The intolerance of doubt and uncertainty is a big one when it comes to OCD and anxiety.  Ultimately, it’s what it all comes down to – not being able to sit with that uncomfortable feeling and trying to certainty – which is impossible by the way.  

As humans we hate not knowing, we love to fix, sort and order things, it keeps us calm and gives us a sense of control.  Unfortunately, life doesn’t really work that way – especially a life worth living – it is full of risk, uncertainty and not knowing what’s around the next corner. 

Why does uncertainty feel so horrible, well it’s all to do with that organ up there inside our skull, the brain.  It’s number one job is to keep us alive and if it’s knows what’s coming next it’s chances of that are much higher.  It loves predictability, set routines and absolutely no surprises, that way it can relax and keep you safe, job done.  

However, if we do the same things all day every day life can get a bit dull and limited. As humans, we like to try new things, the brains not always so keen though. Why? Well If we’re going to try new things then it’s going to have to do some work.  If we’re going to risk stepping outside of our comfort zone, then the brain needs to make sure we’re safe and making sensible decisions and so it’s going to start sending some signals our way. 

Say you want to go and try a new gym.  You used to love exercise and you’ve been really keen to get back to it since having your kids.  You haven’t been to the gym for a good few years now and there’s likely been some changes, which means there’s going to be things you’re uncertain about – cue the brain, tactic one – talk you out of it   

‘You’re not in as good a shape as you used to be, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get through the class.  ‘  

‘There are lots of different classes on the timetable which you don’t recognise, what if you book onto the wrong one?’ 

‘You don’t know anyone there, what if no one talks to you?’ 

‘You won’t know your way round, what if you get lost on the way to a class and people think you’re stupid?’  

You get the idea, lots, and LOTS of uncertainty, things you don’t know about the place, other bits you’ll have to work out when you’re there and maybe you’ll feel a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed because everyone else knows what they’re doing and where they’re going.

Cue the brain again,

‘Are you sure you want to do all that?  Seems like a lot of effort.  Wouldn’t it be easier not to?  We could just stay at home like we normally do and chill on the sofa with the family.  We enjoy that and then we don’t have to go through any of those horrible feelings ‘

How would you react to this situation, does it sound familiar?  Are you good at talking yourself out of things? 

This is intolerance of uncertainty!!  The brain hates it, it will try and talk you out of it any way it can. 

However if you don’t listen and go anyway the brain steps it up a notch by throwing some nerves/apprehension/anxiety your way.  It’s worth saying at this point that this is very NORMAL, we should feel nervous when we go into new territory this is the brain telling you to ‘be careful/vigilant, there might be danger ahead’.

Trying new things, pushing outside of your comfort zone and attempting to grow as a person is ALWAYS going to feel uncomfortable.  The only way to show the brain that the situation is safe is to go through it.    

Let’s look at a couple of ways we can reframe the thoughts above:

Brain – ‘You’re not in as good a shape as you used to be, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get through the class? ‘  

Try – ‘Everyone has to start somewhere and who cares if I make it to the end of the class, any exercise is better than no exercise – which is what I’m doing now – just getting there will be a great achievement.  It’s completely normal to feel a bit anxious in this situation. ‘  

Brain – ‘There are lots of different classes on the timetable which you don’t recognise, what if you book onto the wrong one?’ 

Try – ‘If I book the wrong class, I’ll give it a try and then I’ll know whether I’ll like it for next time, it’ll be fun to try something new and I might even find a class I love, thanks brain.  ‘ 

Brain – ‘You don’t know anyone there, what if no one talks to you?’ 

Try – ‘Why wouldn’t anyone talk to me, that’s pretty negative brain.  If I come in with a smile, I’m sure people will be pleasant but even if they aren’t I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl but thanks for checking in brain.’      

Brain – ‘You won’t know your way round, what if you get lost on the way to a class and people think you’re stupid?’  

Try – ‘If I get lost, I’ll ask someone the way and I’ll work it out, I always have in the past but thanks for taking care of me brain.’    

OCD feeds into this a lot to, whatever your theme may be, it most likely boils down to the fact that you’re not willing to sit with uncertainty in some way. 

Examples may include:

‘Maybe that red spot I touched was blood and now I have a horrible disease’.

‘Maybe I hit someone on the drive home from work’.

‘If I don’t do ______ 4 times _____ will happen’.

‘If I don’t double check the oven is off the house might burn down’.

‘If I don’t double check the front door is locked, we might get burgled’.

There are loads of these but ultimately OCD will just feed into the areas of your life where you are unable to sit with uncertainty and they will most likely be the things you love and care about the most.  It normally all comes down to a core belief that you won’t be able to cope if _________ happens. 

So we have to get better at sitting with that icky feeling and not just white knuckling our way through it either, you have to expect it to come and accept it’s presence WILLINGLY. 

Why not try out some of the following next time you’re in a situation where you’re feeling a bit anxious, and your brain starts throwing things your way.

‘I can see I feel a bit anxious, that’s completely normal in this situation, thanks for keeping me safe brain’.

‘That’s exactly the thought I want right now’.

‘I want this feeling because it means that I’m growing as a person and that’s exciting’. 

Then get straight back to whatever you’re working on. 

All this being said we do need to work with the brain and build it up slowly, if you are having panic attacks every time you get into a car following an accident, then perhaps you need to sit in the car with the door open on the drive a few times and show your brain all’s fine before going off and taking a 3 hour drive on the motorway.  Only you will know what’s tolerable to sit with and what’s not. 

Have a good think about how you can push into uncertainty and strengthen your ability to sit with those uncomfortable feelings. 

Good luck!  This is not easy work but keep those end goals in focus and they will give you the strength to get through those uncomfortable feelings and start taking back control of your life.

Stay Strong

Fiona Fox