Tag: OCD

Everything OCD Related

OCD during my Pregnancy

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So this was a big one for me.  Having had OCD since I was 11, having kids is something I always thought would probably be beyond me.  The very thought of having to look after another person who would be completely dependant on me – when at times I wasn’t that capable of looking after myself – seemed ridiculous.  I can even remember having a conversation with my husband before we got married where I explained that children may be completely off the cards for me and he should know that before we went any further.  Luckily for me, he was OK with that but I guess a lot of people wouldn’t be.

As time went on however it became apparent to me that kids were something I did really want and so I set to work sorting myself out.  It took two years, a course of anti depressants, 12 weeks of CBT therapy and a lot of hard work and communication before I felt ready to go for it.  At this point I was pretty in control of my OCD and I felt the strongest I had for years.

For someone with OCD, pregnancy is a minefield – so to speak.  Pregnancy brings with it an endless list of things that can go wrong and all when you’re in a heightened emotional state – in fact I understand that many people actually develop OCD during this time.  I don’t know how many times my partner had to say to me ‘You just have to have blind faith that everything is going to be OK’ and unfortunately it is a bit like that.  It was a tough time but each day passes and you move forward.  I wrote a list every time I had an OCD thought that I couldn’t dismiss straight away whilst I was pregnant, I have just counted back and there were 74!  I did have the support of a counsellor through my pregnancy and even though this could be seen as scary in some respects I actually found it reassuring.

However as tough as the pregnancy was, I got through it and I now have the most amazing little boy who makes every day worth while.  I hardly have time to think about OCD thoughts anymore, I’m so busy looking after him.  There has never been an easier way of grounding myself and being mindful in the moment because he demands it of me.  I never would have imagined beforehand that I would of coped with giving up my routine of full time work – the thing that always used to work best at grounding me – and spending long periods of time at home – something that always used to terrify me beforehand.  It just goes to show you don’t know what you are capable of until you try.  I had to go on a long journey to get there but it was worth every step to be where I am now.

Everyone has intrusive thoughts

Posted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Getting Help, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

EVERYONE HAS INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS!

You are not weird or strange for having them, you are just less able to dismiss them. During one of my sessions I was given the below information which I am now passing on to you in the hope it will help.

normal intrusive thoughts

The table below shows the results of research findings from a survey of 293 students (198 female, 95 male), none of who had a diagnosed mental health problem. The column on the left shows the type of intrusive thought and the 2 columns on the right show the percentage of women and men who said they had experienced that particular thought.

  item female % male %
1. driving into a window 13 16
2. running car off the road 64 56
3. hitting animals or people with car 46 54
4. swerving into traffic 55 52
5. smashing into objects 27 40
6. slitting wrist/throat 20 22
7. cutting off finger 19 16
8. jumping off a high place 39 46
9. fatally pushing a stranger 17 34
10. fatally pushing friend 9 22
11. jumping in front of train/car 25 29
12. pushing stranger in front of train/car 8 20
13. pushing family in front of train/car 5 14
14. hurting strangers 18 48
15. insulting strangers 50 59
16. bumping into people 37 43
17. insulting authority figure 34 48
18. insulting family 59 55
19. hurting family 42 50
20. choking family member 10 22
21. stabbing family member 6 11
22. accidentally leaving heat/stove on 79 66
23. home unlocked, intruder there 77 69
24. taps left on, home flooded 28 24
25. swearing in public 30 34
26. breaking wind in public 31 49
27. throwing something 28 26
28. causing a public scene 47 43
29. scratching car paint 26 43
30. breaking window 26 43
31. wrecking something 32 33
32. shoplifting 27 33
33. grabbing money 21 39
  item female % male %
34. holding up bank 6 32
35. sex with unacceptable person 48 63
36. sex with authority figure 38 63
37. fly/blouse undone 27 40
38. kissing authority figure 37 44
39. exposing myself 9 21
40. acts against sexual preference 19 20
41. authority figures naked 42 54
42. strangers naked 51 80
43. sex in public 49 78
44. disgusting sex act 43 52
45. catching sexually transmitted disease 60 43
46. contamination from doors 35 24
47. contamination from phones 28 18
48. getting fatal disease from strangers 22 19
49. giving fatal disease to strangers 25 17
50. giving everything away 52 43
51. removing all dust from the floor 35 24
52. removing dust from unseen places 41 29

Purdon C. & Clark D.  Obsessive intrusive thoughts in nonclinical subjects. Part 1 Content & relation with depressive, anxious & obsessional symptoms.  Behav Res Ther 1992;31:713-20

Catastrophizing

Posted in OCD Coping Strategies, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , 2 Comments

This has always been a big one for me, my mind seems programmed to always think of the worst case scenario.  This has sadly meant that over the years I’ve managed to talk myself out of all sorts of things, from simple things like going out to the shops, to bigger things like holidays, jobs, big purchases such as cars, houses, you name it.  As I look back over my life it is with a twinge of sadness that I’ve let OCD control so much of it.  I am however who I am and all I can do is look forward and not back.  So how have I started to take control and manage these negative thought patterns?  It is tricky and I have to admit I’m not always successful.

One nice method is to think in the opposite direction, think of the most positive outcome of a situation instead of the most negative for example:

The situation:  I need to go to the shops to get some groceries

catastrophizing thought:

‘If I go out in the car today I might hit someone, perhaps I should stay at home’

likely result:  you don’t go out, you stay at home and get more and more wound up about your thought and how to get the groceries you need.

Positive thought:

‘By going out in the car today I will get a step closer to conquering my OCD’

Likely result:  You get in the car, drive to the store & get your groceries.  You feel better for being out –  even if you’re a little anxious – nothing happens and you have achieved what you set out to do.

As hard as it is you have to, ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, the only way the brain learns is by showing it, you cannot reason with the emotional side of your brain it does not listen to reason.

Talking about mental health

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Until today I hadn’t really thought that much about speaking about mental health issues. Yes it took me a very long time to talk to anyone about my OCD but now that I have I don’t hide the fact I have it.  However when I meet someone for the first time it’s not the first thing I like to disclose about myself and thinking back now, people just don’t talk about mental health AT ALL!  So with the exception of just coming straight out with it, there is rarely a natural opportunity to talk about it.  In fact to this day some of my friends still don’t know, just because the opportunity has never arisen to tell them.  This makes me sad, as it’s a huge part of who I am and there is an element of freedom which comes with people knowing.

So if someone was struggling with a mental health issue, any mental health issue, would they feel like they could talk about it?  I’m guessing probably not, this is a huge failing in today’s society which must stop.  Why are mental health issues such a taboo subject when such a high percentage of the population is struggling with them (probably even more then we realise)?

So how do we get people talking about mental health?  It’s a very good question.

Events such as Mental health week help to bring mental health into the mainstream and get people talking but this is only one week a year.

Maybe if someone famous is suffering the way you are, you could use them to lead the conversation in that direction?

Perhaps a general stat could help, ‘One in four adults in the UK is suffering with a mental health issue of some kind’.

You may be surprised once you start chatting who else is feeling the same way as you. We owe it to each other to get these conversations going, don’t let people suffer in silence!

A problem shared is a problem halved

Posted in Getting Help, Mental Health, OCD GeneralTagged , , , , , 1 Comment

I think one of the things which sets OCD apart from other mental illnesses is the shame it can generate within the sufferer.  The thoughts can be so repulsive to the person suffering that they don’t even want to admit them to themselves, let alone tell someone else.  This is why so many people with OCD suffer silently for so many years on their own.  Which is so sad as once you start talking about your thoughts they start to loose their ‘power’ over you.

It took me 20 years to go to the doctors and ask for help, 20 YEARS!!!!!!  Even then I wasn’t sure I could.  The thing that finally pushed me to go was my partner.  They were having some anxiety problems of their own and instead of suffering they just made an appointment with the doctors and went, as if ‘why wouldn’t you?’  I sat there and thought, you’ve suffered for a few weeks and you’re getting help, I’ve suffered for 20 years, I need help, I want help and so I went.  But to this day if they hadn’t gone, I don’t think I would have.

I can remember sitting in the waiting room at the doctors (they were running late of course)  getting more and more wound up.  When I finally got to see the doctor I’m not even sure what I said, I had after all 20 years worth of thoughts to throw their way, but they understood straight away and they were very understanding.

I had some CBT therapy, (there is normally a wait for this, all the more reason to go sooner rather than later).  Did CBT therapy work for me?  Yes it was good (and I will go into more detail in a later post), but what helped me more then anything was sharing my thoughts, every time I talked to someone about one of my thoughts, it lost it’s ‘power’.  I know my OCD thoughts are irrational and by sharing them with someone who understands OCD, that was confirmed and therefore the thought diminished.  For me the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ couldn’t of been more true.

OCD is quite a personal thing, what works for one person may not work for another but what will help everyone, I would guess, is talking openly about it.  If you can’t talk to a professional talk to a close friend who you trust, a family member who knows you well.  Just don’t continue to suffer in silence.

Mental Health Awareness Week

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This week is mental health awareness week, it now feels even more fitting that this was the week I choose to finally start my blog and try to spread awareness about OCD.

The mental health foundation have a questionnaire on their website where you can find out your good mental health score, Mental Health Survey .  I was surprised after having taken it answering mostly ‘Some of the time’ – so not particularly positively overall – that I actually achieved an average (“Normal”) result.  I think this helps to back up what is becoming more and more apparent that mental health issues are on the rise and effect more people then we realise – I believe the current stat is 1 in 4 people (Some Mental Health Stats).

It is very easy when you are suffering from a mental health issue to think you are alone and that no one else could be going through what you are.  When I first starting suffering I was only 11 and I had never even heard of OCD, I had no idea what was happening and it was terrifying.  The only way we can stop this happening to other people is to raise awareness.  This is why this week is so important.

Is there anybody out there?

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Isn’t OCD frustrating?  This is the question I contemplate as I sit here with a blank page wanting to write, to shout about my experiences, to share and hopefully help others, who like me are fighting the OCD battle day after day.

I say frustrating because I’ve wanted to start this blog for well over a year, it nags at me – a bit like my OCD – that I should share my experiences and not be ashamed, even if it helps one person, then it’s been  worth it.  But every time I try to sit down and start, my OCD is there haunting me saying, ‘what will people you know think’, ‘will you be able to cope with all the questions?’, ‘Will people look at you differently’, ‘will people judge me?’ and before I know it I’ve closed the computer lid – much like an OCD compulsion where by shutting the lid I’ve dealt with the situation for now – however the need to share always comes back and so here I am, being the bravest I can be, in the hope that I can at least reach a few people and maybe even help myself deal with my OCD even better.