your head just say the 5 words:

‘I’m not answering that question.’

and carry on with whatever you’re doing.

I do understand that in the moment when your brain is telling you that thought needs all your attention it can feel impossible, but you need to be brave and let it be. 

Another time this is particularly helpful is at night, when our rational brain is having a rest and we’re never thinking at our best. Things ALWAYS seem worse in the middle of the night so just tell your brain, I’m not answering that question’.

I really hope it helps you as much as it has me,
Let me know how you get on and as always,
Stay Strong xxx

OCD – How to know if you should pay attention & why we don’t trust ourselves.

Posted in Mental Health, Mental Wellbeing, OCD, OCD Awareness Week, OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I wrote last week about trust being maybe the most important thing in OCD and Anxiety recovery.  I’ve been using this concept over the last week in my OCD work and there really does seem to be something in it. 

Ultimately OCD thrives on doubt, and that doubt is in yourself and your ability to cope with whatever situation life/your brain throws at you.  It’s our inability to trust that when placed in a situation, we’ll take the right action/make the right decision/act in accordance with our values/be able to cope with the whatever’s thrown our way.

So why don’t we trust ourselves?  Who or what has made us doubt our own mind & judgement?

We’re generally told not to go looking for reasons we have OCD in therapy and the current belief – or so I understand – is that it is potentially a mix of genetics & life experiences but as far as I know there are no certainties here.    

Ultimately, we don’t need to know why we have it to recover from it, but it is my belief that OCD is often triggered when we’re in periods of heightened emotional stress.   Potentially trauma but also new mums, big life changes, times when our parasympathetic nervous system – fight or flight – is more active for whatever reason. 

When in this mindset (fight or flight) we think less rationally (trust ourselves less), our emotional brain is more active and so the thoughts that come up could potentially be stickier/more triggering to us. 

I know when my OCD/anxiety has been triggered, for whatever reason, I am then more vulnerable to other OCD thoughts/triggers – a reason ERP can be so hard.  When I’m back in my sympathetic nervous system – rest and digest – often I can dismiss THE SAME THOUGHTS easily (I trust myself). 

Another example of this is at night when the rational side of the brain (prefrontal cortex) winds down for a rest and the emotional side of the brain takes control.  Ever thought something in the middle of the night and freaked yourself out, not been able to get back to sleep and then in the morning thought, what the…….???? Yep, that’s what OCD feels like.  The logical part of the brain seems to switch off and you’re in fight or flight, thinking in black and white, able to convince yourself that up is down and potentially you could secretly be a psychopath/murderer/paedophile/whatever your current theme may be. 

This emotional part of the brain is powerful – imagine it like an elephant and the logical thinking part like the rider.  The rider cannot control the elephant; it must work with it otherwise it will take control.

We regain our trust and switch the logical brain back on by sitting with the thoughts and doing, well, nothing.  This, when you’re in fight or flight is terrifying, almost impossible at times.  Your brain is desperate to work it out, it feels like it needs to know NOW!  But that need and desperation is your sign that you are spiralling, and you actually need to do nothing. 

I read Martha Becks new book, Beyond Anxiety, recently – some great bits in there for anyone who like to read – and she used the phrase,

 ‘If you’re struggling, then you’re spiralling’

which I really liked, because it’s not always easy to detect whether it’s your OCD/anxiety calling the shots or whether it’s actually something you should be paying attention to. In fact your brain will be telling you it’s the only thing you should be focusing right now. But if you’re suffering/struggling/distressed you can trust that you’re not being rational, and it IS your anxious OCD brain catastrophising. 

Once the logical brain switches back on, you’ll easily be able to rationalise the thoughts – I promise. 

I also know that when OCD is bad, the amount of time you spend out of fight or flight is low.  I can remember when I had my nervous breakdown, I thought my brain was never going to go quiet – ever.  And then one day I noticed I had a few seconds when it was and I thought, YES, it is possible, but it takes time, I’m not going to lie, it’s tough.  So know that if your OCD is currently bad, you may not be thinking rationally much of the time!   

You might not think this right now, so I’m going to tell you. You are a good person, you are worth it, and there is light at the end of that tunnel, so never give up. 

Stay strong – you are not alone xxx

Does giving into just ONE OCD compulsion matter?

Posted in OCD, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Mental health is like a garden; I really love this analogy. 

Mental health is like a garden; I love this analogy. 
I have found over the years that I go through peaks and troughs with my mental health, and it is quite often the case that a trough will occur when I’ve become a bit lazy with my ‘gardening’ so to speak.

The ‘weeds’ don’t pop up all at once of course, it’s quite insidious in that respect, but over time they sneak in.  Maybe you let one compulsion go or you avoid a situation which might be a bit uncomfortable – because after all one little slip can’t hurt right?    

Well here’s the bad news, it can!

Know the brain believes what it sees, it notes down what you do and it’s watching ALL THE TIME!  One missed exposure is not just one missed exposure, it’s evidence to your brain that you can’t cope with the situation at hand and so you should do the compulsion, avoid the situation if possible and in the future too – just in case.  You can see how this can lead to a spiral effect and how those weeds can take hold. 

It can very quickly become a slippery slope and before you know it, you’re snowballing, your obsessions (intrusive thoughts) worsen, the brains monitoring systems ramps up, along with your anxiety.  You feel more on edge & you start to loose trust in your own judgement.

‘Last time we did the compulsion and it worked out OK, best do the compulsion again – just in case’.

But if you never give the brain the opportunity to see that you can cope, then how will it ever know?   

It’s tough living with OCD and anxiety.  Every day can feel overwhelming and it’s hard to be constantly putting yourself out there and sitting with uncomfortable feelings, which let’s be honest are designed by nature to try and stop you doing the uncomfortable thing!  We are literally going against our built in mechanisms to stop us doing the scary thing and so it is hard and it’s tiring but it is worth it. 

When you get to drive to the shops without worrying about having hit someone on the way, when you can leave the house without having to check the doors multiple times, when you can use public toilets without fear of contamination, when you can hug your child and not worry about doing something inappropriate, when you can cook the tea without fretting you’ll lose control and stab someone, the list is endless.
Maybe some of these resonate with you or maybe you have some other, obsessions (intrusive thoughts), anxieties or fears that hound you daily.  Whatever they are, know they are not bigger than you, you can overcome the ‘weeds’ and thrive, but you must live the ERP (Exposure, response, prevention) lifestyle. 

It sounds so easy right, ‘just sit with the feelings’, I get it, it’s hard, it’s overwhelming at times, but it is worth it.  When you get a moment and your mind is quiet – yes it can happen – when your body feels more relaxed because it’s not in fight or flight all the time, when you can connect with friends and family because you’re not distracted and irritable, it’s worth it.  It’s freedom, it’s the best feeling.

So, how do we keep the weeds at bay?
Well some of it comes down to keeping what I like to call ‘The 5 foundations’ in check

Ask yourself now, do I…

  • …Sleep enough?
  • …Eat well? 
  • …Move my body everyday? 
  • …Have good relationships?
  • …Allow myself to relax?     

All of the above will help build your resilience up so that when you come to your exposures you are in the greatest mental space to deal with them.  We need to give ourselves the best chance to sit with the feelings that come up and the 5 foundations will do this for you – know that when they slip you will be more vulnerable to OCD thoughts and ERP (exposure response prevention) will be more difficult.

Making ERP a lifestyle, is important. We should be pushing outside of our comfort zones, just a little bit, each day proving to our brains that we are strong, resilient and that the thoughts are irrelevant.

Know that you are not alone, recovery is slow but not impossible and definitely worth it.
As always,
Stay Strong xxx

stay strong xxx