This is something I’ve only been able to see since recovering from OCD. There is, I believe, a very real link between OCD and disorders such as bulimia, anorexia and drug and alcohol abuse.
I’m sure there are other contributing factors but in particular (and definitely in my case) a viscous cycle of OCD intrusive thoughts can make you believe you are a horrible person, capable of horrible things and not worthy of love or happiness. You get beaten down over hours, days, weeks, months, years even, until you don’t feel like you know yourself, you don’t like yourself and you definitely don’t care about yourself.
You look for oblivion or control, some people look for both. Personally I drank, it was easier to forget the OCD thoughts, until the next morning that is, when you were suddenly hit by that horrible doubt about what you might have gotten up to the previous evening, oh the possibilities an OCD mind can conjure up are endless, believe me. I also had periods of time when I didn’t eat properly and binge ate, I even tried to make myself sick once but luckily for me I was unable to do it and when I looked in the mirror afterwards and saw all the blood vessels in my eyes had burst from the effort I really scared myself. It still scares me now writing this, to think that if it had been easy would I have just carried on doing it, where would that leave me now?
So one problem can so easily become several and really it all started with the thought that you are capable of something you can’t even bear to think about…………..wow!
And so in conclusion to what is – I apologise – quite a deep post, anything you can do to build up your self confidence is going to help you fight those thoughts when they come knocking.
Stay strong people!
2 thoughts on “OCD & Disregard of self worth”
Wow! Awesome post.
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