This is something I’ve struggled with for years and years as a result of my OCD. When a mental illness has taken over your brain and life so completely, it’s hard to know who the real person in there actually is.
Is my OCD part of who I am or am I someone who happens to have OCD? Do I accept that OCD will always be part of who I am or do try to work out who I would be if it wasn’t there? Is that even obtainable?
In all honestly I really don’t know if I can separate myself completely from my OCD. It truly has been a constant in my life for so long and even now when I can dismiss the thoughts I still have to push myself outside of my comfort zone on a daily basis with things such as socialising, driving, shopping, in fact most things which you would classify as ‘normal’ activities because of my anxiety, which is a result of my OCD.
So who is the normal me? Who am I actually? The person who wants to stay in or the person who forces themselves to go out? So much of my life feels a struggle that I really have no idea – I laugh.
I feel incredibly lucky with my home life, I have an incredibly supportive husband and two beautiful children who keep me so busy that mostly I don’t have time to think about this question too much and perhaps that is when I truly am being my real self. I just wish I could show that person to the rest of the world.
I feel like I’ve rambled quite a bit here but hopefully it’s made sense. I think I made a mini breakthrough at the end, funny how by writing things down you can sometimes answer your own questions.
So if you’re like me and struggling to separate yourself from the OCD then maybe sit and think about the places you are most at peace and feel most happy, this is probably the version of yourself you are most comfortable with and would most like to be.
Sending positive thoughts to you all on what is world kindness day – a day late I realise!
Stay Strong xxx