Now this is something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, I really do dislike being on my own and having to sit with my own thoughts, eeek! In fact I’ve realised recently that I talk out loud to myself all the time and I think it’s partly so I don’t have to listen to my own thoughts and partly so I can separate the important thoughts from the jumble that is my own brain.
I find everything feels a bit more scary when I’m on my own, my anxiety is heightened and I catastrophize constantly, it’s also much harder to just dismiss negative thoughts. For me this is a working progress and I do believe I’m better at it then I used to be but man I’ve got a long way to go.
So once again I don’t have a nice quick fix for this either, hummm. I expect if I asked an expert they’d tell me I have to face it and just sit with the thoughts, feelings and inner ramblings. Maybe eventually something more positive would start to come out?
I think when you have OCD intrusive thoughts it’s incredibly difficult to like yourself and therefore your thoughts, I think the version of yourself you see is completely different to the one everyone else sees and so you can’t understand why other people like you at all and you actually have no idea what they think of you. Maybe they see more of the real you then you do, the you without OCD – if like me you have Pure O – now that’s a mind blowing thought!
So of course I must work harder on my self love and try to see all of the positives instead of the negatives. I must push myself to do the things I know make me feel well mentally:
- Get enough sleep
- Do exercise
- Eat well
- Remove caffeine and alcohol
- Remove any negative people who make me question my self worth from my social circle
- Write a list of positives to read when struggling
- Continue to write my blog
- Appreciate all the beautiful things I have in my life
- Live mindfully
So this is my little lecture to myself today to give myself that extra push that I know sometimes we all need. Recovery is a marathon and not a sprint and boy don’t I know it, so until next time
Stay Strong xxx