The title ‘Food’ probably sounds all a bit random but for me if has been one of my long standing OCD ‘issues’ which annoyingly I’m STILL fighting to this day.
Over the years some of my OCD intrusive thoughts and habits have become really ingrained in me and they’re so annoyingly hard to crack, argh! Driving is one of them – so many variations on one theme – and food is definitely another. There are just so many different ways that you can obsess over food.
It’s hard to give examples without going down the rabbit hole (which I promised not to do on this site) but just as a couple of random samples (please feel free to skip over the next two paragraphs if you feel this could trigger your OCD):
1: Today for instance (hence what prompted this post) when I came to open the meat I was using to make a stew the top of the packet was slightly loose. Now I’m more then aware this probably happened when I was getting it out of the freezer and that it’s absolutely fine but that didn’t stop my intrusive thoughts going off on all kind of possibilities about how the meat might not have been sealed properly when it was packed and all manor of bacteria etc etc might have gotten in, blah blah blah.
2: The other day I threw an entire meal in the bin because I had burnt it slightly and I just couldn’t get past it.
Right examples over I promise, I will not share anymore of my intrusive thoughts.
Needless to say this has been a real issue for me over the years and still is. I think it has been harder since I have been cooking for my little boy as well. It makes fighting the thoughts even trickier as I’m not just saying ‘I don’t mind eating burnt food’, I also have to justify in my head serving it to the most important person in my life, this makes things really hard.
So last week I failed and the entire meal went in the bin – not for the first time I’m sad to say. I cringe at the waste when there are people in this world with hardly anything. I get annoyed at myself for giving into the OCD again. It makes me sad that something I should enjoy – cooking – I now find quite stressful.
So today I didn’t give in and I cooked and ate the stew. I battled my intrusive thoughts for half the day as a result but I am proud that I did – as hard as it was. Will I be able to fight it next time, I don’t know but I will keep fighting and maybe one day the thoughts won’t even come and I won’t have to fight it at all, now that’s something to aim for.
Stay Strong xxx